Sorry for the essay, don't want to drip feed.
One of DH's friends is getting married next August. The wedding is in Italy (the bride is Italian) and, judging by the itinerary included in the invitation, is set to be a week long affair with the wedding itself on a Friday. DH has also had a couple of emails from the best man about the stag do which is a bit more low key, a weekend (2 nights) in a major city in the UK, pubs, meal out, go karting, staying in Travelodge or similar.
DH and I discussed it and came to the conclusion that for me, him and DD (2) to go to the wedding in Italy would be too much of a costly affair. With travel, accommodation and spending money plus time off work (DH is self employed so if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid) it all adds up. We talked about DH going alone to cut down the cost but he wasnt keen. He says it would still be expensive, he would still need to take time off and he wouldn't enjoy it without us. We both agree the money could be better spent elsewhere at the moment as we have recently moved into a house that needs quite a bit of work.
So DH sent his friend a nice email saying he was really sorry but we wouldn't be able to make it to Italy (and explained the reasons of work, money, new house etc) but that he was able to attend the stag do and we would also love to take the bride and groom out for a special meal to celebrate when they're back in the UK. His friend replied with a very long, ranting email saying that it was "hurtful" that we weren't going to come to his wedding when he had "made the effort" to attend ours. I understand him being upset that we aren't going but did think it was a daft comparison as our wedding was a 30minute drive from his house. The bit that really surprised me though was that he went on and on about how it was "extremely rude and disrespectful" of DH to think he could RSVP no to the wedding and still want to go to the stag. He actually said he was "in shock" over it.
Is there some etiquette around this that we were unaware of? I had a couple of girls at my hen do who weren't able to make it to the wedding (work commitments) and DH had a mate at his stag do who couldn't make it (his sister was getting married the same day) and we weren't offended in the slightest. Is that strange of us? I would have thought if your friends couldn't make it to the big day you would still be pleased to have the chance to celebrate with them on the stag/hen?
So, mn jury, who is being unreasonable?
DH really hates falling out with anyone and wants to send another apology email to smooth things over but I don't really feel he has anything to apologise for (having already said sorry we can't make it to the wedding) and that his friend is being a bit "groomzilla"! Am prepared to be told IABU though.