To ask how if you're an introvert, and if so how do you recharge you're batteries?

[EmeraldThief]

I'm an introvert (obviously). I find lots of socialising and large groups of people really draining. I don't dislike socialising or people, but I have a limit and when I reach it I become grumpy, snappy and just want to run away and be on my own for a bit.

I find that we live in a world that's increasingly biased towards extroverts and introverts are considered odd/weird/anti social/strange. I love nothing more than going for a stroll on my own or going to a cafe and sitting and watching the world go by. Others find this really odd for some reason, I don't know why? "What, you went shopping on your own?" Yes, why the hell not?

How do you recharge you're batteries and how do you deal with the discrimination against introverts?

Introvert here. I don't feel discriminated against as everyone who knows me knows I sometimes just go into purdah. Can't bear parties. And need a break after an hour or so of socialising. It drains me more than a day at work.

The only problem I have atm is working FT and being a single parent to two chatty DCs. I have no downtime. One of them doesn't go to bed till 10 so my "sit on the sofa and stare straight ahead" time is compromised. We've got into a habit where we sit together in my bed and each read our own books - although I do sometimes have to tell her that she's only allowed to be me with me at that time of night on condition that she doesn't talk.

I have only just realised how much of an introvert I am, as are most of my friends. DH is too and it's wonderful at home when we have the place to ourselves as we will both live in bed and read or I will be having a bath while he reads the papers downstairs. The only spanner is that my very extroverted sister has been living with us for several months now. I'm glad to be helping her out, but holy crap those weekends when she's out of town are pure bliss! Can't wait to have DC's and never have to leave the flat if I don't fancy it!

I am very clear with people about being an introvert and firm when I need to get away and recharge. Will say politely but firmly 'I'm heading home now' (or equivalent). Once you have done that a few times and people have got used to it the resistance tends to decrease :)

I'm an introvert but I find it comforting to have lots of people around as long as I don't have to interact with them . I live in London and love being in a busy city (could never move to an isolated rural place) but doing my own thing on my own. My absolute favourite activity if I get a day at home when the kids are at school is to go to the cinema during the day on my own. I've occasionally mentioned casually to people about this habit and been treated like a weirdo!

OP, I think you are mixing with the wrong crowd. I would describe myself as a friendly introvert because I can talk to anyone, but need time alone to recharge the batteries. I frequently shop alone and quite often have a coffee and a cake and a good book all by myself. Maybe others do find this odd, but no one has been rude enough to say so.

My husband works from home a lot these days and I've just realised that I get much more done when he isn't there and feel far more energised. I need time alone and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I have just been on a two-day work event. I have been really keen and sociable throughout, but have now reached my limit, and engaged in complex taxi manoeuvres to ensure that I didn't have to sit with colleagues on the train home...

Some very interesting comments here, and nice to see other like minded people!

I think "the system" definitely favours extroverts. Eveything these days is geared towards them. It wasn't always the case, in Victorian times for example extroversion was frowned upon. I wish we could go back to those days!

I can absolutely relate to the things written here. I find large social gatherings hard work a lot of the time. My idea of a great night is feet up glass of wine and my book. If only I had the time I too would go to a cafe alone, I'm planning a spa day alone in the summer...bliss! I think I sometimes come across as grumpy to others, especially when we have people to stay for a weekend. I have to take myself off at some point on my own, it just all gets a bit much. I agree there is an expectation that we should all aspire to be extroverted.

Biggest thing ever for me was taking up meditation. It really, really helps me recharge.

Agree that the books "Quiet" and "Highly Sensitive Person" help a lot in understanding this.

I have at least one day a month I don't go out at all, and I interact only with DH.

Getting enough sleep really helps too (not just a standard 7/8 hours, but working out how much sleep you as an individual actually need and sticking to it).

I also found that, in as far as is possible, it has helped to be clear about when I see people, who I regularly come away from feeling energised or happy, and who I come away from feeling drained or unhappy. Making my social life correspond round that has really helped.

I do like people, and find them interesting, but it has to be in small doses and when I am in the right physical and mental state to socialise.

Agree with you nickEcave about living in a big city. That suits me perfectly - I think because you get the buzz of activity but nobody actually wants to talk to you! I find it really unnerving when people in shops in country villages stop and talk . I can actually do the friendly chatty thing but it costs me a lot of energy and I'd rather be anonymous. Polite and nice but anonymous.

I have a wide social circle. I am seen as extrovert and lively but, as someone up thread said, when referring to their daughter, all that has to be paid for with time alone.

I make sure that there is at least two days a week when I can be my self and as for going shopping with any body.........that is not going to happen any time soon.

I love shopping by myself..my own pace...no-one's opinion but mine on what I purchase. I would go to some lengths, lie even, to get out of a shopping trip with a friend.

I'm the same and I think it took me years and years to realise. Or I've become more and more introverted as I've got older???

I often feel weird because I don't have friends like everyone else does. Or at least not in the same way. I used to think I was just rubbish at staying in touch with people but I now realise it's because I'm so happy with my own company I tend not to need to socialise. I'm very creative which I think isolates me too. The things I really enjoy doing tend to be solitary activities.

