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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to give this woman any further lifts to work?

66 replies

officermendez · 21/04/2015 14:50

I work in a town approximately 20 minutes from where I live. Recently one of my colleagues has moved to my town, and so now has to commute to work. She doesn't drive so her husband takes her to work, but when she first moved she asked if I would mind giving her the occasional lift to or from work. I said I didn't mind occasionally but didn't want to get into any regular arrangements.

On Sunday night she contacted me and said that her husband was working from home on Monday and would I mind giving her a lift to work. I agreed and she suggested that I met her in the car park of a pub near her house as I wasn't sure where her house was. Again I said that I would.

So yesterday morning I drove to pick her up, which actually means going out of my way by several miles. Got to agreed meeting place 5 minutes early, no sign of colleague. Waited and waited. After 10 minutes I called her, and she said she was just about to leave her house but assured me she would be 2 minutes. She was another 20 minutes! I phoned her twice during that time and she said she was literally 2 seconds away, but she clearly wasn't! And she didn't apologise when she did arrive, nor thank me for waiting!

We were then obviously late for work, and I had to stay late to make up the time I'd been in late as my manager is a stickler for this. I started the day feeling very stressed and wasn't able to prepare my work properly for the day due to the lateness.

Last night said colleague then had the cheek to ask me for a lift again today and I said no, as I didn't want to be late again. Presumably her husband brought her in but she has done nothing but moan all day to others about how unfair and mean I'm being, and that I'm "going her way anyway".

I'm standing firm though! AIBU?

OP posts:

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 21/04/2015 19:06

Has she given a reason as to why she was late?

maliaki · 21/04/2015 20:38

YANBU Next time she says how unfair it is answer: 'You know what's really out of order? Going out of your way to help someone out only to have them mess you around and make you half an hour late from work without even an apology!'

toffeeboffin · 21/04/2015 22:41

She messed up the first time you gave her a lift? No more lifts, simple as!

BadLad · 21/04/2015 23:28

On initial reading of your post I was about to say. What's the problem with it being an regular arrangement. If you're both going to the same place.

Because them a lift comes to be expected, rather than appreciated, and if you can't do it for any reason, it is made out that you are being awful by the entitled lift getter.

RedSoloCup · 21/04/2015 23:34

YANBU, I had this with neighbour that worked with me. Firstly assuming as I drove already it was fine for me to drive every time rather than sharing then always being late and making me late.

I said no more in the end so we both drive ourselves to work!

whois · 21/04/2015 23:54

I used to operate a policy whereby I would give lifts if you arrived at my house by 7.15 (or whenever) but I would leave without you if you were late. This was on the premise that it is better to get a taxi a short distance to my house than have to get 3 trains and a bus or whatever.

If people genuinely did live on the way I'd pick up but they had to be outside ready and waiting.

I also had a no talking policy - commute time was radio time not making small talk with colleagues time.

whois · 21/04/2015 23:54

But I was generally considered a bit mean about lifts ;-)

diplodocusocious · 22/04/2015 07:52

Nooooo!stick to your guns! I had the exact same thing with a colleague who used to make me late and it really pissed me off

pictish · 22/04/2015 07:58

Yanbu - incredibly rude of her to hold you up like that...even ruder to complain that you're mean because you don't want to repeat the experience.
Stand firm.

HellKitty · 22/04/2015 08:07

Yay! A liftzilla!

Yanbu.

pictish · 22/04/2015 08:11

She might be one of those people who is always late for everything and sees nothing wrong with it. These people genuinely don't think there's anything awry about keeping people waiting for them as they are so preoccupied with themselves and their own schedule. If others dare to complain they're being nippy and uptight and jeeeez what's the problem?

These people can fuck the fuck right off imo. I had a friend who was like that and I was often left open mouthed at her selfishness. I have absolutely no tolerance for that sort carry on these days - your colleague would be getting a short shrift from me.

Appalling manners. She's blown it and tough shit.

CadleCrap · 22/04/2015 10:07

You could tell her you will give her a lift if she can be at your house by 8am. You leave at 8.01, if she's not there, no lift. But there again, why should you be kind to someone who bad mouths you.

Ratfinkandbobo · 22/04/2015 12:25

Yanbu, cheeky fecker, tell everyone at work her time keeping is shit!

Skiptonlass · 22/04/2015 13:47

I was asked (commanded, basically) to give a lift to the nephew of a company bigwig while he worked with us on an internship. There was no chance of saying no (I'd have been fired.)

The little fucker was an appalling car mate.

I had to call him multiple times, sitting in the carpark outside his gaff, and literally rouse him from his sleep. He'd then turn up, twenty minutes late and proceed to ramble on about how all women fancied him and his latest conquests. He was an odious little turd.

He was a tall chap, and I had a tiny car, so every night I wound the passenger seat up a bit, clicked it forward one notch and jammed it in place. I put the ac on "Siberian."

He never seemed to click, even when he was crammed in double, with his laptop under his chin, he was still yammering away about how wonderful and rich he was. He was American an utterly immune to sarcasm, so I was able to basically take the piss out of him, to his face,motor being such a turd. It was hilarious.

Not rich enough to ever give me any of the petrol money he'd agreed on though. He's probably vp by now...

listsandbudgets · 22/04/2015 15:44

YANBU. I don't drive and occassionally get offered lifts (which I don't always accept) but its very rare I actually ask for them. When I have lifts I bust a gut to be on time and not make people wait or I have a very good reason. I was 5 minutes late out the door about 3 months ago when a friend came to pick me and DS up because DS chose a miinute before she was due to do an explosive nappy and had to be changed top to toe. I couldn't stop apologising for making her wait.

Being on time is just basic courtesy surely? If you're not on time you should apologise and preferably have a veyr good reason.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 23/04/2015 10:34

i'd tell her "i leave at X time, and if you want a lift be at my car then - i'll pick you up/drop you at my house"

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