To ask how if you're an introvert, and if so how do you recharge you're batteries?

[EmeraldThief]

I'm an introvert (obviously). I find lots of socialising and large groups of people really draining. I don't dislike socialising or people, but I have a limit and when I reach it I become grumpy, snappy and just want to run away and be on my own for a bit.

I find that we live in a world that's increasingly biased towards extroverts and introverts are considered odd/weird/anti social/strange. I love nothing more than going for a stroll on my own or going to a cafe and sitting and watching the world go by. Others find this really odd for some reason, I don't know why? "What, you went shopping on your own?" Yes, why the hell not?

How do you recharge you're batteries and how do you deal with the discrimination against introverts?

30 mins in the car on the way to work, 45 mins on the way home. Just me. Bliss !

I'm an introvert. I have always been told that at some point I will 'relax and come out of my shell'
It's taken me until almost 30 to work out I'm just an introvert and that's fine.
My favourite way to recharge is to be home alone, do some pottering (ideally laundry and pairing up socks), cooking and reading in the bath (and mn-ing)!

I definately think the system is geared towards extroverts. I'm actually struggling to get promoted in my work place because, and I quote "although you are very capable, we need to feel we know the real you and you are too professional, we feel as though you never put your guard down"
It's bloody awful. I'm not overly confident but I think I would be very good at the job I'm shooting for, but my workplace prioritises personality and attitude over capability. My being an introvert is holding me back and it is so frustrating. I've tried being more outgoing but it's not natural and just doesn't suit me.

Ash, italics fail

I'm an introvert, score highly on any test I've done. I've shuffled my work out of the home days, so my at home days don't all coincide with DH's work at home days, mainly so I have some time completely on my own in the week, and I look forward to that time.

At work I go into "work mode", working with people, phoning, talking, etc, and I don't think anyone realises how hard that is, and what I'm really like. I finally have an office to myself and its bliss!

I've never liked just "going out" and have always hated "you'll like it when you get there / you'll be fine".

I love being alone. My fave thing is to go to a cafe and sit on my own and look out of the window, people watch or read the paper. I like shopping alone too, and exercising alone.

After a while in a big group I feel claustrophobic and need to escape. I do have a lot of friends through and love talking to people but I do tend to keep socialising to work time. Anything else feels like too much effort!

Damon it I posted on the wrong thread. Sorry!

I am an introvert and it have no problems with it. I just love my own company and regularly have to have time alone to recharge- I often go to bed at 8pm just to have some quiet time to read etc to myself. Luckily my husband is very similar. We have full on, full-of-people days, so we're aware we both need a bit of alone time. I am 100% not shy though and shyness shouldn't be confused with introversion.

Weddings are my total nightmare! Especially ones that start at 12pm or something and carry on to the late evening- having no space to recharge or not be surrounded by people where you have to be fully 'on' is very, very draining. I often need a full day to recover!

I would say the world is biased towards extroverts though. Just because so many people are in cafes alone or on their phones says nothing whatsoever about introversion/ extroversion. People are constantly being told to put themselves out there and introverts are constantly being told to change themselves into a more extroverted way of living, rather than the other way around.

Extroversion is constantly valued over introversion in the workplace and I find that very annoying. Group work, role playing, constant after work socialising, open plan offices, people just getting noticed for being louder with their opinions- all of this is often valued more than the person who works better alone. If you're not seen as a 'team player' you're often judged as anti social and not committed. I love working for myself now- although I still see many people during every day I don't need to perform either just to be seen to fit in- it's very liberating.

I love this thread!

I am another social introvert. I guess I am lucky as rather than have people think I am a bit strange most people have commented on my alone escapades in a positive way, saying they wish they were brave enough. Example is when I go away with work. Most of the time it is with a few other people and you end up being around people from the moment you get to the train station/airport until you to sleep. I find that really draining. My trick is to deliberately get up nice and early and have a nice long walk and explore before anyone else even gets up. I am often told "oh I wouldn't be brave enough to go off alone in another country" but it is my idea of bliss. Lets me recharge before another day of people people people.

I find early morning are an introverts friend!

Agree with Findogask in finding these threads irritating. Almost everyone needs some regular quiet/alone time in their lives, and it's not that hard to get it, it's really not. I mean, many of anecdotes from introverts on here are things like: have a shower, walk the dog, read a book. Those are normal, everyday activities, that millions of people do and enjoy the opportunity for some downtime. They don't confer some kind of special magical introvert status.

Plus, there is often a tendency on these threads to imply (or explicitly state) that those whom they consider extroverts, are awful, raucous insensitive boors, whereas thoughtful artistic sensitivity is reserved for special snowflake introverts. This is super annoying.

I have no idea why folk make such a song and dance about needing some quiet time to recharge.

If I I find something irritating I prefer to hit the back button rather than posting something that isn't terribly generous, no need for it really tbh.

Yes, that's the entire premise of AIBU, isn't it? Don't comment unless you agree.

Well said - back button is there for a reason just like the car brake but some don't think and just rush ahead regardless of others.

