Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get so angry about the no compromise attitude of my kids headmistress

526 replies

twinsplus1sfb · 17/04/2015 09:19

Arghhhhh - need to vent.
Situation - I have 3 kids (2 in Yr2, 1 in yr 4). They have never been abroad experienced an aeroplane different culture etc etc.
Their grandad has booked an expensive family holiday abroad, unfortunately he got mixed up with the dates and booked it for the week before half term.
I put a holiday form in and got a phone call from the school - apparently that is SATs week for my twins.
We have looked into changing the dates - no can do.
So - and here's where I get angry - I went to the head and told her the situation and asked her if there was any way we could work together around this, could the kids stay late after school one day or come in at the weekend before the SATS or come in in the half term after SATS.
I just got a flat NO to every option I suggested - she said it would affect their grades, and their whole school career. I asked if there was anything I could do - and she said "Cancel the holiday, oh and there will be a fine"
I understand that taking them out is not acceptable - but come on school - can we not compromise??? Help a little??? I dont even mind paying the fine, I'm just so upset that she cant even work with me on them taking their SATS on a different day or different time - is it really that strict? Would all of the headmistresses out there say that?
My kids have 100% attendance, they have never missed any school for holiday reasons ever before - its so peed off - and its going to ruin my holiday. Any advice? Any body had nice experiences with their heads? Is there anything I can do so that my kids can take their SATS?

OP posts:
Altinkum · 18/04/2015 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 18/04/2015 17:05

Fairenuff it only needs to be made comparable if the teachers coming in at the weekends was an actual genuine scenario, which it so clearly isn't and I think the OP didn't even actually expect teachers to do this, do you?

It was in response to your comment:

how many doctors who work in emergency rooms do you think stop saving the life of patient because their duty of care ended 5 minutes ago when their shift finished?

And I made it comparable because otherwise what was the relevance of your comment? It's got nothing to do with the thread.

Posters are discussing how OP expects teaching staff to give up their free time in order to accommodate her holiday choices:

could the kids stay late after school one day or come in at the weekend before the SATS or come in in the half term after SATS.

If you are talking about some other, non existent scenario, fine. You can carry on but I'll stick with what the OP said, thanks.

Altinkum · 18/04/2015 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 18/04/2015 17:07

I think for some things it should be authorised.

In general though it shouldn't be. Holidays should be taken during school holidays, if parents want extra time off they can't expect school up happily give permission and they certainly can't expect school to rearrange things to meet their needs

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 18/04/2015 17:10

She had another friend in her class take 2 weeks off to go to Fiji. The teacher got her to post regularly on the class blog about her adventures and then would bring it up on the smart board after she marked attendance to show everyone her photos. The children then got to write messages back to her (they were very lucky to all have their own tablets last year as part of a course their teacher was taking)

Wow, I thought the bungee video was the last word in insufferable smugness. I was wrong.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 18/04/2015 17:13

Out of interest do those who oppose the rigid and sanction-led approach to term time holidays lobby on the issue?

Bluestocking · 18/04/2015 17:17

Thanks for the Fiji snippet, Tondelayo, epic smugtwattery. I'd be really fucked off if my kid's teacher was wasting class time on little Heaven-Leigh's Fiji blog.

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 18/04/2015 17:23

I got turned down by HT last year when I wanted to take my YR1's out for a week to see their critically ill grand dad. ( He died the day before we flew out.) We spent the easter with MIL, OH sorting out the family estate, and doing some touristy things to take her mind off her loss. Whilst away I emailed the HT to let them know the turn of events and how much the boys had immersed themselves in their 'other' culture, had learnt to swim, met new family members, read loads of books, tried new food and learnt a new language by playing with the local kids on the beach.
We came back to school 4 days late to start term. We couldn't get an earlier flight home as it was SL New Year whilst we were out there.
A letter from the education authority was waiting on the door mat when we got home.
Yes, on the face of it it probably looked like we were having a jolly, but up til then their attendance had been 99% (DT2 had d&v that the school sent them home for 2 days for). Look at our files and it will show the same attendance as little Jonny who's mum has a caravan on the coast and misses every Friday.
I could've easily bribed a GP to say they had an ear infection and were not fit to travel but I was honest and upfront. We never got fined.

Am I bitter? (yep, and it's over a year)

Cheeseandhamtoast · 18/04/2015 17:23

Children showing videos and diaries of their holidays to their class - I didn't even know that it was a thing!

