To not want 13 year old to trek in Northern India/Pakistan border with dad?

[pathogenius]

Ex-H is moving off to travel in Northern India for 6 months. We split when our DC, now 13, was 6 months old though he's remained in and out of DC's life. Ex is struggling with major guilt about leaving DC's life for long periods of time to live in other countries. But now he would like to go off to India to live for a minimum of 6 months and he would like our DC to join him this summer for 7 weeks in and around the India/Pakistan border (trekking/living out in the open, under the stars). I am having great difficulty feeling all right with this. Ex does not know India or this area at all. He is not living a mainstream life whilst out there. He plans on roughing it, backpacking, trekking, camping, crashing here and there. It's a very unstructured life for a 13 year old. That's my opinion. Dad can do this. That's fine. But I think our DC is still too young to go away for that length of time to such a far off place. The idea is to live a life without technology, so our contact would be practically nil!

Thoughts? Experiences? Insight? Thank you!

[TheMagnificientFour]

Also it depends a lot om how much experience your ex has about packaking.
If he has done that a lot in his life, it's one thing. If he has 30yo when he was ateenager or never done it, that's another issue iyswim.

[travailtotravel]

And not for 6 months, either ... At the !most the summer hold, better 2-3 weeks. And then, if son wants to. God, imagine the fine for 6 months put of school!

[base9]

I am very pro-travel to outlandish places but this is just stupid. It is a dangerous area. Tell him no. If he wants to go camping under the stars with his son then Scotland would be gorgeous, or any number of places in Germany/France/Spain/Canada/USA. What he wants is to shoehorn his 13 yo into his plans rather than making plans suitable for his 13 yo. Selfish and irresponsible is not a good combination.

[Latara]

My Pakistani friends would not go travelling in the border areas! Too much risk of terrorism. And if your DC is a girl she would really need to wear hijab in Muslim areas, as they are really strict.

And I agree with catguilt they are all into their technology, especially Facebook. In fact internet access there is very good so there would be no excuse to avoid contacting you if your DC did go.

Why not travel round a part India or Pakistan where there are famous sights rather than camping in some remote area? If the idea is just to go camping in a remote place they may as well go to somewhere remote in the UK.

One of my work friends has just got back from Kerala - now that is beautiful & safe too. And one of my Pakistani friends travelled with his mates round a safer area of Pakistan, they went to lots of theme parks which would be popular with a 13 yr old.

[dougierose]

As your DC is under 16 you have to give written permission for him to leave the country.

Twenty years ago I spent 6 months in India, slept under the stars and crossed into Pakistan, visited Quetta, and crossed into Iran. Twenty years ago it was a big risk, and we all know how the world has changed since.

Only do this now if your DH has a deathwish.

Please seek Foreign Office advice and DO NOT ALLOW THIS TRIP TO HAPPEN.

I repeat

DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN.

[littlemslazybones]

So your ex is going to assuage his guilt for being an absent father by taking his 13 year old son to one of the most anti-western regions in the whole fucking world?

Jesus fucking Christ.

[DrDre]

I wouldn't go to the sub continent for love or money at the moment. Several of my friends went travelling there twenty years ago, but there is no way I'd go there in the current climate.

[dougierose]

Applauds littlemslazybones

[Southamerica]

I'm an ardent backpacker and have DT's aged 13 who I'm planning to take backpacking around Asia in two years time.

As far as the OP's question goes though -

a) 13 is too young
b) that area is far too risky

He sounds like a bit of a dreamer, if he was Bear Grylls I'd let him/her go but still not to that area. I've travelled around loads of India and Nepal and even 20 years ago we wouldn't have dared to go up to that Northern border let alone now.

Does he not think that the DC's would also be bored to death? We went to Indonesia last year and did jungle trekking, visiting temples, beaches etc and the best thing for them was some water theme park place that they visited on our last day

[Southamerica]

x-posts with lots of people that were worried 20 years ago! Things seemed bad then but omg so much worse now

[OrlandoWoolf]

We went to Indonesia last year and did jungle trekking, visiting temples, beaches etc and the best thing for them was some water theme park place that they visited on our last day

Bloody culture, history,ancient sites,spirituality eh!!

