To ask how if you're an introvert, and if so how do you recharge you're batteries?

[EmeraldThief]

I'm an introvert (obviously). I find lots of socialising and large groups of people really draining. I don't dislike socialising or people, but I have a limit and when I reach it I become grumpy, snappy and just want to run away and be on my own for a bit.

I find that we live in a world that's increasingly biased towards extroverts and introverts are considered odd/weird/anti social/strange. I love nothing more than going for a stroll on my own or going to a cafe and sitting and watching the world go by. Others find this really odd for some reason, I don't know why? "What, you went shopping on your own?" Yes, why the hell not?

How do you recharge you're batteries and how do you deal with the discrimination against introverts?

There was another thread recently in the same vein as this. I ,too am an introvert. Although I do socialise I then have to recharge my batteries by being alone and quiet. I like to potter around the house doing "stuff" but I like to do it in peace and quiet. No radio, no tv. Just the windows open. When DH or DC are home there is always noise-which is great, it's their home. But when I'm alone I do like quiet. My DH finds this strange I also run without music. Which a lot of my friends can't understand but it's the solitude that I like.

I love the description of 'sociable introvert'. I do enjoy being with other people, but always feel most energised by time on my own. It's comforting to see that others enjoy being in the house alone. DH just doesn't understand that being totally free of interruptions (or the possibility of interruptions) makes a huge difference to my sense of calm.

Having read the thread through I disagree that there's nothing defining about being an introvert and that everyone needs time alone. My understanding is that extroverts need contact with other people, they're not always loud or overbearing, but what they need is to be in contact with other people most of the time, whereas introverts need time alone. It doesn't automatically follow that one is loud & brash & the other quiet & thoughful (still waters don't always run deep!!) but certain types of extroverts who always have to dominate, be the centre of attention etc, that is what I can't stand! I do hate the enforced socialising that comes with parenting & like another poster I get wound up about play dates days before & need an evening to calm down afterwards. Reading this makes me feel better about that, perhaos I'm not an anti-social miserable git for not enjoying it (as I've been made to feel!), perhaps I'm just an introvert & that's ok :)

I'm a Sociable introvert too, always have been. I've never had a large group of friends and parties used to terrify me as a child. I like socialising a bit better now, but have been known to not go home if I finish work unexpectedly early just to sit in a café with a cup of tea, a cake and a magazine. Love that peace & quiet.
This thread has actually helped me remember exactly why I have been so tense with a very short fuse recently: I haven't had peaceful alone time in a good month and it's well overdue! My 4dc being home & 1 of them being a very extroverted one, who cannot stand quiet or being along isn't helping. She follows me around chatting non-stop. Bring on Monday!

I am a total introvert. I recharge by lots of down time reading or a film/TV - preferably crime related or history progs as those are my interests. Messiah being back on Drama is a joy. (not only for Ken Stott reasons) as is the Egyptians on Yesterday.

At work i 'play the game'. I got told i was 'too quiet' to get better jobs or deal with 'tricky' people, I copied a friend's social style. It works, i am considered 'efficient, capable and social'. But yes its tiring not being yourself, so i find i need more down time to compensate.

Its been a problem with the opposite sex tho, a lot of men at work like the work me but not the private me. Again, 'too quiet'. Conversely i have a lot of 'quiet' male friends but i dont feel attracted to men who are quiet/introvert. Hey ho.

There definitely is a difference. Extroverts get their energy from being around other people. Introverts get theirs from time alone.

I spend a lot of time walking the dog, and I love finding new places to explore on our walks - the more remote the better! I also have hobbies - knitting and painting - that engross me and take a nice amount of concentration without being too demanding: it's just a shame I don't have more time for them with work and family commitments. My job gives me a lot of time alone too, which I love, though I do have to spend a day a week in the office with a very loud and talkative colleague. One day a week is (only) just manageable, though I do find myself having to nip out of the room quite a lot before I get too stressed. Oddly enough, two of my best friends are both very extroverted, but they are both sensitive and understanding to introverts (they are both married to introverted men), and we seem to have a nice symbiosis going on.

I don't agree that the trend is to socialise more. Tons of men and women run businesses on line these days. most of my work is email and I work totally alone with no one around in silent with the door shut. When it's warm like today I lie in the totally silent garden (except for bird song) for 20 minutes in the sun after lunch.

I've a book upstairs (forgotten the name) about how people who think alone often have the best ideas (not those working in groups) and how some leading business people work like that who founded their own companies. i think the book is called Quiet.

I am lucky to have a day off in the week and I spend it very quietly.

Married to an extrovert - we did Myers Briggs together on a retreat long before we got married. He often goes out with friends on a Friday night and I will recharge quietly at home. We have three primary school age children at the moment and I work in a job which involves a lot of people contact. I do find it very draining sometimes. My quiet day off really helps.

I love reading and occasionally enjoy my own company but sadly I feel like I really 'come alive' when I'm with people (well people I like) so I suppose that makes me an extrovert.
When I'm on my own I can go into standby mode and even feel like I being punished! (Inside my head is a harsh place) I say sadly as I'm now a lone parent and get very lonely. Actually though when ex was here it was his presence that I found reassuring and didn't need to be talking to him all the time. (His presence and looking forward to bedtime with him!)

I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. That helps.
I do like to socialise, and meet up with friends when I get the chance. I equally like to just be on my own as well though. A happy balance of both is needed, I'd crack up without any alone time!
If I wanted to chill, I'd take myself off to the cinema to watch a chick flick. Cinema by yourself means all the popcorn to yourself as well, what's not to like?!

