To be uncomfortable that my heterosexual friend is volunteering for lgbt kids charity?

[travellingbird]

My friend has to be the most conscientious person. She is exceptionally engaged with social issues and currently works in a lefty cause (climate change). She told me she was about to start with a work-approved charity for LGBT young people in schools. The aim is to go into schools and address homophobia and gender stereotypes etc. She is hetero and cis. I'm gay, and she has been one of my closest friends even before I came out at 15. She has witnessed and supported me through my battles with homophobic parents. Our mutual best friend is also gay and identifies as agender.
She is well aware of her privilege (in a good way) and has aired her concerns about not being quite right for it, yet is proceeding.

So, am I unreasonable to be uncomfortable with her taking this role? Should I just be happy she is er, "helping us" and being a wonderful ally?

It is the USE of the word 'cis' that causes the derailment.

Every single time.

If you think discussing the word 'cis' is a derail which you are now bemoaning, Orlando, then I'm confused as to why you posted this:

If it takes a word like "cis" to alienate you, then you probably don't understand nor are sympathetic about trans issues. There are many people on here who are supportive of LGB issues but not T. And if it just takes one word to alienate you, then I don't want you as a trans ally.

And yy to MrsdeVere's post

Oh, should have read to the end of thead. As for the word "cis", I care not. Used as a derogatory term, its the equivalent of an unarmed boy throwing rocks at the tank that's knocking down his house. How dare that little boy use violence against us? Can't he see that some of us inside the tank just want to help him?

No it isn't infinite. It's just bad manners.

I'm a neighbour, not a tank-dweller.

Just wanted to de-lurk lend support to Orlando, I agree with Buxhoeveden, you don't need to defend the word or your thoughts on the use of the term. I know people on MN are curious and want explanation but you don't need to educate us.

Back to the OP - I think if the charity accepts her as a volunteer then you don't need to have any concerns.

What is wrong with the term cis? It simply means you gender identify with your biological sex. It's a useful term.

Sure. But anybody calling me CIS is making one helluva big assumption about me and my sexuality that I may not be comfortable about them making.

It is a bit probing, and erm "in my personal space" to call ME something that I am not calling myself, rightfully or not.

What people call themselves is one thing, how they brand others something quite different.

To draw another parallel:
To be specific to the minute detail, I have scottish, norwegian, finnish, danish, sami and kvæn ancestry but I am just me and I dont go around thinking about how I am defined in any way. Nor do most people.

It's like all those words about someone who is not one of your "tribe". Goyim etc. there are lots of those words and they are never words people use about themselves. I don't want anyone to give me a name and box me into a concept I don't use and don't want to be imposed on me.

Of course gender identity is based on stereotypes. Although body dysphoria is sometimes part of the issue.

i still don't get the feminism being anti gender identity thing. So if you feel like yourself as a feminine woman is that conforming to a stereotype? What if that's how you feel comfortable?

Bux

I don't think we get to choose. Anyone who is born with the genitals they feel they should have is automatically inside the tank. We might not want to be there, we might hate the people steering the tank almost as much as the boy throwing stones does, but when it comes to this sort of tribal warfare we don't get to choose our tribe. I see it as part of accepting moral responsibility for the actions of people with who we share a social group. That we take responsibility for the actions of those with whom we share authority is, for me, a vital part of social advancement. Not neighbours, potential sympathisers unless we demonstrate otherwise.

Quint

I guess the point is that having the personal space to define oneself is a luxury trans people just don't have. You take offence at being called CIS... but why? To be very blunt, who cares what trans people assume about you as a non-trans. Is it going to stop you getting a job? Stop you living a happy life? There's a bigger picture here, your ability to be who you are is a magnitude of order greater than that of the typical trans person.

You feel oppressed by the patriarchy making negative assumptions about being a woman? Quite right you should resist that sort of pigeonholing. But give those a step further down the ladder a break! They are not trying to oppress you.

It isn't about what trans people think. They are a tiny minority of people.

There are a lot of people who want to believe women have 'feminine' brains to match their bodies - which is essentially what cis means. They've been telling us that for thousands of years.

It is nobody's business to make assumptions about my gender identity.

My point is that I think anybody trying to define somebody else than themselves are likely to be getting it wrong...

I am not denying anybody the right to pigeonhole or define themselves, by saying I dont like to be pigeonholed by third-parties.

Can I ask what's wrong with self defining as a 'transwoman' and defining women as...well ... Women?

What's wrong with being trans? Why shouldn't it be a drier are identity - the experience of transitioning from being a male to female or vice versa is surely an identity of its own.

infiniteregression, let me just explain something to you.

None of us are in any tank.

there is no tank.

The tank is a figment of your imagination.

You certainly don't get to tell me I am in any sort of tank because I have a certain type of genitals, or that I am exactly the same person in the as someone else with similar genitals. They are not actually in any tank either.

Because the tank is inside your head.

I'm sorry, Buxhoe, I hadn't seen what you had written before. I just get tired of the whole "why do you have a problem with cis" thing and misread your post as more of the same, when it wasn't.

To all you who are posting that people who reject "cis" are clearly evil people whose opinions can thus be disregarded: I reject being called "cis" because I'm not cis. Hope that helps.

Oh, and I know lots of other people who are neither cis nor trans, too. It's not in the slightest bit unusual.

It is anti feminist because of the assumptions that if you are a woman you should be "feminine" or a man "masculine". The reality is most people are a mixture of both.
Listen to people talking about why they are Trans. They either talk about stereotypes, or they say they just knew they felt like the opposite sex. Even though nobody can say what feeling like the opposite sex actually means. How would someone male knows what a woman feels like? I don't even know how other women feel.

I think I've heard everything now I've realised there are people offended by the word cis!

err, because it is offensive and derogatory, mellowjello !?

CIS is jargon. But then most of the words to do with minority group rights are.

It is definitely not derogatory! I don't know where you got that idea from, but all it means that you identify with the gender that you have been biologically identified as from birth. It's a Latin prefix meaning "on this side." (Trans is a Latin prefix meaning "on the other side.")