To get so angry about the no compromise attitude of my kids headmistress

[twinsplus1sfb]

Arghhhhh - need to vent.
Situation - I have 3 kids (2 in Yr2, 1 in yr 4). They have never been abroad experienced an aeroplane different culture etc etc.
Their grandad has booked an expensive family holiday abroad, unfortunately he got mixed up with the dates and booked it for the week before half term.
I put a holiday form in and got a phone call from the school - apparently that is SATs week for my twins.
We have looked into changing the dates - no can do.
So - and here's where I get angry - I went to the head and told her the situation and asked her if there was any way we could work together around this, could the kids stay late after school one day or come in at the weekend before the SATS or come in in the half term after SATS.
I just got a flat NO to every option I suggested - she said it would affect their grades, and their whole school career. I asked if there was anything I could do - and she said "Cancel the holiday, oh and there will be a fine"
I understand that taking them out is not acceptable - but come on school - can we not compromise??? Help a little??? I dont even mind paying the fine, I'm just so upset that she cant even work with me on them taking their SATS on a different day or different time - is it really that strict? Would all of the headmistresses out there say that?
My kids have 100% attendance, they have never missed any school for holiday reasons ever before - its so peed off - and its going to ruin my holiday. Any advice? Any body had nice experiences with their heads? Is there anything I can do so that my kids can take their SATS?

My FIL did die.

My OH had to attend his funeral as he was the most important male next of kin. (I didn't allow my sons to attend the cremation as it was an open topped casket - too much room for nightmares). They went to the wake (family lunch so many, 10?, days after him dying) and met family members.
The flights were more expensive in the Easter Holidays than in school time as I have previously mentioned it was Sri Lankan new year.
Hey ho........

Yes I know there are government guidelines . But I thought heads had some flexibility? It's obviously changed since mine left school -they certainly did then . Once children are at secondary/exam level I'd never book two weeks outside the prescribed dates, but one day -and the last day of term, at that ... (I think it was because it was the only flight I could get locally. It was all very lastminute)
At primary level I think its rather different, though I probably wouldnt go for a fortnight . .. My DD1, then 8, kept a diary which she showed her class teacher (but not to the class!). She'd never been abroad before (indeed at the time we could not afford holidays at all) and was thrilled . It was a generous gesture from a very dear friend and she and I and our (three-the other two were not school age) children had a lovely time. It was lovely that the school didn't make me feel guilty.

Once again, you can take your children out of school; you just can't have it authorised for a holiday. It's just silly to act as if your liberty as a parent is being infringed.

winemeup

The fines are not per day! They are per week. I dont know where this 'per day' scaremongering comes from. The gov website plus every Google search site, local council site will tell you it's £60 per child per person per week.

Every published case has said the same but people still insist it's per day which is not true!!

However you cannot be fined at all in many councils unless you miss 10 sessions so if you take less than 5 days, even if unauthorized, you won't be fined until 10 unauthorized sessions have been reached in a single term (they don't advertised this though!)

For the record, many schools are still authorising....in our school, I've taken mine out for a week every year, clearly state holiday (no elaborate lie) and I get it authorized every year.

just read this first post. Is he poster seriously requesting the school be opened up at the weekend for her children? Premises staff, care takers, teaching staff, admin staff, managers, chaperones, insurance, cancellation of any event hired out in the buildings, clearance from the council, heating, clearance from security, etc etc

This cannot be a serious post.

Wind- sorry missed the point about your school 'scare' letter :)

Yes I think the schools are trying to scare parents. Ours gives the 'late payment' amount of £120 per child in their letter (rather than the £60) which is mad as they've authorized everyone's holiday anyway!

SATS don't help your child out. I wouldn't give a toss if my child missed year 2 SATS.

Go on holiday. Enjoy. That holiday will be much more important for your DC than SATS.

But I wouldn't expect the school to move the SATS.

Especially when those people are actually honest about their reasons. It's the 'granddad booked the wrong dates', fake wedding, dying relative (but not really), cheap flights excuses that make it harder for those with genuine reasons.

but the reason why people lie is that the system is idiotic.

it's none of the school's business what the holiday is for.

The system isn't idiotic. The problem is people take the piss.

You can't seriously expect a school to say "Ye go on holiday, doesn't matter if they miss school it's not important" they are only going to authorise things with a very good reason.

That doesn't mean people shouldn't go, just don't get upset that the school aren't encouraging it and won't bend over backwards to help.

You can't seriously expect a school to say "Ye go on holiday, doesn't matter if they miss school it's not important" they are only going to authorise things with a very good reason.

It's not the school that's at fault. it's the system, as I said. I understand why they don't authorise the absence; what I am saying is that it's wrong for an absence to have to be authorised.

If my child is away from school a handful of days, it's none of their business where she is and what she is doing. that's my child, not theirs.

I always wonder why people with your attitude don't home school, keepitsimple. Like it or not, once you voluntarily place your child in the school system, it's very much their business what's she's doing and when, if "when" is a school day.

can you imagine the chaos in school if we just let people keep their children off for a few days just for the sake of it. It would make things so hard for everyone and make progressing very difficult to do.

