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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my step-daughter that she can't see a beautician on my wedding day?!

109 replies

stepmothersknockers · 28/04/2015 14:51

Am I being a Brideszilla?

Three teen-/ish girls - two mine, one DSD. I am getting married in October. It's very cheap informal - no photographer etc.

The girls are all bridesmaids and asked me for a hair/beauty session in the morning. I thought this was fair enough but have now looked at costs and had some quotes and they are all around 300-500! I was thinking about 70-90 max! (OK, I am clueless)

Anyway there is no way we can afford this, so I said no, we aren't doing that. The girls are gutted but they can look up videos on youtube etc.

But now DSD mum has said she will treat her to a hair and beauty session at a local spa on the morning of the wedding!

What am I supposed to do? Should I put my foot down and say no? It seems so unfair to my girls (and me!!!).

What to do?

OP posts:
longdiling · 28/04/2015 14:53

I think it would be a bit churlish to not 'let' her - if she's sorted out payment for it then fair enough. Can't you compromise with your girls and pay for them to get their hair done just not the make up? Or vice versa?

mrsfuzzy · 28/04/2015 14:53

it's unfair as it's your special day, but you might have to suck it up, that seems incredibly expensive though.

AuntyMag10 · 28/04/2015 14:54

Sorry I know it will be unfair on your girls but if your dsd mum is paying I can't see you having any say in that.
Can you look for someone who's a trainee or local college willing to do this, they usually are more affordable.

Heels99 · 28/04/2015 14:55

I would be happy that dad mum is so supportive of your wedding! How kind of her! You can't say no really can you?!
Hair and make up should not cost 300-500 for 3 teenagers. See if there is someone who can come to the house, local mobile hairdresser or something you can definitely get cheaper, or ask at local salon if all the girls could go down there. Keep it positive, shop around for something cheaper, check prom rates etc.

Doggygirl · 28/04/2015 14:55

I don't really think you can ban her from seeing the beautician, if her mum is paying for it.

pootlebug · 28/04/2015 14:56

Can you ask around for local hairdressers / beauticians that will visit your home, and not mention the 'W' word?

Original poster
stepmothersknockers · 28/04/2015 14:56

I did have a good look locally but it was all to expensive for four people. WAY too much. And I've said no, and it seems wrong to change my mind just because DSD has persuaded her mum to pay. It's really FAR too much for our budget, and is a bit daft when everything is pretty much being done for nothing...

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/04/2015 14:57

How can you put your foot down and say no to something her Mum has decided to pay for?

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 28/04/2015 14:58

Those prices are crazy. Look around and there's much cheaper out there for your girls.

Let her mother pay for her.

mrsfuzzy · 28/04/2015 14:58

i'm sure she won't up stage you on the big day, is that what you are concerned about ?

googoodolly · 28/04/2015 14:58

I'll bet you anything it was expensive because you said it was for a wedding! However, you really can't ban your DSD from getting a makeover when you're not paying for it, unfair as it might be on your daughters - her other parent is willing to pay and you can't override that.

Heels99 · 28/04/2015 14:58

Have another look locally, unless you live in Mayfair you can get a hairdresser to come to house and do hair and make up for less than 300 if you are just having hair styled. Don't mention wedding as they double prices.

Heels99 · 28/04/2015 14:59

What town do you live in perhaps we can help,find someone reasonable

PercyGherkin · 28/04/2015 14:59

Don't ban it - there's surely a whole load of psychological stuff going on here as as well especially if mother was first wife - and you've no business interfering in their mother-daughter relationship, which is what this will seem like.

Can't you just look at this as a chance for you to spend some nice time with your own daughters on your wedding day, do your make up together/on each other (skills dependent! Not suggesting you let an 11 year old do your eyeliner or something...). If anything, DSD will be the excluded one. Hair you could probably go to hairdressers, get someone to you, or do it yourself.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 28/04/2015 15:00

£300-500 seriously? You need to shop around. It didn't cost me that in central london for hair and makeup for 5 with both hairdresser and makeup person travelling to the hotel.

Unless there is a particular reason that your DSD is desperate for assistance with her "look" [acne etc] then I'd discourage it or ask her to limit it to professional makeup OR hair.

On the other hand it's her Dad's wedding. She's entitled to look nice if she wants to and to some extent your DPs ex has taken over some of the expense. Could you get someone to do makeup for the remaining 3 of you ? That's kind of key as otherwise one person with expertly applied makeup will look pretty different in the pictures.

GottaFeeling · 28/04/2015 15:00

Well, would you consider banning any of your other guests from having their hair done before attending your wedding?

I understand exactly how you're feeling but I'm afraid I don't think there's anything you can do about it.

I wonder if a student from a local college would want to do it?

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 28/04/2015 15:01

£300/500 ?? try looking via your local facebook pages, or do something else with your DDs while DSD is off getting done?

good idea posted above by Heels99 - what town are you in?

Original poster
stepmothersknockers · 28/04/2015 15:03

I've genuinely asked about six local people and their prices all start at 250 JUST for bridal make up and hair and about 60-90 for each additional person. I'm sick of looking into it. It's really NOT something we can afford - nothing like that.

OK, I will suck it up. No I'm not worried she'll upstage me (although I would love to be properly made-up!) - I just feel bad that I can't afford it for my girls and they are really upset. It also seems very frustrating that it is sorting of emphasising the DIFFERENCES between us on the one day that we are supposed to be having a nice time as a family. ARGH!

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 28/04/2015 15:03

You've said no already?
Yes you're a bridezilla then Hmm

Vivacia · 28/04/2015 15:04

Book you all in at the Clinique counter and buy each of you a couple of items.

PerspicaciaTick · 28/04/2015 15:05

There's more than one way to skin a rabbit.
Is there some other tempting activity that all the girls could do on the morning, which DSD would not want to miss because she is spending an hour or two being beautified?

formerbabe · 28/04/2015 15:07

Leave her to it and do whatever you were originally going to do with yourself and your girls.

WorraLiberty · 28/04/2015 15:07

But there will always be differences between her and your DDs because she has a different Mother.

museumum · 28/04/2015 15:07

Are you getting married somewhere rural? If not, then can you not get somebody to take the girls to a salon in the morning. A hair do at a salon will not be very expensive.

shewept · 28/04/2015 15:07

Yabu to think that make up and hair for all of you would cost about £90.

What about all getting your hair put up. If you go to the salon rather than having them come to you its usually a lot cheaper.

£250 is a lot for bridal hair and make up unless they are travelling a long way.

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