'Why do you assume their economic status means the parents won't look after your child properly?'
I have not assumed this at all. I said I don't trust parents I don't know. I don't know any mums on the estate, they keep themselves to themselves and decline my offers of coffee, so I don't know what their parenting styles are like. I suspect they don't share my values about supervision as their DDs revealed they always play-out without an adult. They told me at home they walk to shop and playground by themselves and were confused when I said DD is not allowed to do this. I have no issue with other people letting older siblings look after their OWN kids, but I would expect a responsible adult to be present for duration of a playdate.
Sorry, but I would be livid if I picked DD up from a play-date and found mum had gone out and left her in care of a teenage sibling. This happened to one of my friend's DDs. When she picked her up the house was full of teenage lads drinking cider, who informed her they were 'in charge' as mum had gone out shopping. I think this is completely irresponsible... I would not want my 7-year-old left alone with a group of teenage lads! I don't care what the socioeconomic status or location is, this is potentially risky and scary for a young child.
For the record, plenty of my friends consider themselves 'working class' and most do not live in big houses. However, most do not let their DC go to these estates for playdates... not because they look down on families who live there, but because there is a very high crime rate and heroin problem. They feel it is not safe.
Re drinking, smoking indoors and big dogs running loose, I wouldn't let my child go to any house where parents did this, regardless of location. There is a mum in our circle of friends who has a drink problem (big house, lots of money) and I don't let DD go there on playdates.
As for studded collars, anyone who puts a studded or spiked collar on a pitbull is obviously trying to make it look scary and threatening. Why else would you choose a collar like this?
'But it's no reflection at all on their work ethic. confused How odd to assume that impressive house = hard work'
Saying anyone with money got it through 'luck' is just as offensive and judgemental as saying anyone without money didn't try hard enough at school. DH and I both studied hard, worked hard to progress our careers and saved hard to get to where we are now. We did not have our educations funded by parents, or use inherited money to buy our house. Most people I know worked very hard to achieve what they have.
Many on this thread are obviously hypersensitive to anyone 'looking down' on them or daring to have concerns about children playing out somewhere with a bad reputation. How do you expect your children to maintain friendships if you think everyone not living on estates is a snob and therefore must be sneering at you?? If you laugh at mums you consider 'posh' how do you expect them to get to know you or trust you?
I haven't made assumptions about council estates or anyone who lives there, but I do have concerns about the environment my DD would be playing in (when driving through I have observed drunk people swigging from bottles in street, big groups of youths hanging out, loose pitbulls, piles rubbish in streets etc) that are perfectly reasonable concerns. Im not saying all estates are like this and I'm sure some estates are very nice, but these particular ones do NOT seem safe (an opinion reflected by crime statistics). I can't trust a stranger not to let DD play-out unless I either know them very well, or I know they don't let their own child play-out unsupervised either.