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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my step-daughter that she can't see a beautician on my wedding day?!

109 replies

stepmothersknockers · 28/04/2015 14:51

Am I being a Brideszilla?

Three teen-/ish girls - two mine, one DSD. I am getting married in October. It's very cheap informal - no photographer etc.

The girls are all bridesmaids and asked me for a hair/beauty session in the morning. I thought this was fair enough but have now looked at costs and had some quotes and they are all around 300-500! I was thinking about 70-90 max! (OK, I am clueless)

Anyway there is no way we can afford this, so I said no, we aren't doing that. The girls are gutted but they can look up videos on youtube etc.

But now DSD mum has said she will treat her to a hair and beauty session at a local spa on the morning of the wedding!

What am I supposed to do? Should I put my foot down and say no? It seems so unfair to my girls (and me!!!).

What to do?

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 28/04/2015 15:10

Bridesmaids normally keep the bride company on the day of a wedding, it would be quite unsual for one to go off and do something separate. Whether or not they share the same mother is irrelevant really (most bridesmaids in a wedding party will not be biologically related to each other), it is a chance for them to be together as a group, supporting the bride and creating shared memories.

WhoNickedMyName · 28/04/2015 15:17

suck it up buttercup, there's nothing you can do about this one.

Concentrate on how you can have a lovely morning with just your DD's.

Maybe83 · 28/04/2015 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dellla · 28/04/2015 15:21

they'll be waking up in their mum's house right? so if they want to go to a beauticians before your wedding and somebody else is paying for it, then let them!

I think their mum is mad!!

Sanityseeker75 · 28/04/2015 15:22

If you have a debenhams or boots local book in for a make up session at clinique or YSL counter - don't tell them its a wedding and it won't cost anything.

AlpacaLypse · 28/04/2015 15:23

I'll bet if you sent a secret shopper into any of those six places you mentioned op, and asked for 'party' hair and make up for four, rather than 'bridal', you'd be quoted a lot less!

Heels99 · 28/04/2015 15:27

Stop asking about bridal make up just get local mobile person to come and put hair up for you all, seriously you are makin a right drama out of this, or all pop to local salon.

AimlesslyPurposeful · 28/04/2015 15:28

YABU.

I realise that you'd prefer them all to have the same treat but you can't dicate how your DHs ExW spends her money on her DD.

What about getting in touch with the salon and see if there are any deals on group or teen bookings?

Oobis · 28/04/2015 15:29

Is there a buy/sell/swap page for your local area? Can you ask on there if anyone knows anyone? I'm sure you can do better price wise and it would be a lovely bonding experience for the kids before the wedding. Are you able to explain to the ex about the budget? I'm not suggesting she pay for you all, but it would be nice to thank her for the kind offer but explain you would like the girls to spend the morning together.

ShaynePunim · 28/04/2015 15:29

YABU and YAB a bridezilla.

HerRoyalNotness · 28/04/2015 15:29

What kind of hairdo are you after? Updo or blowout?

Just book in at salon, they don't need to know what it's for.

There will be a big difference between home done hair, and salon hair, and it would be sad for you and your DDs if you can't have it done. The makeup, you can probably manage to make look good yourselves. Check a few youtube tutorials or have a session at makeup counter.

It's a shame really her mum has done this, for you. Of course you can't say no to it, just try your best to get something sorted for yourself and your DDs.

Heels99 · 28/04/2015 15:29

Ask about prom prices for teens. For an informal wedding this risks going sour

AimlesslyPurposeful · 28/04/2015 15:33

Oh, another thought - Is there a hair and beauty training college near you?

Perhaps a couple of students would be willing to pop in and do hair and make-up at a reduced price as it would be good practice for them if you provide the products.

crazykat · 28/04/2015 15:36

I can see why it would upset you. You'd looked into something for your dds and dsd, you can't afford it and now your dds are upset that their soon to be step sister will have professionally styled hair and makeup while they have to do their best on their own.

I know you're fed up of looking into it but for the sake of your dds I'd give it one more shot and ask at your local colleges. They'll have hair and beauty students and I'm sure they'd charge a heck of a lot less to do makeup and/or hair for you all.

