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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to phone the police?

137 replies

itsallawry · 18/04/2015 14:03

My dsis phone at about 8:30am from a payphone crying and asking for money. I said yes she can borrow some and she said she would come to my house for it straight away. She hasn't turn up Sad I've tried phoning her kids mobile phones but they are all switched off and her landline has been smashed up.
I'm worried her partner has done something to her ( I have another thread about her abusive partner on here). When she phoned she was crying talking about killing herself and told me he had been violent again these past few days including this morning.

WIBU to phone the police to check on her? Would they do that? I don't want to waste police time.

OP posts:
Psipsina · 20/04/2015 12:03

OP - this may be the moment to tell her that if she doesn't leave him, the children might well be taken away from her as she is failing to protect them.

It's awful I know but she really does need to step up. WA is a good idea if she is willing to call them.

Dieu · 20/04/2015 12:18

I find it deeply worrying that the kids are colluding with their father, presumably to deflect his 'attentions' from themselves. Something needs to be done before they end up seriously fucked up individuals. You've already said that you don't trust them with your child.
A horrible situation for everyone involved, OP.

Andrewofgg · 20/04/2015 12:36

PaulaJane37 Moorov is a Scotish case - not applicable here if the OP's sister is in England. He probably will get bail - I'm not saying that's right, only that that is how it is - and if he's charged with common assault (which is what the CPS usually charge because the defendant cannot opt for trial by jury which costs more - the most he can get is six months of which he will serve three.

And if she does not give evidence it is almost impossible to make a case. Even if she makes a statement and then does not show up at court - which happens again, and again, and again - her statement can only be read if the court is satisfied that she is in fear - and you cannot say She must be in fear, that's why she is not here because the argument is circular.

I repeat, I'm not saying that that is good, I'm just pointing out the limits of the criminal process, which does not have all the answers.

MissDuke · 20/04/2015 12:47

It does sound like the children would be better off in care. You really need to push this with social services op. Keep ringing them!

Original poster
itsallawry · 20/04/2015 13:41

I doubt he would get put in prison. Whenever the police do catch him he pretends to be mentally ill and they take him to the psychiatric unit and then he is released (apparently he has schizophrenia- though only when it suites him)
It turns out my sister approached social services herself the last time( which gives me hope) asking for help but she said they don't do much other than asking her to attend meeting at 2:45pm knowing she had to pick up the children. The organisation that was supposed to fit special locks on the doors, windows and fit a panic alarm was refused permission from her housing association to do so.
She does try her best in the circumstances, she has 9 kids, 1 of whom has autism and ADHD and she has multiple health issues herself. She is severely depressed, if she lost her kids there would be nothing for her to live for.

OP posts:
PaulaJane37 · 20/04/2015 14:00

Andrewofgg, thanks yes I'm aware the Moorov Doctrine is Scottish case law but as far as I'm aware the OP has not stated where they are. What I was merely trying to do is to reassure the OP that measures can be put in place for her sisters protection. When I spoke of bail, I meant released on bail with special conditions attached that he doesn't contact, attempt to contact or approach the sister, if he does this it's straight to jail for breach of bail. In Scotland one witness is enough for a suspect to be detained for interview, The Lord advocates guidelines now basically mean that they go to court the next lawful day and usually there is only one witness. Even if released on a Undertaking to appear the police can attach conditions to them similar to the bail conditions that would be imposed by a court of law. I'm not saying that the criminal route is the answer, I'm saying (and I take your point if she's not in Scotland) that there are elements of protection that can be given until any subsequent trial where you would hope the sister is given the support and is better placed to attend and give evidence. I've over 20 years as a cop and deal with things like this on a weekly if not daily basis.

Original poster
itsallawry · 20/04/2015 14:46

Thanks for letting me know that PaulaJane37 but we are in England, I should have mentioned earlier, sorry.

OP posts:
PaulaJane37 · 20/04/2015 15:03

Don't apologise OP, I just hope there is light at the tunnel for your sister and family and for you

PaulaJane37 · 20/04/2015 15:08

Andrewofgg, just a little point in case, the OP mentions attempt to suffocate and numerous beatings, no CPS (or PF) would take that anywhere but solemn procedure, you could be talking att. Murder here. Don't think common assault charge fits anywhere close in this case and even if there is no Moorov to apply your talking years of systematic abuse, not a one off clip round the lug

Andrewofgg · 20/04/2015 16:06

Paula I sit in mags' courts in England and I see cases brought as common assault which should have been ABH or GBH. It's sad but it's true. And I know why and I have said why. Money.

WhywouldIdothat · 20/04/2015 21:07

She is severely depressed, if she lost her kids there would be nothing for her to live for.

This will sound really harsh but you cannot let your fear of your Sis killing herself lead you to take less action on behalf of her kids.

I agree it would probably be touch and go for her if her kids were taken into care.

But as it is, the children are at real risk of harm or worse and so is she, so please please do all you can to protect the kids by keep telling social services.

SailorTwift · 20/04/2015 22:43

Please think of the children for 2 reasons;

  1. They will grow up thinking that is how a relationship works - That dv is normal. The girls will expect it in a relationship and may be abusive towards male partners. The boys will think that's how they should treat women and all the children will think aggression is normal within a relationship.
  2. They will lose all respect for their mother, if "he" hasn't influenced th already. When they are old enough to realise, or if they do eventually realise that dv in any form isn't normal, they will wonder why ther mother didn't take them away from it or do something to make it stop.

She must take action now. If or when he does kill her they will all end up separated in different foster homes. Please get her to wake up and pull herself and her kids out of this. It will be extremely hard but she must escape this beast of a man.

I have been brought up in a household and witnessed dv weekly. My mother being beaten, kicked, punched, strangled til she almost passed out. Verbally abused, and emotionally abused.

I was an only child and wished someone would do something to help me. I never told a soul as I was so embarrassed. I was ashamed and jealous of other children as I thought all their homes were idyllic. (Thisay be why they are cruel to your child)
I'm very lucky, my f left when I was 10 and it all stopped. I'm 40 now and still get nervous if I hear anyone shouting or getting aggressive.

I wish her all the luck in the world, please convince her to leave. Show her this thread and all the support she has.

In the meantime I hope her partner gets a fast spreading terminal cancer or gets killed by a drunk driver. But it's never these type of people that these things happen to.

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