To be uncomfortable that my heterosexual friend is volunteering for lgbt kids charity?

[travellingbird]

My friend has to be the most conscientious person. She is exceptionally engaged with social issues and currently works in a lefty cause (climate change). She told me she was about to start with a work-approved charity for LGBT young people in schools. The aim is to go into schools and address homophobia and gender stereotypes etc. She is hetero and cis. I'm gay, and she has been one of my closest friends even before I came out at 15. She has witnessed and supported me through my battles with homophobic parents. Our mutual best friend is also gay and identifies as agender.
She is well aware of her privilege (in a good way) and has aired her concerns about not being quite right for it, yet is proceeding.

So, am I unreasonable to be uncomfortable with her taking this role? Should I just be happy she is er, "helping us" and being a wonderful ally?

And I don't think you can say use both terms or use neither. They are not all encompassing. A person is not either trans or cis.

Do you define some people as trans-women or let them define themselves as just women?

I have no problem with them self describing as women. Of course, there may be situations where that might not fit their purpose.

transwomen can call themselves women all they like. They are never going to be the same type of woman. In a situation where the difference matters, they are transwomen, not women.

That does not make it acceptable to insult and belittle the rest of use by calling us "cis"

Glad some of you are not trans allies going into schools to talk about trans issues.

Why Orlando?

'Transwoman' is a self-applied label, 'Ciswoman' isn't.

Alienating a large proportion of (probably otherwise sympathetc) born-women with clumsy terminology that gives offence is in no-one's interests.

Why?

If it takes a word like "cis" to alienate you, then you probably don't understand nor are sympathetic about trans issues. There are many people on here who are supportive of LGB issues but not T. And if it just takes one word to alienate you, then I don't want you as a trans ally.

If it takes a word like "cis" to alienate you, then you probably don't understand nor are sympathetic about trans issues.

Nonsense.

I rest my case.

Men don't say to women "I would be a feminist but please change your language"

White people don't tell black people the language to use.

For such a small group, trans people generate a lot of hostility. Young people are more tolerant than older people.

And no - quite frankly, I do not want a trans ally who is alienated by a word.
There is enough hate and misunderstanding of trans people (just look on here) without people saying "well, I support trans people but some of them use the word "cis" so they can fuck off"

If it takes a word like "cis" to alienate you, then you probably don't understand nor are sympathetic about trans issues.

What piffle.

You know how men react when a feminist tells them something.

It's a bit like the previous 2 posts. Dismissal of what the feminist says.

Im ignorant what does cis mean

And it tells me enough about their views of trans issues and their understanding.

Cis is a word some people use to describe people who do not identify as trans.

It comes from Latin.

It is not transphobic or belittling of trans issues to reject the hateful label of 'cis'.

White people don't tell black people the language to use.

And no - quite frankly, I do not want a trans ally who is alienated by a word.There is enough hate and misunderstanding of trans people (just look on here) without people saying "well, I support trans people but some of them use the word "cis" so they can fuck off"

Well, let's look at some 'ally' situations from history, such as white freedom riders and white anti-apartheid campaigners. What would have been gained by saddling them with an unnecessary and diminishing appellation?

It IS an alienating thing to do.

But cis is a word you're using to describe non trans people. It isn't a word used by trans people to describe themselves. Surely I have the right to object to a label put on me by others

You know how men react when a feminist tells them something.

It's a bit like the previous 2 posts. Dismissal of what the feminist says.

Oh, so I'm not a feminist because you disapprove of my feminism?

THAT is dismissal.

But cis is a word you're using to describe non trans people

Am I?

I don't use it. The person on this thread who used it is not a trans person. Other people who use it are also non trans

I would much rather have someone like her as a supporter than other people.

Charis is probably the best qualified person on the thread to give a proper definition of 'cis' Mrsjayy

Why don't you use the word 'cis', Orlando?

buxhoevden

Nice twisting of words.

You dismissed a trans person's point of view with the word piffle.

In the same way a man dismisses a feminists point of view with a put down.

janine

Why? Because I've had a lot of discussion on the feminist boards.
It's a great way to have an argument derailed because people pick up on that word and focus on it.

I also don't use in day to day life because I have no need to.

I don't use it on here because I am sick to the back teeth of the trans threads, the hate, lack of understanding and sympathy and the obsession some people have with a small group of people. So I don't discuss trans issues anymore.

I see your point, but who best to take kids through the difficulties of being lgbt in a largely straight world than a sympathetic straight person who is close friends with a gay person? Your straight pal accepts and loves you irrespective of your sexuality, isn't this exactly the kind of relationship we want to show is healthy and normal? Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to go along with her one day and discuss how your friendship works with the kids so they can see being straight and being lgbt are both normal and fine and no barrier to good relationships.

You dismissed a trans person's point of view with the word piffle.

No. I dismissed the specific notion that "If it takes a word like "cis" to alienate you, then you probably don't understand nor are sympathetic about trans issues." with the word piffle.

I'm not going to feel obliged to agree with anything a trans-person might say, purely because they are trans.

Cis is not used to describe non Trans people. It is used to describe people whose biological sex and gender identity matches. Which cuts our virtually all feminists.