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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is it just because it's my pfb?

113 replies

UncertainTea · 23/04/2015 15:30

Messaged DH at 11 to say DS was unwell. He read it at 1215. I know he has had meetings all day but they were supposed to finish early and he said if they did he was going to go to the gym on the way home. I've checked to see where he is now and he is at the gym.

AIBU to be pissed off he hasn't called /messaged to find out how DS is?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 23/04/2015 15:33

Yes I would be pissed off.
A quick call to ask how he is and how you are would be standard!
Also if you need him to get anything on the way home etc.....
How old is DS?

starfishmummy · 23/04/2015 15:34

A little bit u. In my experience (with dh, df, db, bil etc) he probably assumes that you will contact him if it becomes urgent.

widdle · 23/04/2015 15:36

That would annoy me - not the fact that he hadn't read the text but the fact that he hadn't been in touch and then went to the gym.

shewept · 23/04/2015 15:36

Sorry I think YABU, a little bit.

Unless your child is very very ill and you needed him to come home straight away, in which case you would have told him that, I wouldn't expect him to change plans.

VelvetRose · 23/04/2015 15:37

Yes, very annoying. It would only take him a minute.

IntrinsicFieldSubtractor · 23/04/2015 15:37

I'd probably send a quick 'what's wrong' text, but if you were texting me rather than calling I'd assume it wasn't an emergency. Maybe it wasn't convenient to reply when he saw it, then it slipped his mind later? Unless it was obviously going to inconvenience you (messing up plans etc) I wouldn't be too annoyed.

(Disclaimer: don't have kids)

Hakluyt · 23/04/2015 15:37

Well, if you're able to be home to look,after him, he's not seriously ill and you know your dp's tied up all day, I'm not sure why you messaged him.

But seeing that you did, I would certainly expect a message or a call.

VelvetRose · 23/04/2015 15:37

I mean his behaviour is annoying not yours!

Original poster
UncertainTea · 23/04/2015 15:39

I know he has read it though (it tells me he read it at 1213). It's more that he is now in the gym that's annoying me. I can't contact him for the next two hours, his phone will be locked in his bag. Wouldn't annoy me if he was still at work!

OP posts:
bunnyhipsdontlie · 23/04/2015 15:43

What do you want him to do? Rush back home so you can both stare at PFB because he is unwell? It was a bit needy to text him and check all day if he he read the message/where he is.

Are you gonna be like that for every cold/tooth/bug?

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2015 15:44

Seeing as though he read it, he should have replied and asked how your DS is.

Having said that, unless my child was very ill and I needed to go home, I wouldn't appreciate my DH sending me a text like that while I was working.

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 23/04/2015 15:46

Nope, can't get worked up about that one, how old is your child? Are they seriously ill? Surely if it was serious you'd ring the gym to put a call out if needs be? Think Yabu a bit to be honest.

sonjadog · 23/04/2015 15:46

Is it so serious that both parents need to be in attendence? Maybe your DH doesn't realise that. What did you write in the text?

Sirzy · 23/04/2015 15:47

It depends on the level on unwell IMO

Number3cometome · 23/04/2015 15:48

Nope, wouldn't bother me in the slightest, surely he knows if it is urgent you will message him?

Original poster
UncertainTea · 23/04/2015 15:49

I messaged him because he gets angry with me if he comes home and finds the DC are ill, so it was to give him time to get used to the idea! Although to be fair he hasn't complained vocally since DS started school. Also so that he knows in advance because then he won't go too close to the DC when he gets home.

I am being unreasonable then! It would not occur to me to not answer I suppose. Although that is totally theoretical as I've been a sahm for the past 5 years.

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 23/04/2015 15:49

If I texted DH on a day when i knew he was really busy, I wouldn't expect a reply until much later. I wouldn't actually tell him at all until he got home if it wasn't serious, to be honest.

I wouldn't be at all annoyed unless I was expecting him to become involved in some way.

Number3cometome · 23/04/2015 15:50

Just saw your comment about him being in the gym - not sure what difference it makes? Is PFB likely to deteriorate during this time? or is it more because you feel like you have been left with responsibility of looking after said child?

Can't see what difference it makes him being in the gym as you have already said if he was at work you wouldn't mind?

Moln · 23/04/2015 15:51

Few questions before I decided if YABU or not.

How Ill is DS?
Have you messaged him in the past in a similar vein when DS wasn't particularly ill?
You say he read at 12.15 and that you know know he's at the gym. surely this means he was in contact, or you called/messaged him and he messaged back/ spoke to you? I ask as I'm not sure how else you know (well unless it was an email receipt) Did he not enquire after DS then?

shewept · 23/04/2015 15:51

Sorry even with the update i think yabu. If you wanted him to come home, you should have said 'i need you at home'

How old is the child and how ill?

Quite honestly, I wouldn't miss the gym because my dc are unwell and dh was at home. Unless they were really unwell or they were at school or my mums etc.

TheMagnificientFour · 23/04/2015 15:51

I would have expected DH to reply at some point with a 'what's wrong? Do you want me to come back home?' So yes maybe not in the middle of a meeting but certainly before going to the gym.

Of course, you migt not need him at home with you but he might be able to help by picking up some more calpol, a food that your dc might be happier to eat a nice box of chocolate for you.

sonjadog · 23/04/2015 15:51

Why dones he get angry with you if he comes home and finds his kids are sick?

SewingAndCakes · 23/04/2015 15:52

Why does he get angry with you if ds ill. Seems a strange reaction? Hope Ds is better soon.

TheMagnificientFour · 23/04/2015 15:52

BTW I wold expect a similar response if I had texted him I was ill.
As an adult, I'm pretty sure I can look after myself but showing some sort of care goes a long way.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 23/04/2015 15:53

Woah. Cross post with you OP.

He gets angry with you? He won't get close to them if they're poorly?

Bit of a drip feed there, but anyway. He is BU for that kind of behaviour - he's their dad, not a bloody party guest.

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