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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is it just because it's my pfb?

113 replies

UncertainTea · 23/04/2015 15:30

Messaged DH at 11 to say DS was unwell. He read it at 1215. I know he has had meetings all day but they were supposed to finish early and he said if they did he was going to go to the gym on the way home. I've checked to see where he is now and he is at the gym.

AIBU to be pissed off he hasn't called /messaged to find out how DS is?

OP posts:
Idontseeanydragons · 23/04/2015 16:29

I started the thread thinking you were maybe being a little PFB but it's now worrying that you seem to be quite matter of fact about getting the blame for your child getting normal childhood ilnesses.
This is your issue - quite frankly if my DH acted like that when our DC's were poorly I wouldn't want him home anyway.
(Fwiw, DD2 has D&V today, he has phoned to check up on her but is home late tonight for various reasons. He'll still go up and tuck her in when he gets home.)

HeffaLumpers · 23/04/2015 16:30

YANBu. Repost in relationships, you have much bigger problems then him ignoring a text message. His attitude towards dc getting sick and blaming you for taking then out is abusive. Please get some help.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 23/04/2015 16:31

Surely the 2nd drip feed about him being angry is just because the OP was told they were BU. So it's not normal, but it just seems unbelievable.

Stalking your partner to find out "where they are" is odd, and they were exactly where they told you they'd be if the meetings finished early, is odd, sending messages in expectation of response is just passive aggressive crap. Kids get sick, if my OH told me "PFB was unwell", I'd just carry on the planned day, if they told me "PFB is unwell and I need some help here", then I'd almost certainly cancel the gym.

Number3cometome · 23/04/2015 16:35

Hang on OP, you stalked him via a tracking on his phone (find my iphone or something?)

That's a bit odd.

SewingAndCakes · 23/04/2015 16:35

I check "find friends" app to see where DH is sometimes; if he's driving home I know when he'll get back. It's not odd, dh is fully aware of this.

If I texted dh to let him know that one of the kids is ill then he'd reply at a convenient time asking how they are and at least show some concern/interest.

Hurr1cane · 23/04/2015 16:37

Oh, I don't know. DP (not DSs dad) very very rarely replies to my texts if he's working, but if I say DS is unwell he responds instantly.

Then again, DS has a LOT of medical issues so it can go from 0 to serious in 5 minutes.

Number3cometome · 23/04/2015 16:37

No, I'm sorry but tracking your partner (unless they are missing) is not normal. Just ask them where they are!

Idontseeanydragons · 23/04/2015 16:39

Number3 the OP gets the blame for their child being ill, that's not particularly normal either!

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 23/04/2015 16:39

I have various friends who track each other (and partners) using phone apps. They're all quite open about it, it's so they know when to order food etc.

Hurr1cane · 23/04/2015 16:40

Right... Just RTFT

That's not ok you know. The way he's acting.

Seriously. It is not ok.

Number3cometome · 23/04/2015 16:40

Idontseeanydragons

Yes I know, I called him a wanker for that up the page ^

Idontseeanydragons · 23/04/2015 16:41

Missed that one, sorry Number3 Blush
He is indeed a wanker.

Hurr1cane · 23/04/2015 16:41

And if you don't want to be tracked it's very easy to turn location services off. If you're open about it then it's no problem.

shewept · 23/04/2015 16:41

idont I agree. There seems to be odd behaviour on both ends.

But then I am always a little skeptical when people drip feed after being told that they are bu. I need more info form the OP.

Number3cometome · 23/04/2015 16:41

PlumpingThePartTimeMother

Nope sorry, don't get it. Just have a conversation, don't track someone!

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/04/2015 16:41

OP, do you think everything is OK in your relationship? Do you walk on eggshells, worry about what your DP will think, say or how he will react? Because it's all sounding a little worrying. Please update (or start a thread in Relationships for advice).

Moln · 23/04/2015 16:42

I asked the OP how she knew were DH was, but she didn't say, though she did say she hadn't been in contact so it does look like some tracking thing

OP did say though that she needed to know where he was to plan dinner. I presumed this was so it was ready at the correct time.

All a bit wrong and unhealthy.

shewept · 23/04/2015 16:43

Jesus Christ. I need to find out if you can track my phone so easy. That really bothers me that someone could track me so easily. My mum (not dh) would be all over that. I do not want her to know where I am 24/7.

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 23/04/2015 16:48

It's useful if one party is driving or has an unpredictable schedule, Number3cometome. It works for my friends.

TheIronGnome · 23/04/2015 16:50

Wow. I was coming here to say YWBU but it's quite clearly him who's the problem... His behaviour is totally unreasonable and irrational. It's how I expect my dad nightmare behaved when I was small and he had many problems.

Moln · 23/04/2015 16:50

Doesn't there need to be something on the phone of the person being tracked? Or is it possibly to track any phone?

Hakluyt · 23/04/2015 16:50

Nobody can track you unless you agree.

SewingAndCakes · 23/04/2015 16:51

shewept dh and I both had to install the app on our phones, and invite/accept each other to enable it to work.

Number3cometome · 23/04/2015 16:59

Anyone can track you if they know your iTunes password

shewept · 23/04/2015 17:00

Thank god for that!

Although, I am pretty sure it would be difficult for someone to to it on my behalf. I leave my phone all over the place. Meh sure mum won't be surprised I spend 2 hours in a sex shop supermarket Grin