AIBU to not want strange men sleeping next to me post operative?

[bracingair]

I am due to have a c-section in UCLH and I was chatting to one of the midwives. She said post natal you are in a 4 bedded bay. Partners can sleep over, and they don't like the curtains closed so they can keep an eye on u. This is not my first so very likely DH will not stay overnight.

I think it is wonderful that women can have their partners over if they want, but I do not want someone else's partner right by me! I know resources are stretched but I think it is putting me in a position I am very uncomfortable with. AIBU and if not, what can I do about this?

[LucilleBluth]

This happened to me, I had DD in Canada, I was given a 'semi private' room, I was on my own and at about 3am another woman is wheeled in with her partner, they we so noisy and he slept literally two feet away from me, it was fucking awful......she then had a sit load of loud visitors. She was a lawyer, I know this because when she was alone she was creaming down the phone to her office....entitled doesn't even cover it. I asked to be moved.

[SirChenjin]

YANBU - at all. Is there any possibility of going to another hospital? . Who the hell thought that this was appropriate??

[tictactoad]

Bonkers policy YANBU.

I'm glad mine were all born before this was introduced.

[CaptainHolt]

I didn't see a mw for hours. A cleaner sat with me for a bit in the corridor but she kept saying she would get in trouble. It was like a ghost town. The payphone was out of order and my mobile didn't work and for some reason I didn't think to use the ward phone (which was ringing off the hook with nobody to answer it). Someone took me down to a labour room when I was about 8cm and I discharged myself from there. I should have complained but I didn't want to have to go over it and it was nearly 10 years ago so it's a bit late now.

People often forget that their partner may be lovely, but other peoples are often absolute shits. Also, your lovely, helpful DP is still a stranger to the woman in the next bed.

[redexpat]

Well im going to go against the grain here and say dads staying with their partners and newborns is agood thing and sets a precedent for the next 18 years.The problem is that everyone should be in a private room with twin beds. So YANBU.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

It sounds hideous. It was hard enough when some partners arrived early and were there all day (and worse if they brought the toddler), using patients' toilets and generall being very present, IYKWIM, but it would have been dreadful if they stayed over, all that undignified shuffling to the bathroom and the trying to feed, falling asleep and the covers coming off ...

[AbbeyRoadCrossing]

Happened to me at the Whittington last year and the postnatal ward there is massive, must be about 30 beds. I understand the bonding thing but some were really inconsiderate e .g . arguing with partners, watching TV on tablets loudly. I know the postnatal ward isn't exactly peace and quiet but you can avoid those things.
I felt quite uncomfortable shuffling around in my gown post section as the toilets were quite far, and a bit exposed really.
The other thing was when I couldn't move and rang the bell for the midwives to pass me DS they were a bit like "where's your partner" I got the impression it enabled them to cut down on staff. (I'd sent DH home for a proper nights sleep as I had a long stay)

[TattyDevine]

Not good. It will probably only be front curtains open but once you are uncatheterised you will be shuffling to the toilet (and you will probably be encouraged to do so within 24 hours of the section and pretty much as soon as your spinal or epi has worn off, within reason) and whilst you will be in good company, with every woman pretty much in the same boat, you can do without able bodied members of the opposite sex also there. Not all of them keep their eyes to themselves. I'm not saying they are all pervs, its not really that, but they can be curious and you can do without the goldfish bowl feeling at a vulnerable time.

In an ideal world people who wanted their partners there (and there is nothing wrong with wanting them there) would have a private room (in which case keeping an eye on the woman is less of an issue because there is someone who really cares in there with her) and those who don't could have the ward. But this is obviously not possible, and I think its wrong to foist this option on everyone even if they are not taking up on it. 2nd and subsequent time mothers will generally not take up this option as generally its better to have dad at home keeping things ticking over with the previous children.

I think its a half baked idea, there are much longer visiting hours in maternity than a normal "sick" ward and many women are sent home same day if not next day (they nearly sent me home the day after a section, which I welcomed, and was only not possible due to DD not feeding and her blood sugars being low and her jittering) so its barely necessary. There is plenty of time to bond a day or two later, and some people have a traumatic enough birth experience without having these added obstacles. For first time mothers it can be daunting enough how much intrusion and lack of dignity there is (or it can feel that way) without adding the opposite sex.

