To ask how if you're an introvert, and if so how do you recharge you're batteries?

[EmeraldThief]

I'm an introvert (obviously). I find lots of socialising and large groups of people really draining. I don't dislike socialising or people, but I have a limit and when I reach it I become grumpy, snappy and just want to run away and be on my own for a bit.

I find that we live in a world that's increasingly biased towards extroverts and introverts are considered odd/weird/anti social/strange. I love nothing more than going for a stroll on my own or going to a cafe and sitting and watching the world go by. Others find this really odd for some reason, I don't know why? "What, you went shopping on your own?" Yes, why the hell not?

How do you recharge you're batteries and how do you deal with the discrimination against introverts?

Yy to people staying longer than I've mentally prepared for!

I find Pinterest very helpful with quotations related to being ok with who you are etc
I get sensory overload after a day in the city etc and really need quiet for a couple if hours at home
It's really ok to be this way

I'm an introvert too! Found a talk by someone called Susan Cain (I think it was) on TED a revelation (and amusing) - worth tracking it down if you can (she's an introvert too). I love to read, garden, have a soak in the bath, work out at the gym (don't enjoy the group classes). I prefer shopping on my own, as I find that if I shop with friends or family I put so much effort into being with them that I can't manage to make any decisions about what to buy - which is fine if it's just a social thing, but no good if I do need to buy things. As long as I do have some time to recharge my batteries alone, I do enjoy spending time with family and friends. I feel lucky that my job also allows me to work on my own most of the time - which is far more productive for me, although I have learned that I do need to ask for help sometimes.

DH's family are all extroverts except his Dad who has his garden. His garden is beautiful. It's his sanctuary. He goes down the garden a lot. He bargains with MIL. If they go out for a day or away for a weekend or have people over for dinner, then he has to spend a day in the garden the next day. He is jittery and uncomfortable and then he sort of melds into his vegetable patch and lets out a big breath. At family gatherings we sit in the other room from the hubbub and don't talk. We light the fire, read, stare into the flames but we just sit. DH joins us too.

The rest of the family I love. I do. They're wonderful. But they're all loud noise and hugs and chatting and raucous laughter. They call round each other's houses without phoning, drop in, put the kettle on themselves and just chatter and chatter. They are very good now at understanding I can't manage that and compromise. I try and see them lots but in a managed way. When dd was 5 days old (5 days post emcs and a busy postnatal stay), they came round for NINE HOURS. I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed. DH had to remove them as I wouldn't come out. I'd been so looked at and prodded for 5 days, I just couldn't take it. Only time I've felt so rude and ashamed of being an introvert. I couldn't do it though.

I hide too. Or refuse lifts. I just need some space either side of going to social things.

I'm fine at work too. I am chatty, professional, light-hearted and friendly. It's part of a job. It's not me.

I go running off road or for a walk. I love finding quiet country paths. I tend to find once you get a mile beyond the car park, the paths empty and you get the place to yourself. Such bliss.......

I work nights so get a lot of time to myself in the day when I should be sleeping but can't.

No one seems to judge me, I don't care that other people are out socializing all the time and they don't care that I'm not

I'm perfectly content in my own company and find socializing really quite exhausting. I enjoy the company of DH and my dses though!

I'm an introvert and I spend a fair bit of time on my own during the day (DH is breadwinner). Even socialising with DH and DS in the evenings is quite draining for me so I wouldn't cope with a job during school hours, I'm happy to potter at home most days. And being in contact with people, even if I'm not socialising with them - just being out to the shops or to a coffee shop on my own is demanding as well, so I wouldn't really choose to do that as an introvert. You still have to interact with people a bit just to pay for things etc.

I just make sure I spend a decent amount of time at home on my own. I'm quite happy not leaving the house for days on end. I go online a lot, do exercise at home, read a bit, and do some creative hobbies.

I socialise at weekends and occasional evenings but otherwise most of my time is spent alone. Some people are horrified by this but for me it's when I'm happiest. Sometimes DH and DS have both been away for school trips/work at the same time and it's been blissful having the entire house to myself for days!

To recharge yy long walks alone, surfing internet, reading, craft etc never do shopping trips with others, love a long train bus journey alone, in fact I can't wait to retire to my little canal boat/caravan/cottage when older to just read/walk/potter for days with DH who thankfully is also a quiet man. A hunky one too

Hello kindered spirits! It's so nice to be reminded that I'm not alone. I believe that the world definitely celebrates the extrovert. I love a bit of socialising (when I feel like it) and love gym classes and generally being around people, but man, do I love my own space.

Oh, agree with whoever's mum said 'proper' head down swimming. I go in the mornings and bomb it. I don't mind a bit of chat with the regulars, but get my goggles sharpish! There's a freedom under the water. It's peaceful. Get that for weird!

I have one dc and I'm wondering if I have to have another so I can get away with not having to do so much of the 'play date' thing.

I too work in schools and see very young, primary age children having to work in groups. I don't ever remember having to do group work at primary school. Paired work yes, but not any more than two. Yet more evidence of the system forcing introverted people to be more extroverted than they feely comfortable being.

