To ask what your best comeback for being wolf-whistled at is?

[legolegolego]

I've recently realised that I walk past groups of rowdy men very sheepishly if they have started doing the whole wolf-whistle thing as I approach.

I'm not attractive so I imagine they are doing out of sarcasm but I've got to the point where I want to be able to walk down the street without worrying that someone is going to comment or whistle. Sometimes I have the children with me and they still do it?!

I want to be one of those strong women who challenges this kind of behaviour - give me some comebacks!

JustAScreenName You're definitely overthinking this one.

Threads like this really fucking depress me.

It's sexual harassment and it's not fucking ok. Those of you saying 'it's only banter', 'it's only a laugh', I found it very unamusing at the of 13 to have this shit aimed at me on my way to school each day. People writing it off as 'banter' are the ones who make these pricks think it's ok to talk to women and young girls in this way.

And it's not meant as flattery, stop kidding yourselves, it's meant to intimidate/insult/upset women, which is why if you don't respond/say something back you are likely to catch a mouthful of abuse.

Decent men do not verbally harass women on the street/out of car windows.Wankers do. Think about that next time some sleazy fucker compliments your 'great tits'

There was a whole Twitter campaign where women agreed with the whistlers/shouters, and they almost 100% then got abuse because they had dared to say , "yep, you're right, my tits are great." So it is completely and utterly nothing to do with a man thinking the woman looks good, because if she repeated his exact same comments back and agrees with her, he then starts yelling angry insults.

It may be low key, but it's an insult and a out down by someone who thinks they have greater power than you. As such it's a form of aggression.

I tend to look at them with an exaggerated 'huh' look on my face and say 'really?? Has that ever worked and actually got you laid?!' Another personal favourite that I love is...(in Shakespearean tone-with the back of my hand pressed to my forehead, swooning) is 'be-still my beating heart! Where have you been all my life?! I finally found the man of my dreams!' Followed closely by a change in tone with an 'MORON!' This one is especially effective, if the guy is a minger!
That usually makes them look a c*nt infront of their mates...
Good luck

It's sad that people have had to develop an armoury of responses to these guys, even though they think it's a great laugh.

Ask for the foreman the next time you pass and tell him that if it happens again or you find their tools obstructing the pavement, you'll be escalating the matter.

Having read the thread now, I want to emphasise the idea of the foreman/gaffer as your first port of call. I work in construction and he's the one that has a day in/day out relationship with the lads, and is in a position to get things changed/continually rag at them until it's sorted. The bosses/company might have a toolbox talk or not re hire repeat offenders but it often takes days/weeks for things to trickle down, and they often don't have the same level of respect from the workers that the gaffer who knows the tricks and is doing the day to day supervisor has. When you ask for the foreman, use the same tone of voice as with a naughty child

That's a good tip Cycle, thanks. So is the foreman always working on site?
It wouldn't surprise me if these guys have already been complained about, I've seen them having discussions with people when they've scratched a car carrying wood to the house etc.
I feel slightly sorry for the people who are going to move in and have to live with the reputation that house now has!

Personally I would do a mix of the above.

The next time the tossers say anything, be honest with them and say "I get that you might be bored, but harrassing women as they pass by is not okay. If it happens again you had better believe that I'll be lodging a complaint with both the foreman AND with the contractor". Obviously that's if you feel comfortable doing so.

If it happens again, follow up on what you said. And then do it every single time it happens.

I seriously can't believe anyone would have such piteously low self esteem that they would consider this sort of behaviour "flattery" or "banter".

If it was genuine banter, the builders would be doing it equally to both men and women walking past.

Strangely, they never seem to bother with the men.

I used to have builders cat calling me when I was 13. THIRTEEN. They were - quite literally - old enough to be my father. It was absolutely horrible.

Actually one of the good things about living abroad is that I have to concentrate to understand what people are saying. So, as a consequence, even if someone was cat calling me I could blank them to absolute perfection as it wouldn't even to occur to me that they were speaking to me. It's quite liberating!