I sound man shy but really I am not. Not in the slightest

[fatlazymummy]

It's irrelevant how nice another woman's partner may be. Some women want privacy during and after birth and while breastfeeding. Why is that being denied to them?

[JustMarriedBecca]

I recently had a baby at UCH (as in the last 6 months). The postnatal ward is pretty horrific but I had a C-sec and was out the next day. There was naff all help with breastfeeding and I was ringing the buzzer like crazy because I couldn't get up to pick up my DD and she needed feeding.

They keep the curtains open during the day (just at the front and only about 30 cm). The sides are closed.

There was a private room but it was £250 a night. There was only one other woman in my bay of four.

[Icimoi]

Fine to give people the option, but it should be on the footing that those who don't want it are in a separate all-female ward.

[Ledkr]

there have been thrrads over the years about this and they are nearly always equally divided.
I've had 4 sections and would have hated this and I absoluteky agree with the point that in no other circumstances does this happen.
Mixed wards are rare or extinct do why is this allowed?
If yih want your partber there then pay for a private ward, the woman is the patient and should take priority over a man in these circumstances.
As an ex nurse I cNnot understand how this works with health and safety, with infection control, use of facilities and security.
Dreadful.

[rightguard]

Completely agree with you op. I've just spent 5 nights on a post natal ward and on the last night there were 6 women, 6 babies and 4 partners in there. I hated it. the men were supposed to stay in the cubicles and only use visitors toilet but they were wandering all over the place. plus the constant chatting, snoring.

was not pleasant. I don't know what you can do about it op, except for requesting a single room.

[PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom]

I would feel intimidated, unhappy and exposed too. No one has any place on a shared ward overnight except fellow patients. Fine in a private room if they can manage issues like bathroom facilities, not otherwise.

I would complain, loudly and vociferously. Preferably in writing.

If they have stopped private rooms you won't change anything, but they need to hear that this is not a good idea. Not ok.

[Morelikeguidelines]

Yanbu.

You must insist on having curtains shut.

I think it's very bad that dad's can just stay over on ward. Women need some privacy after giving birth. They make "like" to keep curtains open but that's tough if that insist on allowing men to stay.

[SingingHinnies]

wow i can't believe this actually happens, last time i had a baby was 6 years ago but woman who had C sections were on the ward with the rest of the woman but breast feeding mothers were separated from bottle feeding mothers, no husbands on either ward. I would be unhappy about it as well

[butterflyballs]

Sounds awful. When I had my youngest 9 years ago I was on a six bed ward, we'd all had c-sections or very bad births. We were a very quiet lot, very considerate of each other, slept when the babies did and then had a chat when we were feeding. It was nice to feel so comfortable among a group of strangers. I would not have been happy with men being there getting in the way, having to cover up all the time, not able to talk openly about body stuff.

[misskatamari]

I'm with Buttermilly on this one. We were readmitted with dd when she was a day old due to jaundice and feeding issues and the first night I spent in hospital alone was the worst night I have ever faced. I had to try and feed, then express and feed formula every 2 hours and was almost broken by the time dh arrived the next day. Thankfully he was allowed to stay for the next three nights we were in and I don't know what I would have done without him. There should be a better provision for privacy, I agree, but I personally think partners being able to stay is a good thing

[Ledkr]

I farted loudly and A LOT after my sections, I also dripped blood on the floor during my first trip to the loo, cried for no reason and sit for ages trying to poo in the toilet.
Those are just a few of the post section activities which Id have hated to happen within earshot or sight of a load of people.
Men or women.

[Ledkr]

I have also had one at 29 weeks and another with an undiagnosed cleft palate and pneumonia post birth.
I coped ok on my own, would have been nice for DH to be there but not if others were uncomfortable.

[FayKorgasm]

This would be a nightmare for me. I agree with the poster above,they should have an option of an all female ward or partner ward. The women and babies are the patients, not the men.

[Ledkr]

I've had cancer and needed not to be alone far more than after Id had my babies, even the poorly ones!
But you just can't.

[PurpleSwift]

I think it's fine tbh but if you feel uncomfortable if be insisting on closing the curtains. I'd have given a lot to have my OH stay with me.