Co-sleeping. Why?

[goodnessgraciousgouda]

Just to stress first off that this is not a thread to start a bun fight between people who do and don't co-sleep. It's not intended as a spiteful judgement of people who DO co-sleep.

It's just to try and understand why some people do it, as it's something that I literally cannot fathom.

I can understand co-sleeping for the first six months, as is recommended to prevent SID. I can understand people going a bit longer than that just to be on the safe side.

But why do some people co-sleep for YEARS on end? Is it when the child is a really bad sleeper generally? Or when there are underlying medical conditions?

Co-sleeping for long periods of time has always struck me as something which would completely override the relationship between the two parents. Which is why I'd be interested to know people's actual reasons for doing it (I'm not saying I'm right, it's just how I've always seen it).

I have tried looking at websites, but they have been so....unbearable. Almost like satire websites. I was hoping some people here might be able to explain it in less "hemp and kale" sort of terms.

Meh. Dd2 (2.5) co sleeps from about midnight until morning. Who cares? Dd1 knows she can anytime she likes but doesn't. She's 5.5. They both do exactly the same at exh house. I wouldn't discourage it they are little and need their mum when they need their mum. Dp co sleeps with his dd. (7 and he is resident parent) when she needs it. When he told me it just mirrored how I parent my dc

Co sleeping is the norm worldwide, not the exception.

soot- I think having teenagers puts more restraints on a sex life.
Far more than co sleeping. Teenagers will stay up at least as long as adults, so no evening sofa activity- they are also much more aware of noises and squeaks and what they mean.

It's easy to snuggle into bed at 7 pm with a 2 year old, wait until well alseep, then have sex elsewhere in the house.
Then spend the rest of the night in the family bed.

I am not the type that appreciates being woken up at 3am for a session anyway, so sleeping with children was never a problem.

I co slept with dd3 until she didn't want to -3.5. She still comes to my bed sometimes and I let her in.
at the most regular point if co sleeping she was 3 and having brain scans. She wanted me - why would I say no? She's so precious and won't want me when she's older so why not allow cuddles and comfort now?

We Co slept because it felt like the most natural thing and because we wanted some sleep. Our eldest is almost 16, youngest is four and still in our bed... We have five kids, you get inventive re sex life!

I look back at co-sleeping as one of my most memorable and loving times with my children.

I wouldn't have missed the experience for the world.

I used to think like you OP but then my ex left and my world went wonky. I realised that a lot of my thoughts about children were too rigid plus once my PND and PTSD started to mellow, my thoughts about things changed.

My DS always slept in his own room from the minute he came home from hospital (more ex idea than mine and was actually quite damaging to my mood) but he started to come into my bed when my ex left. It was lovely and reassuring for us both and helped me bond with him, something I'd massively struggled with.

Having DS come in with his various teddies, torch and bottle of water telling me to move at 2am, 4am or whenever is kinda cute. When DS then says "i love you mummy, I was missing you' gives me a cuddle and a kiss and then starts snoring its worth getting woken up for.

I've realised that actually it is more abnormal to not co-sleep whether thats from the start, intentionally putting them to sleep in your bed or just letting them wander in. However, it all depends on what works for your family.

Yes, full, but we would never ever have sex then regardless of children. Even if we had 10 hrs sleep the night before, we are too tired by then. We also both hate having sex after we've eaten (never understood people who go out and have a romantic meal and wine then go home for a shag, I'd throw up if I did that) and to some extent neither of us like spontaneity - even before kids we arranged what time and when we'd do it

Our relationship is not remotely dependent on sex to keep it going and I'd feel quite sad if just because we hadn't had sex 'regularly' we stopped being close/affectionate. Dh was single for about 8 years before we met - he's a sex camel!

Oh and also we have a baby that doesn't sleep in those hours - I was just using the toddler as an example to a previous posters point about the time they sleep/opportunity to shag.

Yes Hakluyt 4 of them why do you ask?

But co-sleeping needn't be a barrier to sex.

