AIBU to not want strange men sleeping next to me post operative?

[bracingair]

I am due to have a c-section in UCLH and I was chatting to one of the midwives. She said post natal you are in a 4 bedded bay. Partners can sleep over, and they don't like the curtains closed so they can keep an eye on u. This is not my first so very likely DH will not stay overnight.

I think it is wonderful that women can have their partners over if they want, but I do not want someone else's partner right by me! I know resources are stretched but I think it is putting me in a position I am very uncomfortable with. AIBU and if not, what can I do about this?

higgle you seem to be equating more relatives etc being on the ward with lower rates of infection/MRSA because they can keep an eye on what is going on. You do know the exact opposite is true right? People coming in from outside bring in germs on their bags, coats etc and don't always follow infection control procedures such as always using antibac handfoam when entering or leaving.

'Wrote down all comments nurses and drs said' - oh jesus christ, I bet you were famous behind the scenes

after DD2 was born the midwife ran me a nice bath, I bled like billy-o as I was climbing in, and it resembled something from a horror movie, and yes,I got out, making a lot more mess on the floor, to call for the MW to come and see, to judge, as the professional, how serious it was.(Straight back to bed in a wheelchair for me!)

Some of you would have had me shot for not asking for a pair of marigolds and some flash to clear up!

everyother I am sorry for your loss and am appalled that you had to go through that experience so publicly. I had no idea things like this were done in a ward, with visitors and other patients so close by.

When I had my son, partners were not allowed to stay overnight.

I found it really hard as I had a difficult birth. But with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that it was the best option. The midwives were there to look after me and my son. They did a fantastic job and I couldn't fault them. Everyone's partners are different. Mine is obviously fantastic but others might be disruptive/loud/annoying. At least with nobody being allowed their partners, all us women were on a level playing field and in the same boat. Rightly or wrongly, I do think I would have felt uncomfortable recovering from birth with other peoples partners present, especially so if mine was not there and there will always be women on their own for whatever reason.

The hospital I gave birth in did have quite a few private bays and I expect had I really needed my husband, we would have been allocated a room. One couple who had delivered twins at 26 weeks, were quite rightly moved to a side room and allowed to stay together.

In my case, quite rightly, my husband was sent home. The midwives knew he needed rest so that he could help me the following days. The birth took its toll on him too. The break really did do him good. They also knew that they were there for me and my DS. They also knew, that despite how I felt, I was fine, and that my post birth emotions etc were all very normal.

However I do not doubt that the levels of care etc varies from hospital to hospital. I was very fortunate indeed.

At one point I thought it was my blooming womb that fell out, I had no idea that clots could be so big. I knew anything above an orange sized clot was cause for talking to HCP, and there was no way I was going to touch it. It was all icky. I only bled for a couple of days mind you, which was a great side effect of passing so much so quickly.

Love the idea that if everyone brought in a partner, MRSA would be reduced!

I'm shocked men are allowed to stay. My local hospital is very strict, all visitors leave by 8pm. No exceptions. I would hate this.

Interesting that none of higgle's points responded to how uncomfortable having her conjoined-husband there with her would have made them.

newsflash: women bleed, sometimes badly, after childbirth. If you don't like the thought of it, stay away from the loos on the maternity ward.

newsflash: you may also see blood splats and wee splats on the floors and cubicle curtains. But having a room full of other randoms is much more of a risk to the mums and babies than any of these bodily fluids are to other people!

My waters went down the toilet on labour ward - it looked like a bloodbath! but did all flush away.

I don't think higgle really knows what she's talking about when it comes to the clinical side of things. Either that, or the only people that matter to her are her and her hushband, and sod everyone else.Hopefully she sticks to going private when it comes to any future treatment, thereby avoiding pissing off any NHS staff and patients.

I'm a bit shocked at reading this, I didn't realise partners could sleep over now. I'm not sure I understand the necessity of it. I gave birth last year and I was in hospital for 2 nights. We were very lucky that the care on our postnatal ward was very good. DP was allowed in the hospital between 9am and 9pm, but I'm not sure if him staying overnight would have benefitted us at all.

At first I really didn't want DP to go home at night, and of course he wanted to stay with me and DS, but i think it worked out much better that it was just me and baby in hospital - midwives were there to look after us, and after the very long labour, DP went home and managed to catch up on his sleep, sort the house out, bring some extra clothes for me etc. so by the time we came home he wasn't shattered, and was in a much better position to support me whilst I rested and all I had to really worry about was feeding the baby.

I left the post natal ward after a three night stay yesterday and had struggled with breastfeeding in hospital. Funnily enough it's all worked out fine since I'm in the comfort and privacy of my own house without partners around. The husband of the one in the bed next to me peered through the gap left by the midwife in my curtains when I was feeding.
It was hell and I hope I never have to be in hospital again.

She certainly doesn't know what she's talking about when it comes to the legal side of things, anyway.