There are children in my DCs class who have never been abroad on holiday and it would not feel appropriate for my DC to make them spend lesson time looking at their holiday photos etc!!

HermiaDream · 18/04/2015 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Floggingmolly · 18/04/2015 17:33

What are you bitter about MERLY?? Your children missed the same amount of school days as little Johnny, but you think yours were for a "better" reason, so shouldn't have been remarked upon?

Andrewofgg · 18/04/2015 17:38

MERLY They learnt a new language in a week by playing with the local kids on the beach . . . sure they did.

HermiaDream · 18/04/2015 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluestocking · 18/04/2015 17:41

I accept bribes - my rates will all be on my website. Ear infections, D&V, anthrax - whatever you choose, all on an authentic doctor's note.

HermiaDream · 18/04/2015 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sirzy · 18/04/2015 17:45

You emailed the head to show off about what they had been doing on holiday and then they went back to school 4 days late. I'm not suprised it was unauthorised really!

MellieGrant · 18/04/2015 17:50

Whilst away I emailed the HT to let them know the turn of events and how much the boys had immersed themselves in their 'other' culture, had learnt to swim, met new family members, read loads of books, tried new food and learnt a new language by playing with the local kids on the beach.

I'm sure the HT was delighted to find that email in the middle of 500 other important things she had to do.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 18/04/2015 17:53

Sorry about your FIL
but what do you have to be bitter about? You went on the trip and you didn't get fined. That's the best outcome isn't it?

The remark about the caravan is indicative of the snobbery on this thread. (Foreign holidays are superior life experiences and morally and spiritually necessary)

CactusAnnie · 18/04/2015 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TenerifeSea · 18/04/2015 18:06

Bluestocking Do you do that for grown ups too? Work is a right pain at the moment. It's taking up all my free time during the day from Monday to Friday and I can't just take a holiday when I fancy, I have to ask my manager first! Outrageous! Shock

tomatodizzymum · 18/04/2015 18:59

I'm curious Bluestocking why would you not want your child being educated about Fiji?

easternpromises · 18/04/2015 19:12

YABU. The grandfather made a mistake booking the holiday during school time.

The headteacher's reaction does sound a little over the top but why are you expecting a teacher to come in during their weekend/ holiday to help your children because you fancy taking a holiday? That is totally unreasonable.

merly- I think the HT's decision sounds unfair in the circumstances you describe but why on earth were you sending him/her updates? Do you really think that GPs accept bribes? Your reaction to the decision seems v unreasonable.

ilovesooty · 18/04/2015 19:14

I'm another who doesn't believe for one minute the dates were a mistake.

HagOtheNorth · 18/04/2015 19:27

'how many doctors who work in emergency rooms do you think stop saving the life of patient because their duty of care ended 5 minutes ago when their shift finished'

In the same way that a teacher can be left standing in the dark with an uncollected child an hour after the event ended.
Or how I used to collect a school refuser every morning for two months because his mother couldn't cope with all the bad stuff that was happening to them as a family, and he'd only go with me.
Or all the times you go over the boundaries of the job because it needs to be done and there's no one else.
I was part of the strikes in the 80s. All we did at our school was withdraw goodwill. We stopped doing things we weren't paid to do (unless it was a serious situation) Parents were stunned at how much that was, and how much wasn't in the job description.
But if I wanted my operation at a time of my choosing, because of a holiday, it'd be private, not NHS. And I'd be paying.

Postchildrenpregranny · 18/04/2015 19:33

I once asked a secondary school for the Friday prior to Easter holiday off for my DD2(GCSE year) We'd had a difficult few months as MIL was ill and I took my Dds away for a few days to Barccelona. The fuss was unbelievable . Class teacher admitted it would make buggar all difference to her exam results(she got straight As that summer) and suggested , off the record, that perhaps I should call her in sick. I got very hoity toity and said I hadn't brought my children up to lie .
I would have minded less if the previous term the whole school hadn't finished a half day early for the Christmas holidays so the retiring Head could have a party ...Oddly, when I pointed this out to the Head they authorised the day off
My Dd1 was in the first year of SATS being introduced.They wanted to test her above the 'normal' level for her age and were very accommodating about my taking her out of school for a last minute trip to France with a friend (her husband couldn't go last minute .We were dead broke at the time. It was a free holiday...)How times change
Schools controlling when you take your children on holiday really annoys me .