When my ds was in school it used to really frustrate me that I would try and talk to his teachers about what worked at home and what just aggravated the situation, and I was dismissed. We have our own way of dealing with things. We have to do this instead of doing that. I would tell them to not try and hold him when he was in a state because it made things worse, instead just ignore him. Did they listen? No, because they were told this was the way to go.
Every week I would get a call asking me to come and collect him. Every week I would go, and be told he had done x,y or z. Usually because of something that triggered him, and they had done x which of course made things a lot worse. Every week I would tell them again the triggers to be fobbed off. I even put everything in writing.
Then of course the mentions of they couldn't cope. But if they listened they would have gotten ideas. Just they couldn't cope, yet when finally he was being assessed they denied anything was a problem.
I now work in a school. Have done for several years. I make a point of talking to parents. I actively encourage it because I believe it's a partnership and we need to work together. They have things that work at home, and they tell me. I find new things that work in school and I let them know. I do home visits for new starters, I go visit the previous school when it's a transfer. Parents have my email. I even have parents of pupils I am not involved with approach me in school because others have told them I will listen. SLT know all of this. They when I need support I request it. At times when I haven't coped I have asked for help. And you know what yes I will get someone come to observe, but I work with that because until someone else sees what's going on, how do they know? I actively encourage SLT to come and see for themselves.
I am not on a support plan, I have never been on a support plan or anything else. I have the respect and the backing of the school because they see I try my damn hardest to make things work. In the past when they have said I need to make things work, I have asked them for suggestions. I have told them to come and see for themselves.
Unfortunately not everyone in the school is like this. They complain the parents are over involved. They complain that when they go and mention things aren't going too good, it means someone wants to observe. They complain because they don't want the lesson to be observed, so no extra support is given. They complain because other are given more help than them, and won't accept its because they have worked with others to get this. I really don't like working with these teachers. I am there to help and I am stonewalled when I ask what strategies have been used.