Or is it just because it's my pfb?

[UncertainTea]

Messaged DH at 11 to say DS was unwell. He read it at 1215. I know he has had meetings all day but they were supposed to finish early and he said if they did he was going to go to the gym on the way home. I've checked to see where he is now and he is at the gym.

AIBU to be pissed off he hasn't called /messaged to find out how DS is?

Why aren't you sleeping in your own room? That's nuts!!

Why on earth are you on a mattress outside his door? Go to bed in the comfort of your own room! If your DS is school age then he's certainly old enough to get up in the night and find you or call out if he feels poorly.

Just been to check on him. He was lying awake, unsettled and flinching every now and again. Still high temp, so I've given him calpol and he's back asleep. Poor thing :(

Out in the living room because DH would go nuts if he heard my alarm go off, easier for me to hear him without him waking DD.

DH would go nuts if he heard my alarm go off DO you think your DH is controlling? Because he sounds it.

But why are you setting an alarm for a school aged child who you have just given calpol to and is now asleep?

No one sleeps on a mattress outside a school aged child's bedroom door becasue they have to set an alarm to check on them and their dh will be cross if you wake them up. Unless the dh is cross because of the bonkers completely unnecessary alarm setting... which to be fair I would be.

I started thinking you were being pfb, then thought dh was a bit unreasonable with the bugs thing, now I think he may well just be cross when they are ill because it turns you into some sort of psychotic nursemaid with hourly alarms. Does he think your reaction to the kids being unwell is over the top? Do you suffer from anxiety at all? Does your DS have any additional needs which mean he requires particular attention?

Ignoring for a moment the shocking situation that your relationship would appear to be OP, has DS' temp gone down now? And where are you measuring his temperature? If not rectally, is the thermometer calibrated to add on an appropriate figure to give an accurate reading? 39.6 is very high, and if that's the measurement somewhere other than rectally and without anything added on to compensate for accuracy, it's a bit worrying. I'd be making sure he was dosed up on paracetamol (/Calpol) at every possible interval within an appropriate dose for as long as his temp was creeping up that high.

He doesn't bother sending a quick text saying "sorry ds is poorly, I'm off to the gym is that ok" but reads your text, doesn't respond and heads to the gym for 2 hours (2 hours!!)

He blames you if your children get ill (because you are bringing them out of the house?? unnecessary activities?)

He doesn't go near his children if they are ill in case he catches it.

He would go nuts if he heard your alarm go off

I just want to say to you that most women - myself included - would consider this selfish and unacceptable behaviour on the part of your husband. You can decide for yourself how you want to live but this isn't a reasonable supportive partnership imo.

DS is awake. He came out because he was all wet. His fever has broken (got very upset when I said that and says he is not broken!) and is watching a film with DH on the sofa.

I took his temperature with the ear thermometer. Is it really not normal to check on your child who is ill through the night? How would you know if their temperature was still climbing?

My pfb DD is ill tonight. We are both in the spare room bed. Although we started off in our own beds/cot. I do this so dh gets more rest and its easier for me to comfort DD and feed her As she still has night feeds. DH has been in to check on us once since midnight and is now downstairs making me a cup of tea having woken up half hour early for work so he can help.

You may not believe us but your DH is an arse.

If the temperature hasn't stabilised and it's very close to 40 then yes I'd be checking, probably in time for next calpol dose not every second in between! The second it stabilised I'd be sleeping though :)

Sadly this is not an unusual wake up time for him. DH stayed a while and watched part of a film with him. its like what liquid says. I was always the one to go to them in the night because I was bf, DH had work so needs his sleep and I am a sahm, If they wake in the night they want me because that is what they are used to and it's easier for me to settle them.

Hope she's feeling a bit better this morning liquid

Uncertain and Liquid how are your dcs today?

Yep I would be checking a 4yo who has a temperature which isn't going down (As they are getting older, I would rely on them coming to tell me they aren't feeling well).

I've never put an alarm, let alone sleep outside my own bed, because it has always been clear that a child who is ill is always take the priority therefore both me and DH would get up (even if not together,we would take turns and have always done so). Even when I was a SAHM and he was working. Until reading MN, I really thought it was a normal thing to do and that no dad would want to be in the side lines when their child is ill or crying during the night! I mean he is still a parent as much as I am and therefore just as worried or involved in his (health)care??

Hmm, well while everything else may be explicable, more or less, you haven't acknowledged that your DH getting angry with you when your DC get ill and, seeing normal, healthy social activity, for you and DC, as unnecessary and trying to suppress it, is batshit crazy, controlling and nasty. Not normal or excusable in the slightest.