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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is it just because it's my pfb?

113 replies

UncertainTea · 23/04/2015 15:30

Messaged DH at 11 to say DS was unwell. He read it at 1215. I know he has had meetings all day but they were supposed to finish early and he said if they did he was going to go to the gym on the way home. I've checked to see where he is now and he is at the gym.

AIBU to be pissed off he hasn't called /messaged to find out how DS is?

OP posts:
googoodolly · 23/04/2015 15:54

Why do you have to warn him that his children are sick? Confused

Letting him know because he's their dad is one thing, but warning him so he can get used to the idea?! Really?

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 23/04/2015 15:54

Hang on. He avoids the dc if they are illConfused

TheMagnificientFour · 23/04/2015 15:55

sorry miss your update.

He doesn't want to come to close to the dcs?!? wft?

And he is getting angry at YOU if you don't tell him?

Sorry you don't have an issue with him not replying text or whatever.
You have an issue with a man who thinks that rasing children has nothing to do with him and only thinks about himself and his own wellbeing.
And that is a much bigger problem imo.

PomeralLights · 23/04/2015 15:56

Id be annoyed, but me and DH do text a lot. I would expect a 'oh no, hope he's ok and not too grumpy. Anything I should pick up on way home?'
That is pretty much what DH sends whenever dd is ill. Nice to have some acknowledgement that he cares, I would be pissed off if his attitude was more 'whatever, I'm out of the house so it's not relevant to me atm'.

Number3cometome · 23/04/2015 15:56

Why can't he go near them if they are ill and why does he need to get 'used' to it? random.

justonemoretime2p · 23/04/2015 15:57

Yabu

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/04/2015 15:58

he gets angry with me if he comes home and finds the DC are ill Big red flag. So the text was for his benefit, because he is controlling. But he won't do you the courtesy of replying or seeing if you need anything. Yes, HIBU,

Moln · 23/04/2015 15:58

Ok few cross posts there!

He gets angry?

PurpleSwift · 23/04/2015 15:58

I don't think yabu. Roles reversed I wouldn't consider still going to the gym and would have gone home to help out. Looking after a poorly child can get tiring quickly!

Original poster
UncertainTea · 23/04/2015 16:01

Angry because I've taken them somewhere that they have picked something up from and that it is for my sake that I have taken them there (playgroup, swimming class, park) not for theirs. Now that DS is at compulsory school, he just gets annoyed, unless he thinks he can pin it down to me taking them to visit friends.

I know he read it moln because my messaging program tells me when the message was delivered and it tells me that it has been read. We have not been in contact today. I checked to see where he was so I could see when he is likely to be home to plan food for tonight. If he was still in the meeting, he would be home late.

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 23/04/2015 16:03

I'd respond to that (DH is a sahp) and then come straight home because whilst yes, there is a parent at home, looking after even a slightly poorly child all day is wearing.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 23/04/2015 16:04

Getting cross at you because kids pick up bugs is abusive. Do you realise that? The issue is not whether he went to the gym. It really isn't. What sort of arse gets annoyed their child picked up germs at school?

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 23/04/2015 16:04

Angry because I've taken them somewhere that they have picked something up from and that it is for my sake that I have taken them there (playgroup, swimming class, park) not for theirs.

Yes, kids thrive on social isolation and being kept in their house until they're 4. They don't find school a horrendous adjustment or get terribly bored at all. Hmm

Is your DH reluctant to socialise with other people himself?

Moreisnnogedag · 23/04/2015 16:05

Hang on, WTAF?? He blames you for them getting sick?

Honestly I very rarely say this, but what are you getting from this relationship? I imagine if he's that much of a dick in this area, he is lots of other areas too. Maybe a plan is in order?

Number3cometome · 23/04/2015 16:06

WTF? I thought you were being unreasonable about him not texting back, but he sounds like a prize cock. Seriously? kids pick up bugs from anywhere, possibly even him, so how are you supposed to prevent that?

He sounds like a wanker OP.

Moln · 23/04/2015 16:06

Just read your update properly. I think I can confidently say YANBU.

You messaged him because he expects (demands?) you do, but ignored it? Evidently he wants to know for his own sake (gone to the gym to avoid I imagine).

So you message him and he ignores you, and then avoids you.

Strange man.

Hakluyt · 23/04/2015 16:09

"Angry because I've taken them somewhere that they have picked something up from and that it is for my sake that I have taken them there (playgroup, swimming class, park) not for theirs. Now that DS is at compulsory school, he just gets annoyed, unless he thinks he can pin it down to me taking them to visit friends."

Woah!!!!!! Now that's what you should be talking about....Sad

BoyScout · 23/04/2015 16:10

Angry because I've taken them somewhere that they have picked something up from and that it is for my sake that I have taken them there (playgroup, swimming class, park) not for theirs. Now that DS is at compulsory school, he just gets annoyed, unless he thinks he can pin it down to me taking them to visit friends.

WTF?

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 23/04/2015 16:10

Just a few queries:

Are you a SAHM?
Do you have access to your family's finances without having to ask your H?
Who does most of the housework?
Does he come from any culture which prefers women and children to stay home?

PatriciaHolm · 23/04/2015 16:10

Umm OP, you know that his attitude isn't the least bit normal, right?

Kids get sick. They just do. They have to, to a certain extent, to build up their tolerances and immunities to some bugs. He's being very very controlling and nasty to insinuate it is in any way your fault.

He sounds quite narcissistic; is he obsessed with being healthy, fit etc? He also sounds quite unpleasant.

FriendlyLadybird · 23/04/2015 16:19

Angry because I've taken them somewhere that they have picked something up from and that it is for my sake that I have taken them there (playgroup, swimming class, park) not for theirs. Now that DS is at compulsory school, he just gets annoyed, unless he thinks he can pin it down to me taking them to visit friends.

Have to echo the others -- Whaaaat?

HazleNutt · 23/04/2015 16:20

Sounds to me like you have a lot bigger problems than him ignoring the text. Is he generally a cock or just with kids bugs?

Moln · 23/04/2015 16:21

Hold on it's getting worse isn't it?

So be gets angry they are sick (and reading between the lines that is because he might get ill not because they are ill) AND you need to know when he's coming in for food. Is there an issue if it's not ready for his arrival?

shewept · 23/04/2015 16:25

I am totally confused by this situation.

He gets angry because the kids are ill. Well he is being very unreasonable.

Is there more to this though OP. When you said you knew what time he read it, I assumed you messaged him on whats app which give that information.

But now you know exactly where he is, without speaking to him? I assume you tracked his phone.

Why?

Is this something that can be done easily? or do you have an app that does this? its never entered my head to track DH.

I suspect that this incident isn't what getting you down and there is more to this.

PrincessUnicorn · 23/04/2015 16:28

Wouldn't bother me personally, as long as dc wasn't really ill I wouldn't expect a response.

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