Yes, I find things like playdates for the DC really draining. I have some friends that say it's so much easier to have a friend around and then they all play together, but I find that friend always seems to talk endlessly to me and I can't relax the entire time the friend is over. I 'worry' about play dates for days before they happen. I have 3 extrovert DC so I push myself to be outgoing and make friends at the school gates for their sakes. DH is also an introvert and some weekends we really long for a bit of peace. We both find it very hard to have extrovert DC as they're just so unlike us!

DH's family is also quite extrovert and love to sit around and play endless game after game ( the kind where you have to do all manner of embarrassing things, not a quiet card game) and I can't take it. I never join in and often take myself off on my own. I think they understand it's just my quirk and hope they don't take it personally.

I also find that on a rare night out, it takes me hours to unwind and relax again enough to fall asleep. My mind is buzzing with the overstimulation.

Luckily, I'm at home alone most of the time or with just DS as company while the older DC are at school. I find when all 3 are home I get really stressed at times when we are all together trying to do something like get our shoes on to go out.

I didn't even realise that shopping on your own was a strange thing to do! I haven't shopped with a friend since I was a teenager.

Be very proud of yourself. Being comfortable in your own company is a great strength. We introverts don't need to be in the company of others in order to feel secure. Nearly all of the world's great artists, writers, thinkers, poets and songwriters are introverts who love or indeed need to be alone. I often recharge my batteries after being in the company of loud-mouthed obnoxious extroverts, simply by being alone.

PS don't you just hate parties, weddings and social gatherings?

Introvert married to introvert here. Moving a lot geographically in the last ten years means that my friendship circle is pretty spread out and so I don't have any pressure to meet up with people. Most friends are a good hour away.

I have quite a solitary life really, DH works away half the month, DD goes to school. I have plenty of work that keeps me busy, spend two days a week with other people in lectures which is more than enough for me.

I walk my dog in the forest, alone, upwards of an hour a day. Read a lot, yoga, sewing, play three instruments and listen to radio 4!

I meet a friend who lives closest to me a couple of times a month but might only see my other friends three/four times a year.

yet another here! i HAVE to have time alone in order to be kind, patient and sympathetic to my kids. i used to feel guilty, but now i recognise it as a need that makes me a better person for my family.

i have the perfect excuse too: work. i have to work alone. so when it's getting too much i ask dh to take the kids for a couple of hours so i can get some work done. and i feel so much better off but i only need to do that during school holidays. school holidays are really tough, i love term time. i honestly don't think i've ever felt lonely.

MoustacheofRonSwanson i think i would really benefit from meditation but i don't know where to start. any tips / books that you would recommend for how to do it? i've set an alarm clock for 10 mins and just tried to clear my mind but it's really hard! i keep finding myself doing lists.

We should all go and live here www.nationaltrust.org.uk/mount-grace-priory/ - it looks brilliant. Each monk had his own cell with a little garden and books...meals delivered through a hatch. I think they could socialise sometimes with the other monks but didn't have to... Bliss.

Hate parties. I can manage winter evening socialising a lot better than summer socialising!

I actually prefer the short days of winter - pyjamas on at 5pm, no chance of anyone seeing me/knocking on the door.

Hate parties too, don't mind dinner for four, don't like bigger groups than four!

Introvert here. I cope well with people one at a time. More than that and I feel like I am observing a social experiment. I rationalise that the people I spend my time with feel valued because they get 100% of me (lucky them!)

Oddly my boss has an issue with me meeting my staff one at a time - he's an extrovert, loves an audience (no surprises there), but it works for me.

I'm not shy but I am an introvert. I'm from a really big family and I like socialising and love time alone.

I find myself very impatient with Alpha types, especially at work. We all have strong opinions, we don't all need to validate them by showcasing them. The loudest opinions aren't the best. I like my colleagues but need to work from home to recharge.

At home I get up earlier than everyone else. DH and I both take ds out separately so we get time to ourselves.

I think a lot of my internet faffing/procrastinating is unwinding/recharging. "Socialising" on a forum is much less draining than IRL!

My job is quite people-contact heavy, and most of the time that's fine as our communication and roles are quite defined, but on a busy day it gets much more chaotic and I find it far more difficult to handle.

I quite like parties etc, with people I know, where I know they're not going to go on for hours and hours. If I'm even a tiny bit tired though, then my mingling skills go down the drain!

I score really highly on every introvert test I've taken but I still find these kind of threads irritating. Surely most people of average intelligence can engineer some time to themselves every day - I know I can, and I'm no brainiac! There's nothing special about being an introvert. I think most people I know would probably identify as one.

also, the world is definitely not being increasingly engineered towards extroversion. You only have to cast the most cursory glance around you in any public space, to see people being drawn away from their real life surroundings towards the escape of the little screens they carry with them.

I'm another sociable introvert. I love doing things and seeing people but being around others for too long gives me a panic attack and I have to get away from the world.

Very much disagree that the world is geared to extroverts though. I think the majority of people are quite private, reserved and introverted to be honest. Coffee shops are always full of people on their own. Millions of people go running, to the gym, for a walk, shopping etc on their own. There are dozens of solo hobbies. Many people who want more of a social life can't find one because everyone is happy living their own lives.

Hmm I've always been an extrovert, seeing family and friends a lot and I love a good party but as I'm getting older I've noticed I still enjoy being sociable but I just love having time on my own too and could quite happily occupy myself - I'm never bored.
Can people change from one extreme to the other with age?