I think that people 'make a song and dance' about it is that society is geared against introverts, as many people on this thread are aware.
It's been lovely to read about so many other people who feel like me. It's taken me decades to realise that it's ok to be like this.

Another sociable introvert here. Maureen it's not that it's hard to get quiet time - it's that some people find the self-imposed exile (as some call it) strange or even hurtful. Example: I commute somewhere once a week and treasure that journey time to sit and read. A friend recently offered me a lift as she was going to the same place and it was really hard to get out of. And sometimes I dont want to tell people what I'm doing in case they try to come along (eg shopping). I adore my friends and have a wide social circle but need a lot of space too.

DH is also an introvert, and we both need a similar amount of time to just 'be'.

I always thought of myself as an extrovert, I would be the first to arrive and the last to leave a party, but I would help set up and clean up after, I have always been comfortable conversing with people in a room full of strangers I don't feel awkward at all, But being the centre of attention makes me uncomfortable,I preferred to go to other peoples houses so I could leave when I was ready, at many a gathering I could be found entertaining the kids and I remember that I used to go for long long walks alone, ever since I was in primary school, as I got older I used to go horse riding with my sister and friends on weekends but I much preferred to go alone,I would spend days beside the fire when it was raining with a fat book and a good supply of coffee, when I was upset from arguments with my husband I would cool off by going for long walks with the dog, he hated t, I needed it, with 4 kids the opportunity for long walks were few and far between but I loved to walk if It would take less than an hour I would walk every where, now that I can't walk and had to give up swimming too the thing I miss the most? long solitary walks on the beach.

Emerald I am exactly like you. I find I get a bit twitchy if I don't have enough time alone and I hate to do things like shopping with friends - can't think of anything worse!

I am very chatty when I am with my friends and I'm not shy with new people at all but I just find I burn out very quickly. At big parties I often sneak off unnoticed for half an hour's peace somewhere!

I am an introvert, always have been always will be. I hate busy bustling placed and crave time to myself even if it's just an hour upstairs with my kindle. I have friends who I get together with but thankfully they are also introverts. Many people would say we're boring but we are perfectly content thank you.

You sound just like me as well Callie! I am happy to have small groups of friends to my house and I often have dinner parties, but I have a larger group of friends who always do everything together and it's harder to split them up into manageable smaller groups. I am long overdue to be the one to throw a party or a barbecue but the thought of 12 of them all still sitting there making a racket long after I wanted to take to my bed and be alone horrifies me.

I absolutely HATE being the centre of attention. Really hate it. And yet I know I come across as socially confident and in many respects I am.

Social introvert here too.

My favourite is when I go swimming once a week. Just me, don't have to talk to anyone, bliiiiiss!

I've found it really hard planning our wedding. Dp is more of an extrovert, and his parents wanted us to have this big wedding where lots of people were invited. We've managed to keep it to 30, but I would have loved it if it was half that! Hate being the centre of attention!

I'm an introvert with good social skills.

The hardest part of becoming a parent for me was the forced socialising. I've got used to it but need to unwind with some quality me time. A long walk or a good book in the evening, peace and quiet.

I am no longer ashamed to be an introvert. I am not bitchy or gossipy and I am always there when people really need me, just not if they want a good gossip.

so glad to read all these messages!
It took for me to be well into my 30's to accept myself. Before that ( and still sometimes now ) I used to think it was something I would have to force myself out of in order to be properly balanced.
I used to call the "recharging " time " to find myself again", as being around people drains me, it sucks the life out of me. I have loyal friends, wonderful work colleagues but more often that not, I will find an excuse to avoid informal lunches together. I like nothing better that planning my lunch hour wandering around London's West End on my own, in my bubble. If somebody invites me to an evening out or a party, my very first thought has always been " how can I get out of this?"
If I do socialise I love it and it makes me feel all warm and complete and happy but I need to compensate by solitude afterwards. Lots of it. It's not celebrated culturally, being social and gregarious seems to be the normal way, but it's agony for me in high doses.
So glad to see I'm far from alone.....

I'm an introvert, dh is an introvert and I think ds (almost 3) will probably be one too, but then again he's only a tot, who knows what he'll be like at 5, 10, 15...
I find it really annoying when relatives say things like, "it's nice to see minicaramel coming out of his shell" at fairly rare family gatherings with (what feels like) a million and one people talking at once. fgs, I'd cling on to dh and bury my face in his shoulder if I could get away with it!

I really enjoyed living in Switzerland (alone) when I was younger. I didn't speak much French at first and the peaceful anonymity of a city where small talk was difficult was lovely!

Yeeeeeeeees! I completely agree with this! I've not read the other posts but like OP I have to be alone after a lot of social interaction, I have a limit and once it's reached I feel really suffocated. Like OP, I feel we overly value extroverts now & what I find particularly hard is there's lots of pressure on your children to be super-social as well (play dates play dates play dates!) and if you aren't socialising your kids all the time then you're somehow letting them down or turning them into social outcasts. But anyway I love to go to the cinema on my own (which people seem to find really odd), lunch out on my own with a good book, spa day on my own (surrounded by hen dos or people in pairs :/)