I used to ask people if their comments were supposed to make me find them attractive. Cue uncomfortable silence whilst their brains ticked over...
Works in nightclubs if you get touched up too (that and grabbing their hand and holding it in the air whilst shouting 'and who's grubby little hand is this?')

How do you find the foreman/gaffer if they're high up on scaffolding on a fenced-off site and you've never seen them before?

Goodness, that's what I mean. I would love to be one of those brave people who could say something like that.

As an aside, is it against some sort of rule to put things on the pavement? Might they have got permission from the council to do so? There's no signs on the pavement as you approach to warn of building work blocking the pavement, and no re direction as there normally is. I would feel brave enough to challenge this (if it's against a rule) because that's less likely to involve me being insulted! At least to my face

My 15 year old DD was wolf whistled a month or so ago - in her school uniform ! She was bit upset when she got home as they had also shouted a few very inappropriate suggestions at her. I was beyond mad ! So called the police. A very lovely lady came round and she and I went to meet the builders. She explained who I was and how upset my DD was. And as she was obviously underage did they not feel like paedophiles ! To say she shamed them over the next 10 minutes is an understatement. Next day they send DD a bunch of flowers and a very crawling apology (via the police). They were all dads of DDs themselves, but hadn't thought it through at all. She still has to walk past them sometimes, but she now smiles at them and feels like she's 'in control' now. Men can be very stupid.

DD is only 11, but by the age of 10 she had told me she didn't ever want to go out by herself to go places, as she'd heard that men could be rude like that! How awful is that? a 10 year old thinking they will never leave the house alone.

Anyway. one of my favorite charities
It can help people who don't feel able to tackle street harassment themselves just to get it out there.

I wouldn't want/be able to go on site to find a foreman, but I guess you can stick a letter to the gates/entry is you go past often.

Glad to know that the police can deal with this properly, and having it dealt with can make person feel much more confident. The best bit is that the men seem to have thought about it and talked about it afterwards, if they bothered to get some flowers. It sounds like the message sank in.

btw - I teach 13 year olds. One of them has just written a short story about how crappy it is that stuff like this can be seen as a compliment when it isn't. so - a 13 year old gets that street calling isn't flattery, why can't some adults?

To find the foreman, I'm afraid you have to shout up at them/as the most approachable one.

So I walked past today, and they had bricks on the pavement and the truck reversed back so far, the back was overhanging the pavement too. They saw me coming with pram, frantically chucked the bricks into the front garden of the house and asked if I needed the truck moved. Then made no comments at all apart from 'no problem' when I said thanks - what has happened! Maybe they're on this thread...

I managed a reasonable come back a little while ago.

I was on my bike and two youngish lads came past in a mini van and beeped and wolf whistled as they came past. They then got stuck in traffic, which I passed on a cycle lane. They came past again and again hung out of the car and shouted "nice arse".

A little further up the road I caught them again at a light and stopped next to them. I said "how would you feel if a van full of blokes shouted at you that you had a nice arse". They both looked genuinely shocked, and lost for words for a while, until one came out with the old trope of "it's a compliment". I managed to say "not everyone likes it, it's intimidating " before the lights changed and we had to move off.

Who knows if it will actually make them think, but they were certainly surprised by my reaction.

That was my best response. Most of the time I don't usually manage more than a rude hand gesture.

With roofers, I have heard of someone lying their ladder down on the ground. Obviously when all of them were on the roof at the time and unlikely to go past that route regularly.

I'm speechless about this thread. I had no idea that a mere wolf whistle was so offensive. Genuinely. Can't remember the last time it happened to me, but it used to happen often when I was younger (dammit!). I just can't find anything to be offended about, unless I tried to come back with a witty retort that failed.

I did once get a bit arsey with someone in a pub who was trying to compliment me in an offensive way and he really caused a fuss about it and got quite nasty (more about him than me!). But it was just a mere moment in the rich tapestry of life, and I don't dwell on it (albeit I've never forgotten that it can turn nasty quite easily and I'm now more aware, but he reacted directly to my response, which was pretty harsh).

