To want to scream in the face of those who say "he/she had a MELTDOWN"

[Skeeter3]

Just no, ok!?

The frequent current misconception that even a big tantrum is in any way comparable to an actual meltdown REALLY boils my piss!!!!!

Yes tantrums can be unpleasant and distressing for all parties BUT they're still not meltdowns.

It demeans those that are dealing with medically defined meltdowns.

The more the word is used to describe a normal childhood tantrum, the less people understand or are tolerant when a child does suffer a meltdown.

If you're guilty of this JUST STOP DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!

It is also quite possible for non autistic adults to have meltdowns.

and lots of autistic children have tantrums.

Breezy is right here. Meltdown is just a phrase. Emotional collapse, crisis, sensory overload, emotional dysregulation.. These are closer to saying what you want them to than meltdown. Meltdown is just applied to these.

In any case, what upsets you is that you feel people are minimising and feel they are comparing a typical two year old tantrum to the emotional storm of someone with autism who is severely dysregulated. They're not doing that by using this word, but it is true - and often painfully isolating - that they probably don't understand in any real way the difference between the shortlived bout of emotional distress demonstrated by a toddler tantrum and the intensity of a severe episode of emotional dysregulatio .

Calling it another name won't change this feeling or sadness that no one gets it. Others calling tantrums won't change it. The issue is the reality gap between your experience and theirs, which you would obviously rather for your child.nthat is the source of your pain. Notice it, name it and leave it be. People don't get what they don't know and it is only human to feel pain and wNt to blame them for that. Focus the energy on kindness for yourself.

Really, the original post is a nonsense. there is not specific border line between a tantrum and a melt down. Anyone is entitled to use which ever word they feel best expresses the situation for them. Meltdown has a specific scientific definition when you are talking about nuclear reactors, up other than that, it is up to individuals when they use it.

comparing a typical two year old tantrum to the emotional storm of someone with autism who is severely dysregulated.

But this sort of thinking is totally and unreasonably dismissive of the two year old, who could be experiencing as the same thing as the autistic child.

Effectively, the main difference is you can pick up the 2 year old.

Oh fgs why don't you bother to learn/think about the origin of the word and it's general usage before you get on your horse on the entirely mistaken assumption that you and the SN community own the word? You use it in one way, other people use it in another. Given the narrow SN context is the newer usage, I'd say you were being totally unreasonable. If you want a word that only means what you want it to mean, you're probably going to have to invent one.

No. That's not the main difference. The main difference is that the two year old is having an experience that the majority of people recognise, validate and have experience of within their own lives to such an extent it does not prevent the two year old from participating meaningfully in activities that are important for two year olds on an ongoing basis.

What you've just said, Charis, is equivalent to saying that you shouldn't be dismissing the experience of someone with a broken leg by saying that being in a wheelchair is a disability, and having a broken leg is not.

I think if we did own the world it would be easier for many to accept others misusing words that have a specific meaning to many in our community.
Yes, I think the OP is BU. But I can see and understand why she feels that way.

YABU. My NT (as far as I know) three year old has meltdowns triggered by the most trivial things.
They can go on for over an hour and he will bang his head off things. The cause appears to be being overwhelmed by things. E.G. he will go to nursery, appear to enjoy it, behave beautifully then on the way home I'll cross the road in the "wrong" place and he has a meltdown.
My eldest has never done that but people tell me ds2 is normal.
I will continue to refer to those situations as meltdowns as it's different to having a tantrum over not getting his own way (he has those too but they only last five mins).

ANYBODY THINKING OF COMMENTING THIS MORNING

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GIN, READ THE FULL THREAD.

OR at least read ALL of OP's contribution.

Maybe he is Meryn, my DS got his dx when he was 8.

Fine, where are they celibacy?

You can highlight the OP's posts if you change your settings, it's a useful function. I see my posts in pink and the OP's posts in green.
Makes reading threads much easier.

Thanks Hags, I'll try that. That would be great.

ok, where are my settings??????

Customise. Top left under mumsnet talk.

It's not the difference between a normal toddler or small child tantrum/meltdown and an autistic tantrum/meltdown that's the issue. Any reasonable person accepts they are generally speaking very different. It is the acquisition of a word that is use in the general population not only in relation to behaviour, but also to nuclear and financial matters too.

And then screaming at everyday parents for using a term they are perfectly entitled to.

Wow, that is brilliant Rjae, thank you, now I'll go back and read the OPs subsequent posts.

And Tizwailor, I'm not misinformed at all, having cared for many two year olds, and many autistic teenagers, yes, it is very very comparable, don't belittle what two year olds and their parents may be experiencing.

Which will pass, and is not disabling?

My husband damaged his ligaments and needs crutches right now. I guess we better apply for disability and a blue badge. Oh wait... A short term issue is not a disability.

Do you get this, Charis?

Typographically they may be the same eg the behaviours may have similar forms. The functional impact is entirely different.

I think young nt children can experience meltdowns but it becomes very unusual in older nt children. Whereas it is still common in older children with autism. What is annoying is when a 2 year old shouting and throwing themself about for a few minutes because they can't have a toy they want is called a meltdown. Also the lack of acceptance that an older child having a meltdown cannot just stop it or control themselves.

duplon, whether something can be described as a meltdown or not is absolutly nothing what so ever to do with age, or history.

Do you get this Duplon?

If you read previous contributions of mine on the thread, I think you'd know I said this.

What I don't agree with in your post is the idea that recognising that there is a functional difference between the word as applied to someone disabled by it and a normal part of toddler development is 'belittling' to parents with kids who have toddler tantrums.

I have three under five right now, the eldest really struggles with sensory stuff and is NT but freaks over loud noises and can absolutely lose the run of himself, the sort of experience you call a meltdown is a daily occurrence.

I'm just able to understand that the perspective of someone who may face a lifetime of this and all the grief,uncertainty and pain of living with a long term chronic developmental disability is going to be different to mine. It is chalk and cheese if they have a minor rant about it online, it's really not a big deal.

You are ignorant and belittling what some two year olds experience.

Autistic children have tantrums and meltdowns

Non autistic children have tantrums and meltdowns.

There is no precise borderline between the two, there is no restriction on the language parents and carers can use for their own situation.