When a couple of work colleagues told me that they hate their own company I was baffled! I'm so relieved I can be with myself without freaking out.

I do like people and I can be quite extrovert and loud when I'm in the mood but I mostly, more and more crave solitude.

I love nothing more than long dog walks where we see no one
Exactly. No just no talking, but no seeing of other people.

I like people a lot, so it took me a long time to realise how introverted I am. I really enjoy the school holidays but also love the first day of term when all DC are packed off out of the door and I have the house to myself.

Hello fellow sociable introverts! You're all describing exactly how I am.. how wonderful.

I do really love spending time with friends but, like you say, it all starts to get too much after a few hours. We've a great bunch of women where I work and we all go away for an annual citybreak - they all now know I will need to take myself off for a couple of hours aimless wandering/looking round a museum at some point, and have no issue with it.

My friends who I've known for much longer have a harder time with it, ironically. (is that irony? probably not ). I've had a falling-out recently with a close friend about a 3-day celebration weekend when I was not the life and soul of the party 24/7 as was inexplicably expected.

I might get that Quiet book! thanks for the link.

I'm a lifelong introvert. When I met my DH, he thought I was really at ease in a crowd and chatting, always good at work events etc. Now he knows me, and thinks it's weird how I can seem so cheerful and outgoing whilst feeling the exact opposite.

Like others, I feel utterly drained around some people - many times I've had to sit alone for an hour or two just 'getting over' being in someone's company. My best friend is an absolute extrovert, and finds her energy is recharged by being around people, which is the opposite of me. However, we are very close despite being so different, and she is one of the few people who I find it energising to be around.

It has taken me three decades to accept being an introvert. I now feel perfectly at peace with it. I understand myself better and I'm no longer interested in pretending to be something I'm not. I'd move us all to a remote island and watch vegetables grow if I could

I do some gardening, look after my pets, go on MN the Internet and crotchet.

I am so introverted that I can only cope with having interaction with dh and the two dcs. I manage to work part time, but don't even like seeing other people on the street.

I guess if I didn't have dh and the dcs ID be a hermit.

Sociable introvert here too - that describes me totally. I enjoy a night out with friends, but greatly prefer a long 'proper' chat with one person than lots of small-talky mingling, yikes. But even with my closest friend, after a couple of hours I need to find an excuse to go away and just be by myself for a few minutes. I'm getting worse as I get older!

hiddenhome, I'm v like you. Before we had the dc, we looked at moving to a remote Scottish island with a tiny population of under 20. DH was offered a job there. We ended up staying here because we were planning dc and wanted them to be near family while small. Luckily at that time we lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere. You could see nothing but fields in every direction and I was so at peace. There was me and dd during the day, dh in the evenings and I could happily go weeks without talking to another soul. Our respective families visited regularly but it was planned well in advance. We had to move so dd could start school and live in a small market town atm. I dislike moving through people and chaos every day. I feel very compromised by it, like they're encroaching. I don't like noise either unless it's of my choosing. The dc know that when they're off at university we'll be moving back to the middle of nowhere.

Interestingly, I am verbose. If I am in company with people I like, I will talk happily and at length. Also, I speak for hours at a time to my Dad who is also extremely introverted. He is my kindred spirit. I also like to send long emails and I talk on MN very readily indeed. MN suits me brilliantly. I can share something, some human experience and interaction without giving away the bit of me I have to offer face to face.

One of dh's friends is moving to our area from about 80 miles away. He has a partner and they don't know anyone else in our area apart from us. I'm actually terrified that I'm going to be expected to be 'girly friends' with this lady. She's very nice, but I just don't do social interaction

Grantaire, I think that social media and online interaction is the perfect vehicle for introverts like me. Chatting to people on Facebook is my favourite way of interacting with most of them!

A remote Scottish island sounds great Grantaire

MN is the only social interaction I can cope with as well.

Funnily enough, I'm like a different person at work. I come across as very outgoing and I don't mind chatting to people. It's almost as though a different part of my brain is activated when I put my work uniform on.

I've found my people.

Agree with the getting enough sleep for you - prior to DS I loved nothing more than a nap during afternoon at wkends.

Exercise - spin class.

Reading. Mumsnetting.

I hate having people over who don't know when to leave - all too common now that DS is here.

Oh heck SAS - people who won't leave. They give me the fear.

I love the idea of living in the middle of nowhere! Nothing but fields and the sounds of birds singing!

Hand up here as a socialble introvert. I live seeing my friends and having a chat but I struggle to spend long periods of time with other people without a break.

I go on 3 day study weekends at the mo and by the middle of the 2nd day I disappear outside on my own at every opportunity while everyone else is chatting away through coffee and lunch breaks. Coming home I actually hid at the train station to avoid having to sit with someone who I knew would talk the whole journey back.

Mostly I recharge at home by reading, surfing mumsnet etc, going for walks and shopping on my own. I've recently got Fridays to myself while DS is at school and I always go for a coffee and people watch on my own