If all else fails then you have plenty of time to look up and practice YouTube tutorials on hair and makeup. I'm rubbish with hair but I've tried some of the tutorials for easy updos on my dd and the results have been quite good and would be fab if I could get her to let me practice.

You could also go to debenhams and the like and get advice on foundation and lipstick colours. Having the right foundation for your skin and the right colours of lipstick really makes a difference to your overall look.

Turn this into something you can do with your dds and maybe your dsd will decide that she'd rather join in with you all over a spa.

Icimoi · 28/04/2015 15:39

Why don't you just book non-bridal appointments? Maximum cost around £40 each, probably much less if you just want people's hair put up.

It would be utterly pointless banning dsd from getting this done, because there is nothing you can do to prevent it short of banning her from the wedding, which clearly is not an option.

SaucyJack · 28/04/2015 15:40

Regardless of how fair it is or isn't on your girls..... you've got no right whatsoever to stop her own mother from taking her to a beauty parlour, so YABU.

HumphreyCobbler · 28/04/2015 15:42

I can see that you would be upset that your daughters were not getting something your step daughter was getting. I think you responded very graciously to the pp who suggested that you were worried you would be upstaged, what a mean thing to say.

To be honest, I don't think you can realistically stop this, you will just have to cheer up your other daughters and make the best of it.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/04/2015 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aermingers · 28/04/2015 15:43

Hmmm, I'm wondering why her Mum is doing this. I wonder if perhaps she's finding the idea of her Dad remarrying a little hard to deal with. Assuming that you and your daughters now live with him and she's not there full time it might be hard to see her Dad spending more time with your daughters than her. Could it be possible that her mother is trying to offer this as a little bit of a consolation and to coax her along to feel more positive about the wedding and look forwards to it a little more?

DurhamDurham · 28/04/2015 15:46

It doesn't have to be that expensive.
My two girls had MAC makeovers the day of their prom. I think it cost £35 and at the end of the session they got to choose products they likes to the value of the session.
They booked the makeovers at the MAC counter in a department store, they had a great time and were really pleased with how they looked.
I'm sure other makeup counters offer similar deals.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 28/04/2015 15:47

I'm a bit confused - is DSD's mum offering to pay for just DSD, all the bridesmaids or all of you?

GoEasyPudding · 28/04/2015 15:50

Call some local salons and get a price for a blow dry.

Ask them if they know anyone who does makeup as well. The young ladies training often have a great knowledge and skill with makeup.

I know in my nice Headmasters Salon there's the option for nails and they also have a cheaper child's rate for cut and blow dry.

Earsareconstantlyringing · 28/04/2015 15:52

Oh goodness, OP I absolutely side with you on this one. It's absolutely not fair that one bridesmaid gets the full works when it comes to being beautified and the other two don't, that would be a really shoddy way to start married life, with one rule for one and another rule for the other.

The great thing is that it sounds like your husband-to-be's ex is a good'un and is supportive of the wedding, so could you or he explain the situation to her and how it's a lovely gesture for her daughter, but will make the other two feel rotten? No mother would want that for other young girls, surely?

Like the others said, is there another option? Rather than having the full works, why not go to a local salon for a 'hair up' session (won't cost much) and have a few sessions before the big day all together with a trip to a beauty counter or salon for a make up lesson then have a few practice goes?

And for the record, no, not even slightly Bridezilla. Just a mother looking out for her girls and trying to do the right thing I reckon.

WipsGlitter · 28/04/2015 15:53

You made the classic mistake of saying it was for a bride - will add £££££. Call a salon and arrange a blow dry for you all - we have a £10 blow dry bar near us.

Get your make-up done at MAC or SpaceNK - it's free but you could get them a lipstick each.

ReallyBadParty · 28/04/2015 15:55

I don't actually think YABU.

It's usual for the bridesmaids to look roughly similar in hair and stuff, isn't it, and if one of them is going to be all twirly coiffed hair and fancy makeup, and the others aren't, never mind you, I think it's a bit off.

I don't much care for that bridesmaid updo with twirly ringlets though, and second what the others have said about getting blow dries, and popping to a salon for them and make up. If there's a salon near enough, of course. It could be fun, we all did that for my friend's wedding and it was very jolly.

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