To not want DD to have play-dates or attend parties in certain areas due to safety concerns?

[HourOrTwo]

She is 7. Until now she only has playdates with friends whose parents we know well, but now she has a bigger group of friends. Some of these friends live on local council estates. One of these estates has a particularly bad reputation (drug problems, unemployment, high crime rate). When I drove through it recently I noticed kids playing out in street, groups of youths standing around smoking and drinking, big dogs in studded collars roaming around (no muzzles), rubbish everywhere etc. I don't mean to sound judgemental but it's not the sort of place we want DD playing or walking around.

We're happy for DD's friends to come play at ours, and we want her to socialise with children from social different backgrounds... but recently she's been invited on several play-dates on these estates plus a party. So far I've made excuses, as I don't want her playing out unsupervised and TBH don't like her going to houses unless I know the parents and trust them to keep a close eye on her. Even if I chatted to these mums at school gates and they promise to supervise, I don't want her going to houses where anyone is smoking, drinking or teenage siblings are coming in and out with their mates, or any household with a dangerous dog (there are a lot of pitbulls and rottweilers on the estate), but I can't really ask this.

How do we politely decline these play-dates without offending anyone? Is there a way we can have DD's friends at our house without her going to their houses? And what do I tell DD, without mentioning it's because of the area her friends live?

My son has a new teacher who has previously worked in a rough neighbourhood, and she has commented that the children in our village just have to worry about learning, and don't need to be concerned about their safety, their next meal, overcrowding, learning the language, dealing with attitudes regarding gender, sex or nationality,...

What the actual? This teacher thinks children in naice villages are never abused or neglected?

I used to live in leafy suburbia ,my next door neighbour at the time was jailed for drug smuggling.

It's surprising what goes on behind closed doors.

How bloody offensive. "estate children".
I love where I live. Its where I grew up ,its where all my friends and family are from. It makes me want to cry that people think that because i live on a estate then I'm a shit parent.

Christ almighty. Yes YABU. I grew up on various council estates. My mother went to Cambridge. How dare you judge people on where they live! People living on council estates are not all dangerous druggie alcoholics. I'm actually speechless at your attitude.

BTW a Jack Russell or chihuahua is more likely to bite your precious DD than a Rottweiler or 'Pitt bull' (and I'm willing to bet these were staffies, not Pitt Bulls).

It's an horrible attitude, Oswin.

Just be thankful that your children won't grow up looking down on anyone.

Oswin I agree, it is very insulting. Also, according to tulip our children will all fail academically. 'Roll up get your stereotypes here'!

I'm puzzled as to why people are jumping to conclusions and getting so defensive... Oswin, nobody has said anyone is a 'shit parent' or judged anyone for where they live. No wonder OP was rejected by the mums she tried to chat to, if they got all hysterical and assumed she was a snob! It's quite reasonable to worry about your 7-year-old playing-out on an estate that has a documented drug/alcohol problem, high crime rate, rubbish everywhere and pitbulls running around!! It's possible to observe these things without judging the individual families who live there. I'm sure many families living there do not let their kids play-out in this environment and are very much aware of the dangers.

Btw the worst kids for partying, drinking and taking drugs are the richer kids. I was shocked when I went to uni and saw this. My 'council estate' friends didn't do any of that.

Also, what the fuck is wrong with an older sister looking after her young siblings so their mother can work? I did that! I was extremely responsible and adored them, thanks. If the mother didn't go out to work people like you, OP, would be whinging she was a scrounger.

Anyway, I have the perfect solution for you - why don't you send your DD to private school? Then she won't have to mix with those plebs anymore, and she can get bitten by a nice springer spaniel instead of a disgusting pit bull.

Even if I chatted to these mums at school gates and they promise to supervise, I don't want her going to houses where anyone is smoking, drinking or teenage siblings are coming in and out with their mates, or any household with a dangerous dog

Seriously? I don't live on a council estate and find this offensive.

