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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get so angry about the no compromise attitude of my kids headmistress

526 replies

twinsplus1sfb · 17/04/2015 09:19

Arghhhhh - need to vent.
Situation - I have 3 kids (2 in Yr2, 1 in yr 4). They have never been abroad experienced an aeroplane different culture etc etc.
Their grandad has booked an expensive family holiday abroad, unfortunately he got mixed up with the dates and booked it for the week before half term.
I put a holiday form in and got a phone call from the school - apparently that is SATs week for my twins.
We have looked into changing the dates - no can do.
So - and here's where I get angry - I went to the head and told her the situation and asked her if there was any way we could work together around this, could the kids stay late after school one day or come in at the weekend before the SATS or come in in the half term after SATS.
I just got a flat NO to every option I suggested - she said it would affect their grades, and their whole school career. I asked if there was anything I could do - and she said "Cancel the holiday, oh and there will be a fine"
I understand that taking them out is not acceptable - but come on school - can we not compromise??? Help a little??? I dont even mind paying the fine, I'm just so upset that she cant even work with me on them taking their SATS on a different day or different time - is it really that strict? Would all of the headmistresses out there say that?
My kids have 100% attendance, they have never missed any school for holiday reasons ever before - its so peed off - and its going to ruin my holiday. Any advice? Any body had nice experiences with their heads? Is there anything I can do so that my kids can take their SATS?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 18/04/2015 14:52

Holidays don't need to be aboard. They don't need to be expensive. They don't need to be in term time.

If people choose to take their children out then they pay the fines. Otherwise holiday in the holidays within your means.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/04/2015 14:53

Uncle Horatio is just about to cark it in Sharm

Howling Grin I've no heard that saying before ...

By the way, the "doctors letter" suggestion was mine; do I get a percentage of your impending fortune??!!! Wink

Micah · 18/04/2015 15:00

It's the herd thing again though. One or two children per class isn't a big deal.

But if every child in a class of 30 yr 3 took a weeks holiday, that's a huge chunk out of class continuity and too many knowledge gaps going forward. You end up in yr 4 with one having missed fractions, one's missed punctuation, another has missed ww2 history etc etc. Then by year 5 and another 30 weeks missed and the teacher is spending more time on filling in gaps than new topics.

I used to go on holiday in term time and has some knowledge gaps- I found it very difficult and confidence damaging when we moved on and I had missed the basics.

Like pp said, these discussions are always backed up by "my kid is fine missing a week". Without any thought to the kids back in class.

HagOtheNorth · 18/04/2015 15:00

'Is it just jealousy because the majority of posters moaning on this thread are teachers and can't get away with it? '

This is yet another of the good things about being on supply. Smile
As a class teacher, I'd worry about a child having missed that term's week on something significant and then finding it hard to do the follow on work. I'd worry that they wouldn't make the required number of sub-levels of progress, and that their lack of progress would become a point of note in my own performance management. I'd then work very hard to make sure that didn't happen.
As a supply, the overall progress of that child is not my problem. I turn up, I make sure that everyone present learns something and has as happy a day as can be expected and that's it. I don't care if I have a class of 30 or 20, and I don't care if Jocasta misses something lovely or not. Not My Problem.

freezation · 18/04/2015 15:03

Once my 3 (including DTs) are of school age we probably won't be able to afford holidays abroad. So we just won't go. It's not a right but a luxury.

BoneyBackJefferson · 18/04/2015 15:18

ClumsyNinja
I'm struggling to understand why so many posters are desperate to support the notion that taking holidays in term time is massively detrimental to both the children and the teachers/schools? It clearly isn't!

Is it just jealousy because the majority of posters moaning on this thread are teachers and can't get away with it?

As a teacher I couldn't give a monkey's when parents take their children out, so it isn't Jealousy, I would much prefer it if they missed both Ks2 Sats.

As for why I don't like it. Its because it generates more work for myself and my colleagues from those that believe that teachers should pick up the slack from the parents choices.

HagOtheNorth · 18/04/2015 15:32

It is very telling when some of them return and you ask them about their holiday
'We went to Mexico/Spain/Florida/TunisiaOuter Mongolia'
'It was a big hotel and it had a pool, we ate icecream and I had a different pizza every day. They had wifi and a huge screen in the room for playing games'

That's it. Total experience. Grin

Muskey · 18/04/2015 15:34

Like many pp I don't agree with people taking the dc out of school in term time but each to their own. What is a bit annoying is would the op be asking for her dc to sit theiryear 6 sats at a different time to everyone else or even their GCSEs. These tests are mandated so surely the schools have to administer them when they are told to not when it's convenient for pupils parents

ClumsyNinja · 18/04/2015 15:34

Why does it generate more work for teachers?

Surely it's up to the parent taking them out to ensure their kids complete any missed coursework? Has something changed?

My DS will be taking a week out of school at the end of September (family event) so as far as I'm concerned it's up to DH and myself to ensure he keeps up with the rest of the class. We don't live in the UK anymore and when I mentioned it to his teacher, she said, ' that's grand, enjoy yourselves.'

tiggytape · 18/04/2015 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tomatodizzymum · 18/04/2015 15:48

tomato. Did your children's teachers go "above and beyond" to help your kids catch up on the back of your lie of a holiday?

