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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my step-daughter that she can't see a beautician on my wedding day?!

109 replies

stepmothersknockers · 28/04/2015 14:51

Am I being a Brideszilla?

Three teen-/ish girls - two mine, one DSD. I am getting married in October. It's very cheap informal - no photographer etc.

The girls are all bridesmaids and asked me for a hair/beauty session in the morning. I thought this was fair enough but have now looked at costs and had some quotes and they are all around 300-500! I was thinking about 70-90 max! (OK, I am clueless)

Anyway there is no way we can afford this, so I said no, we aren't doing that. The girls are gutted but they can look up videos on youtube etc.

But now DSD mum has said she will treat her to a hair and beauty session at a local spa on the morning of the wedding!

What am I supposed to do? Should I put my foot down and say no? It seems so unfair to my girls (and me!!!).

What to do?

OP posts:
Aermingers · 28/04/2015 15:56

Go to MAC! They are amazing. I was on a TV show a couple of years ago and they did my make up in the morning (it was only touched up by the make up artists). It costs £20 but if you purchase something it's redeemable against that. So you could buy all your bridesmaids a little present from MAC. Presumably you'd be buying them a present anyway so that would kill two birds with one stone. You all get your makeup done and also a present for £20 each. You could go out to the store to get your make up done then arrange for a hairdresser to come afterwards, surely you could find a reasonable value mobile hairdresser?

nilbyname · 28/04/2015 15:57

Lots of great suggestions on here.

Where do you like? Your prices are insane!

I was a bridesmaid, £25 for an up do each and she came to us.

nilbyname · 28/04/2015 15:57

Live not like!!!

bec3105 · 28/04/2015 15:59

Does your local Facebook page have a Helping Hands or Trading Skills section?
Could you offer something (babysitting, cooking, taxi for evening etc) in exchange for someone doing your hair and makeup?
I agree that it's a lot of money to spend on one day but you do want to feel special.

wannaBe · 28/04/2015 16:02

ex wives really can't win can they? I've lost count of the number of posts on here about obstructive ex's and how they do anything in their power to sabotage the relationship between their children and new step families, and here we have one who is actively encouraging a positive experience by paying for your dsd to look nice for the wedding of her ex to a new partner and she is in the wrong as well?perhaps it would be better if she banned your dsd from being at the wedding? Hmm

parsnipbob · 28/04/2015 16:04

OP if you say it's for a wedding they automatically charge more.

NerrSnerr · 28/04/2015 16:07

I agree with trying the local college.

Earsareconstantlyringing · 28/04/2015 16:10

WannaBe, she's not in the wrong, but she may not know the full picture. It's brilliant that she's so supportive of the wedding, but not at the expense of two girls feeling second best, surely?

Original poster
stepmothersknockers · 28/04/2015 16:10

Thanks everyone.

DSD does tend to get what she wants and this is more that, than her mother's 'kind gesture' etc. She is quite spoilt (by her own admission!!) and doesn't take well to being told 'no'.

I will try the local college and also maybe ask about up-dos at the local hairdresser. That might be a good idea.

Although I AM back to doing 'different' things with them on the morning and I had really hoped we would just all have a nice time at home together. It's all turning into a bit of a nightmare for an informal 'do'.

OP posts:
GoEasyPudding · 28/04/2015 16:17

You must reframe this. Don't call this a nightmare op, its not.

Teens like to look good - that's all. It's a big day for them, they want to look glam, its only natural.

wannaBe · 28/04/2015 16:20

hardly an informal do if you're having three bridesmaids though? Confused

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/04/2015 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
stepmothersknockers · 28/04/2015 16:33

Local college will do hair AND makeup for about 25 each on the morning - so I'm going to suggest that! Thanks so much for the idea!!!! I wouldn't have thought of it.

Re. having an informal do with three bridesmaids - as we have three girl children, they would have killed us if we had said NO bridesmaids!!! :)

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 28/04/2015 16:34

It's understandable that your DSD wants to look her best on her dads wedding day where she's being a bridesmaid, I think it's nice that her mum is willing to pay to ensure that her dd enjoys her dads wedding day as much as possible. It woudo be much worse if she was bitter and resentful that her dd was going to be involved.