If some of my DS friends from secondary school are anything to go by I would be more worried about middle class siblings. The one who is the least one to be worried about lives on a council estate.

What you see is not how they all are. When my DS was that age although there were groups of mums (all 30 of you can't be one big group) we knew who was who rather than just use their address as an indicator

I have lived here 20oddyears we are moving soon to a better house for us in another council estate my dds have done very well in theirrough as a badgers arse school especially 1 who has SEN . I wasnt dragged up as some posters suggest council estate kids are (which is bloody insulting btw) . The op saw an area shit a brick and wanted to protect her children from the peasants she is afraid and naive which breeds contempt and causes snobbery and division its ridiculous.

Even if the OPs precious snowflake is playing out on the Chatsworth Estate, I can assure you that drugs and fight-ready pit bulls aren't just handed out to 7 year olds.

I wouldn't speak to the OP. The sneer on her face would put me off.

The higher they climb the harder they fall those folk in glass houses look down on us all

I mean you really have to earn that shit round here..

Yes OP I suggest you google special snowflake syndrome.

Frankly I wouldn't want my DC anywhere near yours anyway, if the attitude of her mother is anything to go by.

tulip yes I choose to live on my council estate! my mum lives in a nice private house and

my mum actually has more trouble with teens being idiots and drug dealers on the streets than I do.
I grew up in a private house in a quiet little cul-de-sac and there were more instances of anti social behavior there. such as grown men chasing teens down the street with knives, or strangers taking drugs in The bushes. it isn't where you live that matters. it's the people around you. where I grew up it was considered MC we left that area. and have had less trouble since (my mum doesn't get half as much shit now!)
I have been here 5 years and never had a problem with anyone on my estate and don't plan on moving any time soon.

Chatsworth estate

Also - if you are concerned about your DD playing out mention it. You don't have to mention it's the area just say she is allowed at hoem and you would rather she doesn't elsewhere

I used to let my DS play on the green (how very middle class!!) with his older DD but I was asked if I could not do this when one of his friends came to tea.

When we were 7, my best friend's teenage sister used to look after her in the afternoons. She looked after her because her mum was dead and her dad was at work. I mean, I know this isn't the type of situation that the OP is referring to, but I'm guessing most people would see a teenage sibling looking after a younger one, because their mum is dead, and say 'oh, how mature and responsible' and see it as a good thing. So, by that logic, I can't really see why a teenager looking out for a younger sibling whilst a parent works is viewed as dangerous.

'BTW a Jack Russell or chihuahua is more likely to bite your precious DD than a Rottweiler or 'Pitt bull' (and I'm willing to bet these were staffies, not Pitt Bulls).'

Which would you rather be bitten by? Which is likely to inflict more damage on a child?
Pitbulls in studded collars suggest they are used as status symbols and encouraged to be aggressive (or even used in illegal dog-fighting rings).
I would not want my child playing anywhere where there are large powerful dogs running free. Big dogs need to be kept on leads in places where kids play. I have a Retriever-cross who is very soft and playful but i would never trust any dog 100% around kids. I always keep an eye on him with DSC and would chain him in kennel area if a visiting child was nervous of him.

Like Chatsworth round here sometimes Mrsjay and yet all the teens call me Mrs Glitter. Smacked up dog baiting bastards that they are.

Oh look, how predictable, now it's about nasty dogs with lock jaw (fyi not a real thing)!

It's very simple, and the way I dealt with it as my dd went to a school to support her SEN In a very different area to the one we live.

" dd is really looking forward to coming to tea, but she's not used to playing outside. I'm a bit worried about her being out on her own...she's not got great road sense...Would you mind keeping an extra eye on her please if they go out to play?"

As for the rest of your concerns, well you have to go with the flow really. All families are different...err, and no matter where my dd went, including families with a parent in prison...no-one was standing about drinking and smoking and clutching pit bulls....

She will be fine, really!

I've never seen a Pit Bull or Staffie roaming free.

Me either usual. Weird, isn't it?