To be uncomfortable that my heterosexual friend is volunteering for lgbt kids charity?

[travellingbird]

My friend has to be the most conscientious person. She is exceptionally engaged with social issues and currently works in a lefty cause (climate change). She told me she was about to start with a work-approved charity for LGBT young people in schools. The aim is to go into schools and address homophobia and gender stereotypes etc. She is hetero and cis. I'm gay, and she has been one of my closest friends even before I came out at 15. She has witnessed and supported me through my battles with homophobic parents. Our mutual best friend is also gay and identifies as agender.
She is well aware of her privilege (in a good way) and has aired her concerns about not being quite right for it, yet is proceeding.

So, am I unreasonable to be uncomfortable with her taking this role? Should I just be happy she is er, "helping us" and being a wonderful ally?

Ubik - why the tone? My post says that role models are what LGBT teens need most, not presentations of materials. And while the OP's friend may be very good at what she does, a team including LGBT people, as suggested by a number of pp, would be better.

"I would not speak about being black."

There are maybe 3 non-white kids (1% of total) at DC school. There's one PT member of staff who is not white british. Should they ship in some adults of colour to show everyone what a non-white adult looks like? Or is the only non-white staff member the only one who can address these things, it's always down to her? Don't be daft.

I did some recruitment training at work this week and I'm not sure the Charity is legally allowed to discriminate in its volunteer recruitment on basis of gender identity, are they? You sure can't discriminate like that in paid jobs.

I think yabu. Very unreasonable. If she has been around and watched yourself struggle then she will have learnt some issues and sensitivity from that. However you don't have to have suffered something yourself to help others through it. People help at all sorts of charities without having suffered through the same situation themselves. Cancer charity workers, cancer support nurses, samaratian helpline workers don't have to have suffered mental health issues or have been suicidal themselves, not every youth worker has been bullied but nearly all will help kids through bullying issues. The list could go on. She also seems aware that she has not as much experience as others so will probably listen harder and take advice too. Just support, encourage and help her to help others.

Ragged, only trans people have legal protection on the basis of gender identity.

I don't have any 'tone'

I'm just saying what I think. Yes a 'role model' might be good. But they might be rubbish at communicating.

you're right, I am thinking of sexual preference as the protected characteristic (or is the correct terminology 'sexual orientation')? I find the language highly technical & therefore easily forgotten or mis-spoken.

I should imagine that a charity can request that members of certain groups can only take on certain roles within that group.

But they might be rubbish at communicating.

Well, in my experience (and I do have some), charities that work on behalf of LGBT youth don't send poor communicators out to do the communicating.

ragged It's sexual orientation, yes.

Yes, you can't discriminate against people on the basis of their sexual orientation, but there are sometimes exemptions from that, and the one of having a lesbian whose personal experience was relevant would be a good case for an exemption.

I don't think we can judge on this situation though because a. we don't really know what the job entails and b. she's a volunteer not an employee.

Wow, you're pretty discriminatory. Disturbing!!!

Indeed which means that identity isn't the most important factor. A person can be skilled at communicating and their identity is not relevant as long as the material is good.

They'd have to argue that the volunteer needed to be LBGT to do the job properly; OP says she's most bothered that her mate can't "talk about what it feels like to be lgbt."

Is it required for an outreach LBGT person to definitely share their own personal experience; is that personal sharing an essential job requirement? Because I imagine there's plenty of very personal things LBGT might not want to say to a room of random kids, but could still do the job in a general sense.

I do think there is a particular need for gay and lesbian role models in schools because many teachers find they cannot be out at school. It isn't really the same as being a woman or black.

A person can be skilled at communicating and their identity is not relevant as long as the material is good

Surely that very much depends on the purpose of their visit and work with the children.

Ooh, this says that Charities CAN discriminate against protected characteristics all that they like, in recruiting their volunteers.

Yes orlandowhich means really we are debating hot air

She might be handing out a few badges and key rings

You are discriminating against your friend having the role on the grounds of her sexuality despite her ability to understand the nature of the issues involved?

There have been some very helpful and insightful posts here but on the whole this thread is making me tired and quiet and angry. The accusations of heterophobia levelled at the OP. The comparisons between LGBT people and cats and drug addicts. The assumptions that LGBT are "biased" and "rubbish at communicating". The denial of homophobia and the fact that LGBT people are still being denied basic human rights in many countries.

You don't have to be a straight ally. You can just be non-homophobic and accepting and leave it at that. That's great. Or combat homophobia when you see it. That's really helpful, please keep doing that. But if you see yourself as an ally, then it would be so very helpful if you could invest some thought into what LGBT youth actually need. Or listen to LGBT people when they tell you what they needed when they were growing up. Non-white and Jewish children frequently have non-white and Jewish family member, who are, on the whole, accepting of their children's identities. LGBT children - not so much. They need role models. Queer identities are not a health issue. LGBT kids do not necessarily need medical care. None of these comparisons are in the least helpful.

Combatting homophobia does require empathy. But I had hoped to see rather more of that on this thread. I'm out.

Speaking as a straight ally who was also accused on this thread of being heterophopic (there's a first time for everything, I suppose), I second uglyswan's last post. I'm also out.

You are determined to misinterpret what people are saying. I didn't 'assume LGBT are rubbish at communicating ' I am saying that a particular identity shouldn't be the critical factor in choosing someone for a role - do move may have plenty if personal experience but be unable to handle communicating it.

But if you see yourself as an ally, then it would be so very helpful if you could invest some thought into what LGBT youth actually need.

The nature of the support the charity in question is providing is a totally different debate though.

The charity have identified the tasks they wish their volunteers to fulfil and clearly, in the case of the OPs friend, that dos not include being a role model for LGBT youths. She meets the requirements of the role profile/job description that has been created by the charity.

Whether or not you think the service that the charity provides is meeting the needs of LGBT youth is a totally separate issue.

I would hope the charity know what they are doing and are experienced in this area.

It wouldn't be the first time they have sent people into schools.

I think yabu. I'm sure it would be better if she was a lesbian as she'd have that personal experience, but I'm assuming she hasn't got the job over someone more suitable. I'm assuming the charity have hired her as the best person available. Say it was a choice between her or nobody doing the job, surely it's better to have her.

I don't like 'cis' as a label either.