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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DD to have play-dates or attend parties in certain areas due to safety concerns?

640 replies

HourOrTwo · 26/04/2015 16:15

She is 7. Until now she only has playdates with friends whose parents we know well, but now she has a bigger group of friends. Some of these friends live on local council estates. One of these estates has a particularly bad reputation (drug problems, unemployment, high crime rate). When I drove through it recently I noticed kids playing out in street, groups of youths standing around smoking and drinking, big dogs in studded collars roaming around (no muzzles), rubbish everywhere etc. I don't mean to sound judgemental but it's not the sort of place we want DD playing or walking around.

We're happy for DD's friends to come play at ours, and we want her to socialise with children from social different backgrounds... but recently she's been invited on several play-dates on these estates plus a party. So far I've made excuses, as I don't want her playing out unsupervised and TBH don't like her going to houses unless I know the parents and trust them to keep a close eye on her. Even if I chatted to these mums at school gates and they promise to supervise, I don't want her going to houses where anyone is smoking, drinking or teenage siblings are coming in and out with their mates, or any household with a dangerous dog (there are a lot of pitbulls and rottweilers on the estate), but I can't really ask this.

How do we politely decline these play-dates without offending anyone? Is there a way we can have DD's friends at our house without her going to their houses? And what do I tell DD, without mentioning it's because of the area her friends live?

OP posts:
richthegreatcornholio · 28/04/2015 07:47

YANBU OP. No way on earth my kids will be going on play dates in council estates. Shouldn't really be too much of an issue though as I don't see where they'll meet these kids in the first place.

parsnipbob · 28/04/2015 07:50

Rich yes god forbid your precious DCs should be around those awful plebs right? They might grow up open minded or something.

ConfusedInBath · 28/04/2015 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

richthegreatcornholio · 28/04/2015 08:04

Rich yes god forbid your precious DCs should be around those awful plebs right? They might grow up open minded or something.

They'll have plenty of opportunities to become open minded without having to associate with the dregs of society.

ConfusedInBath · 28/04/2015 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

parsnipbob · 28/04/2015 08:09

Oh I've seen this dude before on another thread. He was as enlightened then too.

richthegreatcornholio · 28/04/2015 08:10

Unless you are thick and judgemental? Heh.
Quite the opposite of thick but certainly judgemental!

usualsuspect333 · 28/04/2015 08:10

Your kids already associate with the dregs of society. Rich.

That will be you.

ConfusedInBath · 28/04/2015 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

parsnipbob · 28/04/2015 08:15

Rich, your comment makes no sense as I assume by 'the opposite of thick' you are implying you are of great intelligence. When no one of great intelligence would have the views you've just expressed.

FWIW, I spent part of my childhood on a council estate. My mother was a Cambridge graduate and was not unemployed. I have 4 A grades at A level and a first class degree from a good university. Are we the dregs of society you refer to?

GratefulHead · 28/04/2015 08:21

I think it's only right you satisfy yourself that your DD will be safe wherever she has a play date.

You did rather lose my support somewhat when you noted that "the estate mums" didn't ask any questions when their child came on a play date to yours. Presumably that's because they know you from school, know your DD and are not judgemental.....unlike you.

As for "the mums from the estates", words just fail me at that. You mean Mums like ME? And I have professional qualifications, a nice leafy cul de sac home (but yes it's still an estate ..a mix of social housing and private housing).

Sadly the "them and us" attitude just spills over in your posts, you make judgements about these Mums, re-read your posts, you are judging them based upon where they live and that's sad.

usualsuspect333 · 28/04/2015 08:21

I wouldn't worry to much, Rich.

I doubt any woman would want to have children with you.

GratefulHead · 28/04/2015 08:21

Interesting posts Rich, school not started yet?

BettyCatKitten · 28/04/2015 08:21

I think Rich is purposely goading, do you think he's Jeremy Clarkson?

richthegreatcornholio · 28/04/2015 08:22

*Your kids already associate with the dregs of society. Rich.

That will be you.*
Lol, spoken like true socialist filth

parsnipbob · 28/04/2015 08:23

Rich I notice you're conveniently ignoring my post? Please answer my question. Are myself and my mother the dregs of society?

richthegreatcornholio · 28/04/2015 08:24

I doubt any woman would want to have children with you.

I suspect my wife and child would probably disagree with you.

usualsuspect333 · 28/04/2015 08:25

You will be late for school, Rich. Run along now.

richthegreatcornholio · 28/04/2015 08:26

Parsnip did you work yourself out of a council estate?

parsnipbob · 28/04/2015 08:26

Still ignoring my post because it doesn't tally with your argument I see.

parsnipbob · 28/04/2015 08:27

What do you mean, did I 'work myself' off one? We lived there when I was a kid because we couldn't afford anywhere else, we weren't on benefits though.

I don't live on one now, if that's what you are asking.

usualsuspect333 · 28/04/2015 08:27

He's a troll. parsnip.

ConfusedInBath · 28/04/2015 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

richthegreatcornholio · 28/04/2015 08:31

No, I'm not a troll

parsnipbob · 28/04/2015 08:35

Don't think he is. Have seen him on a number of threads, spouting the same sort of nonsense.

He seems to have rather lost his tongue now, though.