If having your hair and make up done as well is something you're not that bothered about, then don't bother, you don't have to have it done just because she is. But I'm sure you could get it done cheaply if you wanted to

Kahlua4me · 28/04/2015 16:35

Where abouts do you live? Surely between us all we can find someone for you.

My sister in law does bridal make up and charges £250 for the bride and £50 for every other "face". However that is through her work so would be cheaper if you found someone to come to you.

Unexpected · 28/04/2015 16:36

Why don't they just go to the local hairdresser and beauty salon to have their hair and make up done there? That should definitely fit into your budget. If they go first thing that still leaves plenty of time for them to have some fun at your house together before the wedding.

Earsareconstantlyringing · 28/04/2015 16:39

So glad you've found a solution. This way, you all get to do something together and noone's left out or feeling inferior. And, best of all, you get to feel a million dollars. Hope the wedding is wonderful.

HerRoyalNotness · 28/04/2015 16:40

Great solution knockers I hope it all works out and you have a lovely day!

And also loving the suggestion of MAC by PPs, I'd never think to do that

catsmother · 28/04/2015 16:40

In the OP's shoes, I'd see it as quite a 'big problem' if my daughters felt 2nd best or like 'ugly ducklings' in comparison to their similarly aged stepsister who had been coiffed and made up to look her very best! In other words, I'd feel very upset for them ... come on ladies, we (or at least many of us) have all been in social situations where we compare ourselves unfavourably with other women who look immaculate while we imagine we look like we've been dragged through a hedge backwards. Teenage girls are notoriously sensitive and it's possible they may end up feeling very self conscious if the difference between their appearance and SD's is obvious.

Hopefully ... it won't actually come to that because the OP will be able to take up some of the suggestions already made and everyone will feel happy and confident on the day, but I can certainly see where she's coming from.

If there's a history of one child being spoilt (as described by OP) I can also see why this situation grates. And whilst I'm not saying this necessarily applies to the OP's stepdaughter, a not insignificant number of teenage girls can be absolutely horrid to others they feel don't 'make the grade' looks wise .... if the SD is that sort of person, it's not unfeasible that she'll comment unfavourably on her stepsisters ..... and heck, the OP doesn't need that sort of dynamic going on on her wedding day, with bickering and snide remarks to referee (possibly).

Finally, if I was the SD's mum, I might just employ a little bit of tact and sensitivity given that her daughter must have complained to her about professional hair and makeup being too expensive for the OP to afford. It might just have occurred to me that if I paid for my own daughter, I'd be - in effect - 'leaving out' two other girls, and with that in mind, I might just have refused any pleadings from my own. The only disclaimer to that is that maybe SD's mum thought that by paying for her own daughter, she'd make the hair/makeup budget more manageable for everyone else ..... but, you know, it might have been tactful to discuss that with the OP before arranging things.

Petallic · 28/04/2015 16:41

Look on Facebook, there's always newly qualified beauticians on my local spotted page advertising their own businesses. Prices are always reasonable cheap and their finished photos seem ok - certainly good enough for a teen beauty makeover. And don't mention the word wedding when booking. Another friend booked a session at a beauty counter on the morning of her wedding, that could be an option if you are getting married somewhere central perhaps?

catsmother · 28/04/2015 16:44

X-posted.

Really pleased you've sorted something out OP - I hope it all goes off without a hitch and that you all look lovely. If there was any slight possibility of any one upmanship going on it won't matter now .... maybe you should explain to SD you've booked a hairdresser/makeup artist now so there's no need for her mum to fork out!

GoEasyPudding · 28/04/2015 16:44

Great news re the college. Well done. Have a great day!

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/04/2015 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newgirl · 28/04/2015 16:45

I went to my usual salon on my wedding day to get hair put up - perfectly ok to do that! Just all go to your usual place and do each others make up. It sounds like your sd is keeping out of your way for whatever reason so you can do your own thing. Sounds diplomatic of them.

HeyDuggee · 28/04/2015 16:49

I think "bridal" anything includes a trial run where you consult with the make up artist or hairstylist and they actually do the "do", then you sign off on it and they replicate it again on the morning.

Plus, bridal hair is bloody complex - much more so than a party "do". You can go to any salon and book to do your hair for a party for a fraction of the cost :-)

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