to feel really, really awkward at toddler groups?

[luxywoop13]

I live in an area that is basically really middle class, I'm not. That's fine everyone isn't posh or anything but pretty much most mum's are older mum's, also fine obviously but they don't seem to want to talk to me? I went to one for the first time in ages recently and I'd say they were mostly all 40ish and no one under 30 and pretty well off and I just felt like a massive chav (I'm not) got.a few judges looks probably just cause I was new but I had ds at 21 not 12! That's a pretty normal age in most places but whenever I go I feel really awkward and different. I'm super shy as it is likely, but I always end up feeling bad about myself, one woman.was trying to teach her baby how to draw triangles or something and.I was just trying to stop my 1 year old.from breaking everything. Everyone was speaking in really over the top voices.to their kids I didn't even know.people did that, it's literally like they are all sort of perfect parent material or something

If it's any help, I always felt fairly awkward at toddler groups as well, although outwardly I ticked all the boxes - 30's, Boden wearing, right address etc. etc.

I'm more of a one to one person and I found it really hard to strike up conversations with others whilst simultaneously trying to look after DS- an early bolter). Plus everyone else had the knack of remembering not only mine, but DS's name which I never mastered so looked unfriendly.

You've got a few options. You could stop going - believe me your DC will not be harmed by lack of early socialization at M&Ts !. You could find a different group more suited to your nature, or it might be better to focus on child activities, I found that the conversations struck up there were a bit more natural than the forced M&T ones. Or try for a few sessions really focusing on the other people there. Don't judge or worry about what they think of you, offer to do the tea rota if they have one, make conversation - saying how well their DC is doing at X thing always goes down well. If it's still not your cup of tea then move on.

One of the groups I went to organised a spin off group of 'young mums' I. E. Under 35!

So they definitely exist. Way to make me feel old though

What? I have the same accent as them because I've always lived here? Everyone has the same accent here that's kind of irrelevant to being middle class or not I never said anyone sounded posh other people said that. I'm not saying they've done anything wrong? Obviously I'm going to feel awkward when everyone is 20+ years older, have more to talk about and very loudly and obviously like everyone to know just how great parents they are when I can't even get my kid to stop breaking things or eating his clothes or whatever.

I seriously doubt that all the mums are 20 plus years older than you!
Although I do know what you mean, there is that kind of competitive parenting rife at this kind of group.

They were that is what I mean they literally were and I was surprised. All I can assume as to why they were so much older is that it was a morning playgroup so probably have older kids at school so do the school run then go straight to playgroup, so had first kids early 30s and now are 40ish with toddlers, that's pretty normal isn't it? I mean my mum had my sister at 40 and all her playgroup mates were the same age.

hang in there - I know exactly what you mean!
I went again and again to mums and toddlers and only ever met one person who I could relate to. The thing is, everyone has kids, doesnt mean we have anything in common and then we are thrown together.
I found the creche at local adult ed institute to be amazing if less directly social.

I think you may have a chip on your shoulder. I appreciate that you felt uncomfortable and I would advise that you just don't go to that group again, but you mention class a lot and it's not necessary. I had my first at a later stage and I am the sort of mother that would try to get my kids of draw triangles and learn as they go at those sorts of groups, but I wouldn't look down on you for being younger or not doing any of that. Unless someone said something to you, you jumped to a conclusion and it's probably to do with some sort of inverted snobbery or a chip on your shoulder.

I think these type of groups are often really, really difficult to get into- especially if you think everyone is different to you. I am sure no one is judging you.

I go to two or three different groups fairly regularly and feel as though I don't particularly fit in with any of them! I tried quite a few and these are now the ones I fit in the best with, but I still feel rather out of it. But my son likes these groups, they're always pretty welcoming and on bad days I just grit my teeth and watch him enjoying himself.

I find that if you have been going a few times there are usually a few people you can chat to one on one (even if it's about utter rubbish) which makes it easier. I do find them really draining though! I'm much happier now it's nicer weather and we can spend more time in the park instead.

I'm a forty something mum. I'm not like all the other forty something mums. Why should I have more in common with one of them than an individual thirty something or twenty something mum?

I'm not going to talk about when starburst were opal fruits if you sit down next to me, or buying wham records. I'm going to talk about finger foods and sleepless nights and what was on TV yesterday and starting back at work next month. Small talk. The only thing you have in common is having a baby at that time. BUT. You do have that in common with everyone there. That's the same for all mums there so it's easy to break the ice!

You do get cliques, but not everyone at any group will be cliquey.

And don't be mean about the triangle mum. Maybe she's not a natural! Maybe she's embarrassed and shy and can't think of what else to do with the crayons!