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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your best comeback for being wolf-whistled at is?

197 replies

legolegolego · 19/04/2015 20:42

I've recently realised that I walk past groups of rowdy men very sheepishly if they have started doing the whole wolf-whistle thing as I approach.

I'm not attractive so I imagine they are doing out of sarcasm but I've got to the point where I want to be able to walk down the street without worrying that someone is going to comment or whistle. Sometimes I have the children with me and they still do it?!

I want to be one of those strong women who challenges this kind of behaviour - give me some comebacks!

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 19/04/2015 20:45

I do not think that it is worth 'challenging' just ignore

ahbollocks · 19/04/2015 20:47

I once span round and marched straight up to the offending builder and kissed him full on on the mouth. Blush
Hope the sisterhood accepts my apologies but in my defence I was 19 and a hottie

Obviously terribly unhelpful abd probably traumatising for your children

FenellaFellorick · 19/04/2015 20:49

The part of me that fantasises about tackling these idiots would love to say stop, turn round with the kids, stand in front of them and say would you like to repeat that to my children? Or to say How would you like to watch your mother abused like you've just abused me...

But the sad fact is they won't care anyway. Nothing you say would make them reflect on their behaviour. And what if they then turn on you with horrible verbal abuse? Would you be prepared for that?

It would be lovely to think there was some sentence that would silence them and leave them red faced and sheepish, but the reality is that anything you say would likely just result in them hurling more crap at you.

I would suggest that if they are identifiable (eg work logo or anything) then a complaint to the company. If they are repeat offenders always found in the same place, ask the community police thingie to go and have a word. Other than that, it really is best to ignore them. Mostly they'll just yell at you but there have been cases where women have challenged them and been thumped. It's not worth it.

wafflingworrier · 19/04/2015 20:49

just stare at one of them in the eyes really aggressively saying "f off" in your head over and over again. pick one, not all of them. they will always blink first and look away, because they know they are being idiots.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 19/04/2015 20:51

Ignore it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 19/04/2015 20:53

I had one guy shout over to me. "You look cold there love. I'll warm you up. To which I replied. (Laughing)Don't nake promises you can't keep.
I took it in good form. It's only a laugh isn't it. You need a VGSOH to survive in this world.

Lavenderice · 19/04/2015 20:54

I just say 'thank you'

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2015 20:54

Look them straight in the eye and then continue walking.

There's no such thing as a 'come back' in this situation, because engaging with them is exactly what they want, so why give it to them?

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/04/2015 20:54

A look that could strip paint off walls usually makes them uncomfortable.

I'm good at those. My husband has commented many a time that my vast array of "I am not amused" style facial expressions has long been a source of amusement and occasionally trepidation for him.

Kleptronic · 19/04/2015 20:55

What cases, Fenella? Do you have a link to reports on those cases where women have been assaulted for challenging abusive builders, please? I would like to know if there was a judicial outcome, thanks.

monkeysox · 19/04/2015 20:55

Used to pick my nose or scratch my arse. I'm such a lady.

Original poster
legolegolego · 19/04/2015 20:59

That's true, I don't want to give them attention for it... I almost just see them as school bullies, and I didn't know how to deal with them back then either!

There are some repeat offenders at the end of my street, they are doing building work on a huge house renovation and have been there for at least 2 months already. I have to walk past them every day and they always stop their conversation as I approach and then nudge each other and whistle or make comments after I've walked past. I am so intimidated by them to the point where I am paranoid they are putting tools across the path on purpose so I have to engage with them to get the pram past (I know, I'm ridiculous)

OP posts:
RickOShay · 19/04/2015 21:04

Lego, you are not ridiculous in any way, you are just living your life and they are upsetting you. Is there any chance you or somebody else could say something about how you feel to the repeat offenders?

GlitzAndGigglesx · 19/04/2015 21:08

I remember walking to school age 15 (non uniform school so in normal clothes) and one builder was hosing dust off the road and as I passed him he said "I'll make you wet properly later" and my disgusted self told him to fuck off because I'm 15. I still had to pass him daily and he would still wink each time. He got the reaction he wanted which made him carry on. Seriously don't bother with them

avocadotoast · 19/04/2015 21:12

My friend always challenges it and gets a gobful of abuse in return. I am never so brave.

One night we were walking from a bar to get a taxi home, we must have been about 19, and some older men behind us started yelling and whistling at us. I said to my friend "who the fuck do they think they are? They could have daughters our age". She span round and shouted at them what I'd said pretty much word for word and they started chasing us and calling us sluts and whatever else. We had to run too. So since then, I don't say anything, although I wish I could.

avocadotoast · 19/04/2015 21:14

Oh god and I've just remembered, on my old street there was a house before mine where this awful guy lived. Him and his mates just used to sit outside smoking and drinking every day. Every single time I walked past I'd get comments, and I did rise to it and tell them to fuck off a couple of times, but it did only make it worse. Because of the layout of the street I had to walk past there, it was awful. Eventually they got evicted, I was so relieved.

londonrach · 19/04/2015 21:17

A smile if in a very open and populated location. After all they saying you look good which f you had a bad hair day came be amazing. If its dark, late, you on your own, You are deaf... I mean deaf. Not worth getting into conversation....

ElizabethHoover · 19/04/2015 21:18

span around?

CookPassBabtrigde · 19/04/2015 21:23

I ignore it whenever it happens, but my friend has a quite amusing tactic as she gets a lot of comments in the street off blokes - she just says:
"What?" repeatedly, or "I can't hear you! Speak up!"
If they then ignore her "excuse me, what were you saying? I couldn't hear you!"
They tend to get pretty embarrassed especially if they do repeat it, the more they repeat the comment the more ridiculous it sounds. It's pretty funny

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 19/04/2015 21:25

When a teenager with a scornful glance.

In 20/30s wouldn't have noticed as too busy.

40s makes me look around to see shop they are whistling at.

Now 50. Smile, chat back, what the hell. Still hot. All good.

Tiptops · 19/04/2015 21:28

When I was 18 I had a similar situation to you OP. Had to walk past a house with builders daily and would feel anxiety building up whenever I got near to the house in anticipation of what they would say that day. I was shy and too embarrassed to tell anyone how it made me feel.

I don't think it would be an overreaction to report to the police. It is harassment. Would maybe even knock on the door when the builders aren't there - I bet most home owners wouldn't be happy to know their builders were harassing people in the street.

upaladderagain · 19/04/2015 21:30

It's difficult, because reacting can lead to further insults, and ignoring it is almost like tacit approval. I used to find, back in the day, that a "wanker" sign behind my back as I walked away gave me a little satisfaction.

PlummyBrummy · 19/04/2015 21:31

My specially patented Twat Gun would work perfectly in such situations. It would fire indelible green paint at the offenders who would be examined at the end of the day. 3-5 splats would mean instant removal to a correctional facility where they would be taught how to treat people properly.

SunnyBaudelaire · 19/04/2015 21:33

uptheladder, once I ignored and got called ' SLAG'!

slightlyeggstained · 19/04/2015 21:34

If it's a big site, or local authority works, always phone and complain. I did so once, and guy at council was livid, they have conditions for their subcontractors that include decent behaviour and they're prepared to get rid for behaviour such as described in this thread.

Although it sounds like the company in question might be a small firm OP, it's absolutely not on for you to feel intimidated walking down your own street. Not sure what you can do, but YANBU.

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