Ummmm of course it isn't. that's exactly my point. That other factors are and co-sleeping in no way affects sex for us.

I would love to co sleep but I'm on super drowsy making Seroquel, its too dangerous. As a result can also do no night childcare so me and husband care in shifts. It's rubbish. All being in the same bed would be a beautiful thing I think. We got him a snuzpod which he doesn't like and since nobody sleeps when he does we never use anyway.

So you did get my point after all fulltothebrim. The seven or eight hours DH and I get in bed is our only time together alone as a couple. If we co-slept we would have no time together at all.

But if the choice was co-sleep or sex, we'd choose co-sleep.

Hell, if the choice is just plain sleep or sex, we'd both choose sleep

Sex is totally down the list of priorities while the children are small.

we co slept for a very long time. In fact, in the end we turned a whole bedroom into a safe sleeping area and we all slept on the floor (well, not on the floor but mattress covering the floor. Couldn't be in beds because our eldest would chuck himself onto the floor. They were at school by the time we stopped.

In our case it was because they both have autism and it was the safest solution. They were getting up in the night, we were always up at every tiny noise, there was massive night time disruption and the exhaustion had me and my husband on our knees.

It was absolutely the right thing to do and we were able to cope as a result of it. Sex was irrelevant anyway.

Currently have both DC snuggled up with me, one either side and both olympic snoreing! Dh working overseas at the mo, whenever he has to work away from home, they both come into my bed, when Dh is at home DC sleep in their own beds ( although they come into our bed for morning cuddles!) so OP why do can you not fathom it, do you have children OP? Or are your thoughts more hypothetical?

If co-sleeping was as blissful for us as it seems to be for some I would probably choose that too MrsKoala but as I end up lying wide awake, too hot, with a foot in my face, wondering if DH will punch the toddler in his sleep (he has a weird sleep disorder thing) I'd choose sex and a morning snuggle with the kids everytime.

I didn't plan on co-sleeping and had always thought it was something I wouldn't do.
However, after being up pretty much all night trying to resettle DS and then having to work the next day I decided that it was probably just easier to have him in bed with us.
DS would start in his own cot and then I would bring him into our bed when he woke. It lasted for about a year and a half and now he doesn't come in.

Crickey so would I Notso. Altho ds1 sleeps with both feet down the back of my pants and one hand twiddling my hair and ds2 is in my arms and randomly punches me in the face and boobs and dh snores like a warthog. But I still love it. :)

We co slept with DS1 back in the day when it wasn't even called co sleeping. It wasn't done for ideological reasons but purely to get a good night's sleep. We would have done the same with DS2 but he loved his own cot so much there was no need to. DS1 is now 23 and shows no ill effects.

We co-slept with both of ours. I even had my children in bed with me when I was in hospital after their birth (much to the disgust of some of the nursing staff).
Why did we do-sleep? I'm not sure really, we just did. It actually never occurred to us to have them in a separate room. When I think about it, it actually seems odd to me to have your children in their own room when they are only a few weeks/months old.
I found that we were both very aware of our daughters even though we were asleep. I found I woke just before they did which meant that when they were younger I could start to feed them before they even woke up properly and when they were older I could settle them back down so their sleep was less interrupted. I think though at the end of the day we co-slept because we all enjoyed it
My eldest stopped co-sleeping when she was about 4 & my youngest when she was about 6. My ex & I separated when our youngest was 7 & she started co-sleeping again due to what I think was emotional security reasons. A year later though and she has moved back to her own bedroom.
In my opinion there is absolutely nothing nicer than all snuggling up after a long tiring day.
Oh & sexy can happen anywhere, anytime not just in bed when it's dark outside!

Oh forgot to say that having a king sized bed helps. I don't think I could co-sleep in a standard double.

at snores like a warthog MrsK DS2 informs me I moo like a cow when I'm asleep.
He is right too because I often wake myself up doing it

Did the punching start at the same time as the mooing by any chance?