You choose to send your child to school you agree that unless their is very good reason they will be in school. I don't understand why people struggle with that concept so much.

I always wonder why people with your attitude don't home school, keepitsimple. Like it or not, once you voluntarily place your child in the school system, it's very much their business what's she's doing and when, if "when" is a school day.

I have a job, and so does DP, and we value the experience of school.

no, it's not their business, or it shouldn't be, so no I don't like it. Unless they suspect abuse, or damaging parenting, I am their primary caregiver and I know best. Their one size fits all rules don't.

The trouble is that there are children whose parents genuinely can't be bothered to get them to school, and those children miss huge portions of the school year. That's the problem. Not some child missing a few days for a family vacation in year 2 (it's year 2 for god's sake. they can miss a week).

can you imagine the chaos in school if we just let people keep their children off for a few days just for the sake of it. It would make things so hard for everyone and make progressing very difficult to do.

yes I can. That's the way it was when I was a kid and the way it is back home still (America). "Chaos" is a rather laughable word for it.

Thanks for all your comments. My experience has obviously fired up a lot of feeling out there. I have read all your points with interest, and I have calmed down. I realise the head had no option to say what she did. I was not suggesting she give me special treatment, merely trying to find another way of her getting her SATS figures. I dont mind if the kids don't do them, what I do mind is that she tells me it will affect the rest of their school career. As I think that is just scaremongering.
I do feel the system has a lot to answer for - and it is the heads and the teachers that feel the brunt of a bad system - Education secretary please note - this system you have at the moment is causing friction. Surely there must be a more creative way to ensure everybody can go on holiday to have quality time with their children/learn about different cultures etc etc without having to pay double. Lay person suggestions: Different authorities stagger their holidays? Each child is allowed 5 days authorised leave per year? Lets make this a positive post and get creative and make suggestions to change the system we have in place at the moment.

I know there are government guidelines . But I thought heads had some flexibility?

They do have some flexibility for genuinely exceptional cases - they always have done and that's not likely to change

As others have said, the problem is that so many take the piss; it's always their case which is different/more worthy and the real problems are always somebody else's fault. For some parents the general good of our children matters less than a cheap holiday - what does it matter if the system descends into chaos, as long as they get what they want??

Or, how about this, children go to school and learn what they need to learn in order to get good qualifications, good jobs, then they can afford to travel as much as they want and get all the cultural experiences they want!!

Lots of people who keep their kids off school for a handful of days don't know best.

Why don't people just take their kids on holiday, pay the fine and shut up? All this here are my photos, videos, blogs, diary of cultural visits - how does anyone get to be so self centred?

It's so embarrassing isn't it

I feel sorry for the children who have pushy parents like this. "Look at us, aren't we so clever and special; our child is so cultural and we are so benevolent, we are going to share our child's experience with those less fortunate in an attempt to educate them on what they are missing whilst they are being, er, educated".

Cringe

Just have a lovely holiday and tell people who care about it, not a captive audience being forced to look at someone else's holiday snaps.

Lots of people who keep their kids off school for a handful of days don't know best.

making uniform rules with essentially zero flexibility is anti-best.

It's always surprising to me that people accept this much interference by the government in their family life.

I do feel the system has a lot to answer for - and it is the heads and the teachers that feel the brunt of a bad system - Education secretary please note - this system you have at the moment is causing friction.

OP, you, and others like you, need to lobby your MP. If you want change, do something about it. Especially with an election coming up. You could have got together, started a campaign and all the parties would be so desperate for you vote that they will consider anything at the moment.

But seriously, if you want term time holidays, lobby for them.

I think changes need to be made and like keepitsimple0 said, term time holidays cause absolutely no problems elsewhere.

In the US and Brazil and many other countries the problem of truancy is tackled at the source. Truancy officers go to the children and work with the families. My mothers neighbours in the UK were/are school refusers. The parents were threatened with court, fines and endless empty threats but no one ever actually came to the house. When they asked if they could pick up school work they were told there wasn't any! But someone was being paid to teach them, so were they just not bothering to provide those children with work unless they actually showed up? At the end of the year one child got a report stating that she'd participated very well to class discussions . In an "outstanding" school the arse didn't know what the head was doing. If they'd had a least a case worker it might have helped a little towards a solution. Case by case not blanket policies are always better.

When they asked if they could pick up school work they were told there wasn't any! But someone was being paid to teach them, so were they just not bothering to provide those children with work unless they actually showed up?

It doesn't work like that in the uk, primary children do not work from text books or have work sheets. Teaching is exactly that - teaching. By explaining, demonstrating, breaking down new techniques, whether that is learning problems solving in numeracy or poetry writing in literacy.

Teachers are teaching new things all the time, they can't just 'send work home' unless there is someone at home who understands how to teach it to the child and is available and willing to teach it to the child.

If tomato really has any teaching experience I'm surprised she isn't aware of the valid points made by Fairenuff