I suspect DS would be the same. I've also done loads of travelling in my 20s. But I suspect DS wouldn't appreciate the things I do.

[AuntieStella]

So he's sodding off for 6 months and (presumably to let himself believe he's not just sodding off) he wants DC for the whole of the school holidays in an unspecified place, which is likely to be in one of the most dangerous zones on the planet and one where FCO says do not travel?

No. Just no.

If he wants a marvellous unstructured holiday with DC, offer him half the summer holiday and veto all places which FCO warns against.

Could he drop down from his jolly to the border areas (assuming he is not kidnapped) and do similar in another part of India or another country eg Sri Lanka.

[CaspianSea]

This area is very dangerous right now!! I wouldn't let them go. It's foolhardy and stupid.
Tell him to plan a trek somewhere safer! There are so many amazing places for this sort of trip that don't involve trekking through politically unstable regions where you are at high risk of being kidnapped or murdered.

[letscookbreakfast]

No chance would I be happy about this.

[OrlandoWoolf]

On a more practical side - I suspect he won't get travel insurance if it's on the FCO don't go guide.

If you go that part of the world, chances are you will pick a bug up. Being ill up there isn't nice- especially when you haven't got a decent toilet. I was ill in Nepal and I checked myself into a lovely hotel with a lovely toilet.

[editthis]

I take your point, Unexpected. I suppose I can only vouch for Ladakh; not the OP's ex or the care he can provide.

I do also think, even if he appreciated and enjoyed the trip now, your son would get far more out of it a few years hence. But, of course, he may be more interested in the nightlife of Ibiza then...

[PerspicaciaTick]

And it's not just our Foreign Office flagging this up as a region not to be visited. Australia are recommending that travellers "reconsider their need to travel" to all of Pakistan and for several areas have "do not travel" advice.
On the Indian side of the border, the whole area is flagged as "do not travel".

www.smartraveller.gov.au/zw-cgi/view/Advice/Pakistan
www.smartraveller.gov.au/zw-cgi/view/Advice/India

The risks along the border include land mines and kidnap as well as terrorism.

[AuntieStella]

It might be worth keeping an eye on how Nepal's recovery goes. There are communities which depend on leading treks for their income, and if key infrastructure is rebuilt quickly then they might actively want tourists to return as soon as possible.

[museumum]

No. But it would be amazing to visit india as a 13yr old. How about instead of a blanket 'no' you suggest that they take a 'holiday' together in a hotel or an organised tour in a more stable part of india?

[littlemslazybones]

Do you know what would be more amazing? Having your Dad around to talk to, ask for advice, to help with homework and maybe take an interest in something that would like to do and not treat you like a convenient backpacking buddy.

[OrlandoWoolf]

I presume your ex won't be paying maintenance whilst on this 6 month trip to India?

[Latara]

I know that when I was 13 I'd have preferred going to Disneyland or somewhere with (safe to swim in) beautiful beaches & water parks. Basically the Med or the US.

But I never did get to go abroad until I was 24 (poor me).

I just can't see what a 13 yr old would enjoy about rough camping with no technology in a remote (ie boring) area with dad. Especially if DC is a girl.

[littlemslazybones]

Sorry Museumum, I've written that in such a way that it looks like I'm being pissy with you. I'm not.

[Miggsie]

The least worst thing that could happen would be they'd both get dysentery.

I second all those who have said the dad should actually try to do something his son wants and is interested in - not try some ridiculous Hollywood style male bonding in the wild...also, backpacking at 13 like this would mean your son would be carrying a heavy weight on his back all day - this isn't the optimum thing for the growing skeleton and is bloody hard work.

[Maddaddam]

It sounds fab to me, apart from the one problem of it being in a dangerous area which the FO is warning against.

Apart from that, I would love to take my 13yo backpacking for 6 weeks in India (and she'd probably love it too). Can ex take 13yo to another, safer (in political terms) part of India or SE Asia?