To ask how if you're an introvert, and if so how do you recharge you're batteries?

[EmeraldThief]

I'm an introvert (obviously). I find lots of socialising and large groups of people really draining. I don't dislike socialising or people, but I have a limit and when I reach it I become grumpy, snappy and just want to run away and be on my own for a bit.

I find that we live in a world that's increasingly biased towards extroverts and introverts are considered odd/weird/anti social/strange. I love nothing more than going for a stroll on my own or going to a cafe and sitting and watching the world go by. Others find this really odd for some reason, I don't know why? "What, you went shopping on your own?" Yes, why the hell not?

How do you recharge you're batteries and how do you deal with the discrimination against introverts?

Can I ask if any of you have DC who are extrovert, and if so how you find it?

My DS is one (an extrovert I mean, he's not one year old :)) and talks constantly and wants feedback on everything and much as I love him it can be very tiring!

Not sure about broadcasting on Facebook. I find it easier to put things on Facebook rather than calling or texting friends individually. Facebook is also an easy way to keep in contact with someone, a like or a quick comment is much easier than a phone call. I hate speaking on the phone, another introvert trait! Most of what I post is about DD though, very little about my life, although DD is my life!

On here we see lots of posts about friendship where some get upset because they are always left trying to organise nights outs or to take control of the friendship. I think, again, this is an introvert/extrovert thing. I need to touch base with my friends every couple of months. My best friends I only see a few times a year. It would seem that for others that is not enough and it's deemed offensive that they don't touch base with friends on daily/weekly basis.

As for colouring in, actually, I must admit that I do enjoy finishing off DD's art work when she's in bed! Hadn't really thought of it before as being an introvert thing.

I reckon the two are linked Peppermint. I think extroverts enjoy and get energy from feedback and interaction with others and that extends to social media.

I'm on FB but I keep chat switched off (apart from for very good friends) because being messaged out the blue by someone just wanting to chat sends me into a blind panic.

Ineed, I mean those people who update with every film or TV show they watch and take photos of everything they do and seem to be unable to do anything without kind of social interaction! And I'm with you on the phone hatred. I hate making phone calls especially as I feel I'm interrupting someone else's time/space.

flippinada me too. I feel really invaded when chat somehow gets switched on.

I don't like plastering every detail of my life on Facebook either. I don't see the point. Who cares about what someone else is watching on the TV? Rather than an extrovert thing I've always found that a bit attention seeking to be honest.

I realized I am an introvert a few years ago, and everything just slid into place. I don't mind socialising, and be quite loud in small groups (2 or 3 good friends) but in large groups I would rather sit and listen rather than try and shout over people. Even when out with friends I have a limit of how long I can go without almost shutting down, it's like sensory overload and I just want to go home.

DH is the opposite and loves big groups and staying out late and I have had to be blunt on occasion that I need to go to bed (especially once when I was coming down with flu and he suggested going to the hotel bar at 12:30 with some friends after we had been to another friends party). He seems to be on a 'high' whereas it drains me.

He also describes having great Thanksgiving Days at a friends villa in Florida, where all the neighbors (so there were about 10 or 12 people there) would pile round and they would be there all day, sharing stories, playing games and he said it was brilliant fun and we should go next time. As I only knew him and no-one else, all I could think of was that it sounded horrendous, to be stuck in a room full of strangers all day and be expected to enjoy it, made me feel almost claustrophobic. I wondered if there was something wrong with me to react so badly towards something DH thinks is so much fun, but once I realized that he is an extrovert and I'm an introvert then it all became clear why we react so differently.

Rather than an extrovert thing I've always found that a bit attention seeking to be honest.

Mm, but I wonder if the need for attention is an extrovert thing?

Peppermint I keep chat permanently switched off for that very reason!

I reckon that extroversion and attention seeking are linked. Just MO though.

I'll tell you what I don't get, people who love to hold court, be very loud in large groups and love all eyes on them. I can't think of anything worse!

I very rarely socialise and only do so when it suits me. I'm going to a wedding next month and I am really looking forward to it as I will see people I love and havn't seen in a while so I dont feel its a strain or something to dred.

So I feel that doing things when I want on my own terms means I don't get that frazzled by people.

......I'll tell you what I don't get, people who love to hold court, be very loud in large groups and love all eyes on them. I can't think of anything worse!

^ I now someone like this, very loud, brash no it all, everyone thinks she is a super confident person but inside she is a frightened little girl

Emerald me too, can't imagine anything worse than being the centre of attention.