When I had a Caesarian you were put in a private room for at least 24 hours after the birth and not allowed any visitors at all except your DH.

Clearly this is a huge issue and I'm more than happy to accept that I may well have upset people by having DH stay over.
I truly apologise if I did upset anyone or make them feel uncomfortable and if the had been the option to have a private room (for a fee or otherwise) then I would taken it.
What I don't understand is if so many women are upset and uncomfortable by having partners stay over then why do so many hospitals allow it, even when the woman doesn't have circumstances that could be classed as extenuating?

What I don't understand is if so many women are upset and uncomfortable by having partners stay over then why do so many hospitals allow it, even when the woman doesn't have circumstances that could be classed as extenuating?

Judging by this thread, it's so they can reduce staff numbers and let partners do the nursing instead of the patients.

That should read "instead of the NURSES"

I had a baby at UCH in January and ended up on a bay with ladies who had undergone sections.

I was told about the curtain being open (front curtain) when I was shown to the bed [about 8am] MW explained they kept curtains open in daytime but didn't say why.

I had to have an hours skin to skin with baby as she was a bit cold, the MW actually closed the curtain for me. We also had an in-depth hearing test as baby failed the initial one and again the curtain was closed.

In-fact I had curtain closed most of the time come to think of it. Granted I was only there for less than 6 hours and I hadn't had a section myself.

Can we stop this whole you should just get on with it stance when it comes to women coping without their partners.

I did not disturb anyone by having my oh stay with me, we were put in our own side room but i felt really bad that I could not cope like all the other women on the shared ward without having people telling me to get on with it, and why would
I need my oh there anyway.

Luckily it was the head midwife on my ward who made the decision to put me in a side room and for some cases it is needed. I think most hospitals should try to offer this if really needed. I would not want men on a shared ward, I agree with most on here but some posts are really just black and white, and judgemental if God forbid things happen and you need the support of someone else with you.

Lucky you BoB for getting a side room, pity there aren't enough for everyone.

This thread has been a real shock to me. I'm expecting my first, I didn't realise partners staying over was allowed. I'm going to have to check with my local maternity ward, hopefully they don't allow such a thing, otherwise, some baby-savings will have to go on a private room. I'm far from a 'man hater', don't even call myself a feminist, but it takes common sense to see this is wrong. No man knows the after effects of birth, and I really don't want someone else's 'dear' partner around when I'm trying to get to grips with breastfeeding. I wish homebirth was an option for me now, I was very set for hospital before.

If I had had to be on a shared ward I would rather DH was there and have the presence of other peoples DHs than be on my own. A new baby has two parents and they should both be able to be with the baby in the early hours.

I've just had a leaf through a few guidlines and info about hospital qcquired infections and it doesn't seem that visitors are mentioned as a riks in most. The main problem is poor hand hygiene in hospital staff who spread infection between patients, sothat is something visitos can be observant about other infections come from poor catheter practice etc.

I think with two DCs 3 procedures under anaesthetic and a DH who has had his nose done twice, an arthroscopy and 10 days in hospital waiting to be told there was nothing wrong with him, plus a mother of 90 who has had falls and running a care service where I see the elderly treated terribly in hospital week in week out I probably know at least as much about it as most of the other people who have posted on here.

When every week we hear reports of court cases about serious medical negligence I'm surprised that doing ones utmost to keep relations who are in hospital safe and those who are "caring" for them accountable is so contentious.

So keeping relatives safe is allowing non patients to kip in a maternity ward then,Higgle? You really have an odd idea of safety.

The problem is Higgle that not all partners would fall into the category of simply doing one's utmost to keep relations safe and care for them. Whenever this comes up, time and time again we hear stories of partners who have been obnoxious, threatening, aggressive, or merely thoughtless pains in the arse. It isn't a matter of opinion whether this sort of thing happens- it does. Clearly this sort of behaviour isn't limited solely to male partners, because plenty of posters have stories of peoples mums, cousins, best mates etc doing it too. However, nobody is proposing to let them stay overnight.

AGirlCalledBob I sympathise, but equally you're effectively saying that women who had a problem with your partner being there overnight should also have just got on with it. You don't know whether him being there disturbed anyone else or not.

Higgle- as others have said, when you have a c section the midwives have to check the volume and appearance of your urine. They give you a bedpan, you put it in the loo,
Pee into it, leave it there and tell the midwives it's ready for checking. This is what they need you to do and the only practical way to do it. Same goes for the examination of any clots etc.

To those raising the issue of eradicating mixed wards- I don't think this is a mixed ward scenario. The men aren't patients, they are there to support their partners. For my recent stay almost everyone had their partner staying which i
Guess is why there weren't any
Complaints or upsets although on a different day it could've been a different story.

However it was very
Accepted that men would stay- DH even stayed pre natally before there was a baby and before I needed any physical help. The hospital seemed to assume this was the best thing.

For us, I think we would've accepted either way. But post natally I needed him desperately. I have no idea how I would've met my babies needs alone.