All wolf whistles are now welcome in my world! Not every wolf whistle is questionable and personally, it doesn't particularly offend me. But I'm quite confident about myself and if it did offend, I'd give no more than 3 seconds thought to it.

If someone offends (and yes, they have - several times), I just ignore them and forget about it. Why would I do anything else? I don't get why it's such a big deal? Sure as hell HE'S not losing sleep over it, so why should I?

Have you actually read all the responses on this thread? Are you aware that there will be rape victims, victims of child abuse, victims of sexual assault, victims of domestic violence on the receiving end of these 'harmless' wolf whistles? How do you think they feel about unwanted sexual harassment?

What about when you're with your kids? I've had that twice. Once the bloke got very nasty because I ignored him. Shouted abuse after me. My youngest was 5. Why is that ok?

Schoolgirls being beeped in cars or shouted at out of car windows? Is that ok?

As has already been pointed out, it's not a compliment, it's not meant to be flattering and men who behave like this are not trying to make you feel good about yourself - they are mysoginistic arseholes.

This video on YouTube illustrates the problem perfectly. Average woman, casually dressed.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A

Yes. I've been subjected to DV and I've also been subjected to stalking; neither of which I asked for. I don't ask for wolf whitles, but they really don't shake my world. If I don't/didn't (doesn't happen since my hair turned a different shade of blonde!) respond, I get/got no further comment. If I did? I was the receiver of whatever shit they decided to throw out as 'witty'. But the men on the street wolf-whistling don't offend me. They're not all some kind of offender - more that they are a bit stupid and clearly don't read the DM.

They are more to be pitied and I cannot find it in myself to rise to any kind of neanderthal bait, so it really doesn't bother me. If I stopped to talk to them, I'd probably find a real person behind the idiot and someone who has absolutely no idea that he's being offensive!

I don't see myself as a victim. I had a choice and I stayed to allow the shit to continue for 5 years too long. I had a choice; we always have a choice. We can stay and live with the hell that is DV and we can also walk away from, quite frankly, harmless, wolf whistles and ignore. Are we so intolerant these days? I KNOW that there are real cases of abuse and they are more often hidden. But the perpetrators are not always obvious (more likely closer to home than the wolf whistlers). They (wolfies) really are just a bit behind the times, unfortunately.

I'm speechless about your post, tin
It might not offend you but can you not see how some women may find this offensive? intimidating? Sexist? Uncomfortable?
Some of the stories here are fucking awful. Children in school uniform getting wolf whistled by grown men, women getting verbal abuse for ignoring the men, getting touched up in nightclubs, several posters here have commented that their children/pupils as young as 10 are aware that men behave this way towards women, and women out and about with their kids get sexually harassed. Can you really not see anything wrong with this?
whisk couldn't agree more.

And by the way, I don't lay awake every night fretting about it or raging for a full day after it happens, but when it does happen, I feel hugely uncomfortable and intimidated, and I know that they're only doing it because I'm a woman. They get a kick out of commenting or whistling at a woman they don't know and watching her squirm. It's pathetic.
Why should I have to shut up and put up when they could just not do it? There's no reason why they need to do it. It doesn't cheer me up, and it's not their job or purpose to cheer me up.
I have a little boy and i hope I can raise him to be respectful and considerate to women and not behave in a degrading way like this.

No. I honestly think that we have a choice whether we are offended or not and we need to educate our children to understand that people will not always behave the way we expect. We need to build their confidence to a level in which they are enabled and comfortable to handle a situation depending on the immediate circumstances. There will always be extreme and unexpected circumstances and notwithstanding that, I think teaching future generations to turn the other cheek and ignore wouldn't go amiss.

What happened to instinct and dealing with things according to how comfortable/uncomfortable they are and learning/being taught how to deal with those situations accordingly? Have we wrapped everyone in cotton wool for so long that every single offensive thing has become "my personal hell'???!!