To be uncomfortable that my heterosexual friend is volunteering for lgbt kids charity?

[travellingbird]

My friend has to be the most conscientious person. She is exceptionally engaged with social issues and currently works in a lefty cause (climate change). She told me she was about to start with a work-approved charity for LGBT young people in schools. The aim is to go into schools and address homophobia and gender stereotypes etc. She is hetero and cis. I'm gay, and she has been one of my closest friends even before I came out at 15. She has witnessed and supported me through my battles with homophobic parents. Our mutual best friend is also gay and identifies as agender.
She is well aware of her privilege (in a good way) and has aired her concerns about not being quite right for it, yet is proceeding.

So, am I unreasonable to be uncomfortable with her taking this role? Should I just be happy she is er, "helping us" and being a wonderful ally?

So you don't use the word, yet you criticise other people objecting to it...

Why? Because I've had a lot of discussion on the feminist boards.
It's a great way to have an argument derailed because people pick up on that word and focus on it.

So why not just bleddy drop it?

It causes offence, detracts from the real issues. Where's the value?

I don't have strong feelings one way or another about the word cis but why is it hateful? Genuine question.

VelevetRose - I wouldn't say hateful, just inaccurate. Feminism is about rejecting gender identity.

Cis is not used to describe non Trans people. It is used to describe people whose biological sex and gender identity matches. Which cuts our virtually all feminists.

I don't understand this lucycant. Can you explain what you mean by the last bit please?

Gender identity is about stereotypes. You feel like a woman or man based on stereotypical likes and dislikes and behaviour. Feminism is about getting rid of stereotypes.

As far as I am concerned I am a woman. Just that.
If someone who is transgender and is now a woman then, as far as I am concerned, they are a woman.

It is really none of my business what gender someone was born with.
It is none of my business what sexual orientation they are.
They are people.

If someone wants to attach a label to themselves as part of their identity, fine. Personally, I don't feel the need to label people according to their sexual orientation or whether they still have the same gender they were born with.

lucy

You are showing a complete ignorance of what it is like to be trans.

Haven't read while thread so not sure if this has been covered but women are not "cis" we are women . And by the way we are not privileged and more to the point you are being v unreasonable to be bitching on here about a friend who has given you masses o support at a difficult time in your life.

Exactly Soup

As a teacher who recently attended a pshe day where there were workshops about being lgbt, I think anyone who is trying to help educate young people about these issues should be applauded. The ignorance and prejudice displayed by the pupils was absolutely shocking! As long as your friend is well trained by the charity to deliver the material I really don't see the issue.

Totally agree with Soup

But I also hate the term cis. It is not a label I give myself, nor one I want so why do some people insist on using it?

There are plenty of terms that gay, trans etc people find offensive which I wouldn't use so why not show the same respect back rather than constantly using this ugly cis word?

lucy You are showing a complete ignorance of what it is like to be trans

Orlando can you talk us through this a bit perhaps?

I'm just confused. Lucy is talking about feminist perspectives of cultural constructs of gender. Not trans-women and gender constructs.

Yes to SoupDragon.

White people don't tell black people the language to use.

They probably would have something to say about labels given to white people that they find offensive. Tolerance and understanding cuts both ways.

bushoevden

No - I won't. I have done more of my fair share of talking about being trans on here. I've been there, had some arguments,some horrible things said to me and it's too hard for my mental health.

So you just want everyone to STFU and accept everything you say without question?

MN doesn't work like that.

You can accept what I think. I have said what I think. I'm not going to explain more.

You don't have to believe what I think. Many people don't.

In the same way that 'cis' is not accepted by women as a label they want or need

Why don't you ask the OP or the other women on this thread who have used it?

And news to you - the trans community is a whole range of people. It's not fucking group think. There are a whole range of people who believe different fucking things.

Just like in any community.

I think it was more than a little unfair to (nonsensically) level that accusation at Lucy like that if you aren't prepared to elucidate Orlando.

MrsDeVere that is what I was trying to say, but you've explained it so much more clearly!

Sorry Orlando. Sorry I said 'you', I didn't mean you personally more of a general you for people that use the term. Also sorry to hear your mental health has suffered.

Want to know why?

I get accused of derailing the thread.
I get accused of making it about me.
People come on and this whole thread which is supposed to be about LGBT people in school gets derailed into trans issues.

That's why. It's called many years experience of having to explain what being trans is to people and then people not believing me.

This thread is not about cis. It's about what the OP said.

You don't have to defend the word on behalf of a whole community Orlando.

A thread isn't worth stress to your MH.