Or a breakfast and a read of the papers in the local cafe.

Or maybe a walk along the local countryside with a camera to upload to Instagram and Twitter and whatnot on my return

I take my notebook, a bic fine line biro and I go and sit under a tree/outside a v quiet café, by a river etc and I write.

Are you me?! That sounds like the sort of thing I do. Weather's been atrocious here for months, but last summer I just used to take a notepad, some pens and myself to the park and sit under a tree writing all sorts of stuff from short story ideas to blog posts!

I am also an introvert but, like others, you wouldn't know it. I am very chatty, settle quickly into new situations (but find it difficult and nerve wracking at first), work in a job that requires me to meet people.

However, I need regular downtime which I tend to spend at home watching episodes of Friends. Am more than happy to go shopping by myself or sit in a cafe by myself. I don't particularly like having visitors and if anyone was to stay over, I would absolutely hate it. My home is my haven it took me a while to work out that this is because of my introversion!

I really don't like gobby loud people and I avoid them wherever I can. My friend teaches gym classes and I have stopped going as there are 2 people who are just so loud and annoying, I cannot stand it. I can't tell my friend why I am not going anymore!

Another introvert here. I find it harder to get time alone since having DC. They are just so full-on and sometimes it feels like its work / family but no me-time.

I struggle with the DC too. I feel like I need time out by myself in the evenings but bedtime stories etc always call. ..

Oooo all this talk of writing has reminded me of my fave thing to do when I get some time alone.....anyone else do colouring in?!! My current project is below...I have a special set of fine felt tip pens that DC do not know about cos they'd wreck them

www.amazon.co.uk/Millie-Marottas-Animal-Kingdom-Colouring/dp/184994167X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1429339228&sr=8-1&keywords=millie+marotta%27s+animal+kingdom

Someone said upthread that their home was their haven. I feel like that completely, I like being at home. Since DH& DC I have created a mini haven - my bedroom. I have a leather armchair, lamp and music stand and during the winter holidays, when can all be at home together for a week, I sneak off for the odd hour here and there to read, sew, play music.

I love my family dearly but I am really not made for 24/7 with anyone, anyone at all.

There is a thread just now in AIBU discussing a girls name. I do wonder if this is another difference between introverts and extroverts. As an introvert I never discussed name choices with friends. I didn't want feedback, just like I don't want feedback when I go shopping for clothes. It seems to me that extroverts need that contact with other people, they need to discuss choices and vocalise them in order to process their thoughts. Introverts on the other hand go into their own heads and do their processing there. For the life of me I cannot understand why you would discuss something that is essentially about taste with no right or wrong answer. I kept DD's name quiet until she was born as I didn't want feedback on it. Once she was given her name then others would have to accept it.

I've been called anti social before by an (ex) friend.

I'd far rather have friends over for drinks and nibbles than go out, to be honest most nights I'd rather sit in front of the telly than go out for a meal.

Retreat home and cook/bake listening to a podcast... read a book, snuggle up with the cat, write a letter... generally pottering about recharges me.

If I need to blow off steam after a long draining day I'll go for a run to get back into my own world, ideally in the rain with music through headphones.

There are some great books about introverts which helped me understand myself a bit more and not feel guilty for only being able to enjoy an hour or so at anything noisy with loads of new people. DH checks in with me when we're out socialising to see what my 'battery level' is at and we always decide together a max time we're planning to stay (he is a big extrovert).

I have been labelled antisocial too CustcardCream, but when I look back and who said it, I think 'well I don't value your opinion very much anyway'. I'm quite certain their motivation was malicious.

"It seems to me that extroverts need that contact with other people, they need to discuss choices and vocalise them in order to process their thoughts. Introverts on the other hand go into their own heads and do their processing there."

Ineed I think this is spot on. I totally get what you are saying about wondering why on earth people ask for feedback on things that are a matter of personal taste or choice, like names. What if someone says something hurtful - why subject yourself to that?

I have come to the conclusion that being content in your own company is actually quite rare and something to treasure.

I also think that problems arise when people can't tolerate 'difference' and take things personally. My lovely DSis is a real extrovert, very outgoing and loves being around people (unlike me). Despite that we are close and get along great because we understand and accept we have a different way of 'being'.

I do colouring. Love it.

I didn't want feedback, just like I don't want feedback when I go shopping for clothes.

I thought I was the only one! I don't want opinions or help making a decision, or to explain or justify my choices. My idea of hell? A group of people milling about trying to decide where to eat.

I've heard that adult colouring books are really popular. I can understand why, it's an absorbing task with a satisfying end result that doesn't need to involve anyone else. Perfect for introverts :).

I guess I'm a bit of a sociable introvert really. Before I had a DP and DC I'd while away hours or weekends with a TV series or a bunch of films and chill the hell out. But these days I just enjoy family time, and if I'm lucky maybe an hr or two playing Football Manager

Saying that on the odd occasion I love being out with friends, tend to avoid large gatherings but just a select few folks together tends to be awesome. I think now my life is infinitely busier as a parent I actually do value the social side more than ever as solo time at home is virtually non existent.

Does anyone else struggle with friends who can't seem to do anything without broadcasting it? Is this an introvert/extrovert clash? One of my friends posts everything they do on Facebook, and messages me about things that make me think: but why are you telling me. What am I meant to say?

Might be a private thing rather than an introvert thing, or are they linked?