I am constantly amazed that some people want to be famous or have all eyes on them- I truly can't imagine anything worse! I'm not shy but I don't get the need for attention at all. This also extends to Facebook with me- I don't think I have ever shared anything ever because it seems like a really strange 'look at me' thing. I don't judge people that do do this btw, I just can't grasp it.

I also get quite panicked (maybe not quite the right word) if someone just rings me for a chat out of the blue. I find it quite intrusive and odd at first and I really have to work hard against that initial reaction to enjoy the conversation! My first reaction if I have had a tough day is not to call a friend for a chat- it's to sit in a quiet room for a while to get over it

A yes plastic that dreaded phone call.... makes me shudder just thinking about it

I also get quite panicked (maybe not quite the right word) if someone just rings me for a chat out of the blue. I find it quite intrusive and odd at first and I really have to work hard against that initial reaction to enjoy the conversation!

Yes me too, what are you meant to say to them? I never know. I have a very few people I enjoy speaking to but only a few.

I enjoy things like Facebook and Twitter because I am in charge of them.

I can step away at any point if I feel like I've had enough.

That's not the case with rea-lie interaction.

Yes, yes and yes to the phone call thing. So much so that I never answer the phone unless it's a pre planned call. And I also prefer emails/texts to phone calls.

I'm exactly the same with phone calls Plastic unless it's my own immediate family I find phoning just to 'chat' without a specific purpose really uncomfortable and intrusive. Things are so much better on that score these days with text and facebook. It's done away with those phone calls out of the blue from people you haven't seen for while.

I don't fame particularly but I don't post on twitter or facebook what I do. Someone asked about children. My oldest is particularly outgoing. When she was 2 for example and went to look round the nursery school she went to in the mornings when she was 3 she talked to everyone even then. obviously she has sailed through life in anything that requires social skills, got a great job as a city lawyer (£100k), lovely husband. The difference between us is fascinating. If she's walking between work and home she will call someone so she has social interaction even in that kind of a gap of time. In contrast my children know that even when away on holiday i like a few hours every day entirely alone!

I don't think these differences matter. I'm just as successful and happy and unlike many people cannot wait until I'm 85 in the hope by then I might actually live alone which I've never once yet achieved in my life. If you like your own company you can be very content indeed. If you need others like Esther Rantzen for example has written about it can make you quite miserable.

I bought 'Quiet', as linked to up thread today, I am feeling under the weather so am looking forward to reading it with a cup of tea later.

I don't do phone calls either, apart from my one close friend. Not on Facebook or any other social media.

I think that it would have been much easier to be an introvert in Georgian times, letters, riding into town when you had to, etc., etc..

Oh good. It's a lovely book. I've still not finished but will take it when we go away on holiday.

I have just read a book called the "highly sensitive person" by Elizabeth someone I think. About some people (many but not all of whom are introverts) pick up more dynamics and have nervous systems that get more easily overloaded. Not sure how well founded in research it is but found it interesting and related to a lot of it.

How do you know which you are though, I find this fascinating.

I love my friends, my real close friends, but loathe meeting new people unless say it is one outside person coming into a group I already know but the idea of going somewhere where I was the outsider as it were is terrifying.

This thread is so interesting as I can totally relate to the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and exhausted after being with people but especially strangers for any length of time. Also the feeling of being overstimulated by say a visit to London but conversely I do love going!

I love to chat to friends and family but hate to be the centre of attention, public speaking - I couldn't do it if you paid me.

I hate the idea of living on a remote island but do love my own company.

How do you know what you are? Confused here!

Being introverted is not the same as being shy.

It's just about how you "recharge your batteries" as the title says.

A "sociable introvert" could enjoy meeting new people, but also find it tiring being around people (new or otherwise) and need time alone to recover.

A "shy extrovert" could dislike meeting new people, but find that being around people they knew gave them mental energy, while being alone was unpleasant and draining.

There was a thread earlier this week about "a day without adult conversation" and the thread was split between those who always wanted adult conversation and those who would be happy with no conversation at all (but not best pleased at having children's conversation but no adults).

I have a lot of introvert friends and also alot of extrovert ones - I spend time with each depending on my mood - I'm starting to think I may be divergent

I don't know that we really need a word for "medium" -- wasn't part of the point of Divergent that people shouldn't be expected to only have one quality? :o