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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to this friend again?

203 replies

ArgyMargy · 15/04/2015 22:31

She has just outed herself on Facebook as a UKIP supporter. I always knew she was a bit racist but she lives in a backwater. What the hell do I do now?! Should I just never speak to her again?

OP posts:
rebelfor · 15/04/2015 23:09

YABU. If you call her a friend you've obviously got some things in common to form a friendship? Unless she's vitriolic in her racist views, I wouldn't unfriend somebody who had different political views, I'd just disagree with them.

DirtyDancing · 15/04/2015 23:09

"I aways knew she was a bit racist.. But she lives in the bsck water"

Are you bring seruous? What a totally ridiculous comment. There is no bit racist. And location is no excuse for racism either. She is racist full stop, and if you've put up her 'bit of racism' and not challenged her before now you're a coward

DirtyDancing · 15/04/2015 23:11

Too many typos as I'm so incensed!

deadduck · 15/04/2015 23:15

Tricky. I think YANBU. I could not bring myself to be friends with a UKIP supporter. Now that it's election time, I wish more than ever people would stop posting their views on Facebook. It makes it so hard to put one's head in the sand.

Bodicea · 15/04/2015 23:17

Don't think all ukip voters are racists. That is a rather sweeping statement. They have just fallen for their very good campaign and personable, charismatic leader. There are are some things he says that chime with a lot of people. You can be, for instance, in favour controlled immigration or wish to exit Europe and not be a racist.

Bodicea · 15/04/2015 23:18

I might add I would never vote ukip. I think that they are very clever though and are playing down their more extreme aspects in their campaign.

TywysogesGymraeg · 15/04/2015 23:23

I'm not sure if I'm a UKIP voter or not - haven't made my mind up. But I am most definitely NOT racist in any way whatsoever. I do, however, prefer to be understood when I speak English in the UK. That dies not make me racist.

MadgeMak · 15/04/2015 23:29

Maybe it's you that speaks funny.

Bowlersarm · 15/04/2015 23:34

Yabu. A friend will be voting in the General election. And now you don't want to be friends with her. How very odd.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 15/04/2015 23:34

I wouldn't speak to her again if she's vindictively racist, or wants to vote BNP. Give her the benefit of the doubt if she's just a bit ignorant but there's no malice. And ask why she wants to vote UKIP, I do think people can vote UKIP without being racist. And no I'm not a supporter...

FastWindow · 15/04/2015 23:35

I'm going to vote ukip because I think mat leave should be six weeks tops and abortion limit should be 12 weeks. Oh wait. No I won't.

Farage won't advertise those views.

UncertainSmile · 15/04/2015 23:38

I have friends who support UKIP, I'll take the piss but I won't fall out with them about it. It's strange how being a Tory is deemed acceptable, but being a Kipper is beyond the pale. The fact that Farage is having cosy chats with the Tories shows how similar they are.

GloGirl · 15/04/2015 23:40

I think that UKIP is a racist political party. I think a lot of people voting for them are not racist, just deluded.

Not sure whether I could be friends with someone I had such little respect for - if she isn't racist she must be completely thick, and not in an endearing way.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 15/04/2015 23:42

If you look on political compass, UKIP is very close to Conservative party, BNP is very close to Nazis. I know EDL has roots in football hooliganism (admittedly not a political party), BNP in Fascism, but thought UKIP is more like Tory extremists? Although happy to be set straight!

Purplepoodle · 15/04/2015 23:42

Lots of people are voting ukip where I come from as they think the party is looking after British interests. There's high unemployment and people are always looking for someone to blame and ukip provides ammunition.

How many people don't look at all if the policy's just pick up on one of ukips lines. Where I live now political views are very polarised, people try to appreciate each other's views.

senrensareta · 15/04/2015 23:43

YABU. She is entitled to hold different beliefs to yours and it is arrogant of you to assume that your belief is totally right and hers is so wrong she is not worth speaking to. If you think like that, not speaking might be a blessing to her!

By the way, I live in a backwater, I am not racist and am not aware of my backwater-dwelling friends and neighbours being racist either, there is no link at all between these statements

UncertainSmile · 15/04/2015 23:45

UKIP would say that they are Libertarian, and that the BNP are authoritarian in nature. Britain First and other far right dregs have advised their supporters to support UKIP however.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/04/2015 23:45

Is your friend quite elderly, and has she always lived somewhere with very few non-white people? Someone in that situation might well be 'a bit racist' in that s/he says crass, ill-informed, bigoted things about [insert perjorative term or specific ethnic group name here] but, should s/he encounter someone non-white or who doesn't speak much English, would be civil or even friendly to that person yes, I am remembering one or two of my elderly relatives talking about 'darkies' 20 years ago.

You say you've always known she had slightly racist views, but that didn't stop you being friends with her, so she obviously either confined herself to uninformed but relatively harmless bigotry, or had a lot of other good qualities that made you want to maintain the friendship. Why is having chosen to vote for a party run by a clever, unscrupulous conman with a lot of superficial charm somehow suddenly much worse? A lot of harmless-but-unthinking people are taken in by Farage. Just like a lot of fairly harmless individuals who simply don't use their brains believe that Jeremy Clarkson was sacked because of a wicked commie/feminist/anti-British conspiracy rather than for bog-standard gross misconduct ie punching a co-worker...

softlysoftly · 15/04/2015 23:48

I reckon my dad is going to vote them as a protest vote. Though he says anyone notina safe seat who votes them is nuts (his is Ed Milliband so about as safe as you can get!)

He's not racist as shown by his adoration of my mixed race DCs (despite being from a backwater Hmm)

Thing is on the very surface they have popularist policies, to decry people voting for them is just going to entrech them.

Far better to challenge them and present the true facts!

TywysogesGymraeg · 15/04/2015 23:50

Could be my Welsh accent Madge!

UncertainSmile · 15/04/2015 23:53

The rise of UKIP interests me; they seem like a coalition of Thatcherites, conspiracy crackpots, and those who feel disenfranchised and frightened by how Britain has changed over the past few decades. I certainly don't like them, but it would be great if they split the right wing vote at the GE. My big fear is a Tory/UKIP coalition.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 16/04/2015 00:07

It's her vote! She can use it how she damn well pleases!

limitedperiodonly · 16/04/2015 00:18

She's outed herself? Brazen bit of a racist cow.

I'd suggest you going after her with burning torches but I suspect you'd be outnumbered in her backwater

The best thing you could do is defriend her and tut loudly at school pick up.

With any luck she won't want to speak to you either.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 16/04/2015 00:49

My family are voting UKIP. I shall not be because Nigel Farage is a self serving twat.

FredSaid · 16/04/2015 01:32

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