I never lied about a holiday, the one time I took the children out of school in the UK it was two days before the end of term (because my husbands company bought the flights) I was told I would be fined 50 per child (or something like that) but it came to nothing. That was 6 years ago.

Now we go to the UK when it's termtime otherwise we would never be able to afford to go and I want my children to experience their culture while they're growing up. They usually do a presentation when they get back, same with the Norwegian family. We live in a small town and very few have ever been to a major city, let alone abroad. It's interesting to them.

If so, did you feel pleased to have hoodwinked everyone, or guilty that they were putting in their own time to facilitate your made up wedding ceremony?

We sent people in the UK an invitation to a wedding (distant relatives of my husbands) they pretended it was close family and came out. Their children attended the wedding and I have no idea what they toldthe school when they got back. None of my business.

One of the schools gave them 3 days off only, which is their completely commonsense lacking blanket policy for weddings, OK if you're going to France, bit dumb if you're going to New Zealand.

Do you think this made them feel uncomfortable or are they used to it?
.....oh yeah they're used to it, me and all my friends are all shit parents Hmm.

tomatodizzymum · 18/04/2015 15:53

HagOtheNorth You're welcome to, but flights are mind blowingly expensive which is why most of my friends only have only one chance. Clearly it's not that great though, they should go go-karting in Margate instead Wink

tomatodizzymum · 18/04/2015 15:59

ilovesooty how many doctors who work in emergency rooms do you think stop saving the life of patient because their duty of care ended 5 minutes ago when their shift finished? When you work with people you cannot often slot into a 9-5 framework.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/04/2015 16:07

how many doctors who work in emergency rooms do you think stop saving the life of patient because their duty of care ended 5 minutes ago when their shift finished

If a doctor was in the middle of a life-saving operation, of course they wouldn't. What a ridiculous thing to say.

Asking a teacher to do extra work, outside of their working hours and days, to support a child whose family chose to take them on holiday in school time, is a completely different matter. But you know that, don't you, tomato?

HermiaDream · 18/04/2015 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Heels99 · 18/04/2015 16:16

Asking the Dr to reschedule the operation to a weekend to accommodate a holiday is a ore logical example

Fairenuff · 18/04/2015 16:19

how many doctors who work in emergency rooms do you think stop saving the life of patient because their duty of care ended 5 minutes ago when their shift finished

To make that comparable, you would have to say that you were given a date for an operation but, because you made a mistake on your holiday booking/wanted a cheaper holiday, you expect the doctor to come in, in thier own time on their weekend off to do the operation at a time that suits you. Also, s/he is not to be paid for this.

Floggingmolly · 18/04/2015 16:22

We've sent fake wedding invites to friends so they could actually afford to visit
You actually said that earlier, Tomato... Now you say there actually was a wedding which they attended. What?? Confused

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 18/04/2015 16:37

£1800 is a lot to pay in fines!!

Any other time I would see your point, but not during SATs week, and I'm not surprised the HT knocked back all your suggestion

tomatodizzymum · 18/04/2015 16:43

Yes, but not with invites, we made the invite for them to show the school.That's a fake wedding invite, the school needed concrete proof that they were going for a reason, other than they wanted to see their friends and give their children a more global perspective. Apparently that's not good enough, you need an actual wedding, funeral or major illness and you need to provide proof. Personally I think they should have told the LA to stick it, but I'm not them. They wanted a paper thing and we gave it to them. It's a shame they cannot just come when they want to, just because they have children in the English school system. To anyone outside the UK the rule just makes the UK look plain ridiculous.

Fairenuff it only needs to be made comparable if the teachers coming in at the weekends was an actual genuine scenario, which it so clearly isn't and I think the OP didn't even actually expect teachers to do this, do you? It was obviously a reaction the headmistress and her OTT attitude.

tomatodizzymum · 18/04/2015 16:49

HermiaDream that's a very bold assumption based on one post, on one scenario, on an internet forum Confused.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 18/04/2015 16:49

If we're doing shit analogies with life-saving operations, it's probably more like if the patient got up and said 'I'm going on holiday now because my imaginary grandad got confused and bought tickets for now, so please sew me up as best you can, make it so I'll be ok for a week in the sun, and I will come back on another day when it's convenient for me, so you can finish the operation: your day off in three weeks is clear in my diary, so how about then?'.

westcoastnortherneragain · 18/04/2015 16:49

Just take them on holiday and pay the fine. I'm actually glad I live in a country where this ridiculous policy doesn't exist, and the children here do fine at school even with an extra weeks holiday here and there.

ElizabethHoover · 18/04/2015 16:53

I have never fined anyone as much as £1800

EVER

Buttercupsandaisies · 18/04/2015 16:53

Where does it say £1800 fines?

Maximum you can be charged is £60 per parent per child per week according to government website so even if you are away for two weeks, fine would be £240 per child so £720 at the most.

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