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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give this woman any further lifts to work?

66 replies

officermendez · 21/04/2015 14:50

I work in a town approximately 20 minutes from where I live. Recently one of my colleagues has moved to my town, and so now has to commute to work. She doesn't drive so her husband takes her to work, but when she first moved she asked if I would mind giving her the occasional lift to or from work. I said I didn't mind occasionally but didn't want to get into any regular arrangements.

On Sunday night she contacted me and said that her husband was working from home on Monday and would I mind giving her a lift to work. I agreed and she suggested that I met her in the car park of a pub near her house as I wasn't sure where her house was. Again I said that I would.

So yesterday morning I drove to pick her up, which actually means going out of my way by several miles. Got to agreed meeting place 5 minutes early, no sign of colleague. Waited and waited. After 10 minutes I called her, and she said she was just about to leave her house but assured me she would be 2 minutes. She was another 20 minutes! I phoned her twice during that time and she said she was literally 2 seconds away, but she clearly wasn't! And she didn't apologise when she did arrive, nor thank me for waiting!

We were then obviously late for work, and I had to stay late to make up the time I'd been in late as my manager is a stickler for this. I started the day feeling very stressed and wasn't able to prepare my work properly for the day due to the lateness.

Last night said colleague then had the cheek to ask me for a lift again today and I said no, as I didn't want to be late again. Presumably her husband brought her in but she has done nothing but moan all day to others about how unfair and mean I'm being, and that I'm "going her way anyway".

I'm standing firm though! AIBU?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 21/04/2015 14:54

Yanbu

She made you late, no more lifts

Ignore her

The80sweregreat · 21/04/2015 14:54

Your not being unreasonable!

MonstrousRatbag · 21/04/2015 14:57

If she had given you regular updates, apologised profusely and explained why she was late then I might say that you were being a bit harsh. As it is, I think an outright refusal is the only sensible option. She sounds like someone who will mess you around no end. She ought to have made her way to your house for the lift anyway.

BowiesJumper · 21/04/2015 14:59

No you're being entirely reasonable. Just say to her - sorry, you're slightly out of my way, and last time you were half an hour late which made me late. Leave it at that!

Coco0123 · 21/04/2015 14:59

Not unreasonable at all! I hope she explained to your boss the reason you were late ??

Charlesroi · 21/04/2015 15:00

No, you are not being mean, the woman clearly has no manners. Did she offer a couple of quid towards the petrol? Thought not.

I'd ignore the moaning, as I'm pretty sure your colleagues know what she's like. Should anyone challenge you about it and you don't feel like you can tell them to fuck off and mind their own business just say it's a long way off the route you usually take and isn't really convenient. Especially when the person is 20 minutes late for the pick up.

NorahDentressangle · 21/04/2015 15:00

Never give in. It would be even harder to say no if she messes you around a second time.

Griphook · 21/04/2015 15:00

No not unreasonable, but yanbu to let her bad mouth you. Tell her why you no longer able to give her a lift. And correct her when she moans

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/04/2015 15:01

On initial reading of your post I was about to say. What's the problem with it being an regular arrangement. If you're both going to the same place.
However reading further no way are you b.u.
She's taking liberties. Inches and miles come to mind. You can't hAvd people making you late

SoonToBeMrsB · 21/04/2015 15:02

Oh god, I can't get sucked into another liftzilla saga! Grin

She sounds selfish and childish, OP, stand your ground!

Joolsy · 21/04/2015 15:02

YANBU. Stick to your guns, people like that have no manners & piss me off no end.

AuntyMag10 · 21/04/2015 15:04

Yanbu, she has a cheek being so rude and expecting you to give her a lift again. When you hear her moaning about you, confront her
About it.

OatcakeCravings · 21/04/2015 15:09

Do not give her a lift - find and read the other thread!!

shewept · 21/04/2015 15:14

Yanbu and I totally understand not wanting to make it a regular thing. I was the same when I worked in an office. Once it becomes 'the done thing' its pita. Especially if they behave like she did.

Next time you hear her moaning just loudly point out that you might have give her a lift if she had had the decency to apologise for being over 20 minutes late, when you had already out yourself out for her. But since she is being a dick about its a no.

I am confused why you need to give her a lift if her dh is working from home anyway? It might mean he has to go out of his way, but tough.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/04/2015 15:30

I do like a cheeky bitch thread Grin

PeeNoMore · 21/04/2015 15:33

YANBU. If she's thick enough to be so late when you're doing her a favour and then doesn't even apologise, she's a chancer!

Nip it in the bud now - there was a similar thread on her last year and it just kept on giving!

Homemadeapplepie · 21/04/2015 15:38

Of course you're not BU and she is a cheeky cow for bad-mouthing you round the office. What does she hope to gain from that? That you'll suddenly say "oh sorry my bad let me drive several miles to pick you up and take your time don't worry if I'm late for work"??

ShootTheMoon · 21/04/2015 15:39

YANBU at all! If she hadn't been so rude I would have recommended telling her in future that she can have a lift if she is outside your front door by 8am (or whatever time you habitually leave), but I would definitely keep out of it in future!

Bicarb · 21/04/2015 15:39

I'd possibly give her another go, but give her a time she has to be there for you to pick her and if she's not there on time then leave.

But no, YANBU.

FluffyTheEvilOne · 21/04/2015 15:40

She's an entitled bitch who has no idea of the effects on others of her actions. I would definitely point out to anyone who might be taken in by her whinging of the truth of the situation, and her lack of manners. Loudly. Grin

SuperFlyHigh · 21/04/2015 15:40

She (and anyone else) is lucky really that you do give lifts to work. It's not your problem that they can't drive/live miles away and can't arrange public transport or other lifts.

all this occasional lifts thing and then acting stroppy when you can't/won't dance to her tune is appalling in my opinion and taking the piss.

My mum used to kindly give a lift to an extremely overweight teacher colleague of hers but she was so big she was interfering with the suspension of the car, she also broke chairs when she sat down. It wasn't really medical the weight gain as the teacher told her but was greed and due to overeating due to loneliness. The woman sadly didn't want to diet/get gastric bands etc... as my mum was a 2nd option (when the woman didn't get cabs) it wasn't an issue much but it certainly made the saloon car's suspension move!

Aeroflotgirl · 21/04/2015 15:44

Yanbu at all. You turned up at the designated spot she wasent there so you should have left. Tbh you should have earlier once if became apparent it was going to be more than 2 mins. She sounds rude and entitled, I woukd tell her that she was late, it meant yiu were late to work and you had to make up tgat time and it USA few miles out your way. That is why you will not be giving her a lift anymore. This is what makes it so bad for us non car drivers.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 21/04/2015 15:44

tell her if shes at your house when you leave, you'll take her in

BitOutOfPractice · 21/04/2015 15:45

YANBU t all - jeez she sounds like a nightmare!

emotionsecho · 21/04/2015 15:48

You are not being unreasonable at all to not give this colleague any further lifts - she had her chance and blew it.

However, you should talk to her about her subsequent behaviour and correct what she is saying to your colleagues.