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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBM to not let ds2 4 wear his Elsa dress out anymore due to twattish sniggering parents

610 replies

NellysKnickers · 13/04/2015 16:00

Ds2s hero is Elsa. He loves her and Frozen. He also loves mud, dinosaurs, trains and his bike. He wore his Elsa dress to pick up ds1 from school today. I'm shocked by the amount of parents giggling and pointing, I expected a bit from kids who dont know any better but adults? ?? I'm torn between being upset and wanting to pinch them in the face ( obviously I would never do this in reality) Why is it that people think it's ok to laugh at someone a little bit different, Dh just says they are a bit thick!

OP posts:
oddfodd · 13/04/2015 19:18

Beautifully put Devora :)

Woozlebear · 13/04/2015 19:19

Ok I haven't read the full thread and sorry if someone has already said this but I have reached boiling point with all the responses I have read so far going 'ugh I find it distasteful' and 'duh what did you expect op' and - my particular favourites - the people who said op should work on not caring so much what other people think, and that people like her do it deliberately to get a reaction.

Please just fuck off. Why don't you work on not being so narrow minded and judgy? Why do you care so much about other people's appearance that you think they should modify it to create the right reaction from you? Why is the onus and blame on the person creating the reaction rather than the reactor?

Jeez, I'm moving out of London soon and really hope I don't move to any of these places so ominously referred to where this sort of thing would raise a few eyebrows.

Christ on a bicycle.

Devora · 13/04/2015 19:19

I'm old enough to remember when it was 'normal' to say that black and white people shouldn't have children together. They'd say: "I don't mind what they do in their own beds, but they shouldn't drag children into it. It's not fair to them; they don't fit in anywhere". I remember it well because I come from a racially mixed family.

I'm also old enough to remember when stigma against single parents was truly terrible - far worse than it is now. When we were born, many well-meaning people tried to persuade my mum to give us up for adoption. When I was a teenager we moved from our council flat into a house, and the neighbours got together a petition to the Council to get us out on the grounds that my mum must be a prostitute. They called us bastards.

Nowadays, 'normal' people don't think it's ok to express stigma against mixed race children or fatherless children. Not that long ago, they did. And those trendy types were experimented with cross-racial relationships and having children out of wedlock were sneered at as being poseurs who put their own partying and posturing ahead of the needs of their children.

It's not that I don't see that some parents are a bit up themselves and enjoy creating a bit of drama by calling their children Boudicca or whatever (though I absolutely don't see the OP in that camp). I'm just suggesting that even if it pushes your own buttons a bit, worth thinking through that there might be some benefit as well?

BigRedBall · 13/04/2015 19:23

What do you want? A medal? Hmm

My dd is 7 and likes dolls and girly clothes. My ds is 3 and likes dinosaurs and fireman Sam. I don't need to prove a point to other parents by letting them dress differently when we go out. Ds sometimes dresses in dd's little red riding hood dress. Doesnt mean I'd let him go out like that!

But I guess everyone who doesn't agree with you is thick.

takemeuptheeiffeltower · 13/04/2015 19:23

It would be interested to know what most Fathers think about their sons dressing up in girl's frocks.
Are they really OK with it?

We hear from the mothers' points of view on MN, but it would be interesting to know how it feels from a father's point of view.
Do they go along with what their wives want for the sake of the peace? but are secretly a bit embarrassed and uncomfortable that it's their son wearing a dress AND out in public
Or are most of them OK with it?

It doesn't bother me one way or the other, but I suspect my husband would be a bit uncomfortable with his son wearing a dress. I must ask him Hmm
It would never be an issue with us, because our son has never expressed a wish to wear a dress.

SingingHinnies · 13/04/2015 19:24

My friends son loves frozen and wanted some Olaf trainers but there are non, i think they have missed a trick as there is nothing really for boys compared to the mass of merchandise there is for girls, plenty of boys like Frozen.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 13/04/2015 19:25

You're suggesting that the OP uses her preschooler as a tool to singlehandedly take on the crisis in men's mental health?

No just her own sons, by raising a boy who can have a myriad of emotions like any girl is raised to do, and hopefully stop him wanting to kill himself aged 40. Smile ( PA smile <

FromSeaToShining · 13/04/2015 19:29

Excellent posts, Devora.

It is odd that some people believe that a little boy in dress-up gear should expect ridicule. Gender roles and expectations tend to be quite rigid these days (sadly), but pointing and laughing at a child? Any adult who behaves that way should be ashamed of him/herself. And how sad that people think a child should simply accept that he will encounter such rudeness if he chooses to wear something that society has deemed For Girls Only.

SantanaLopez · 13/04/2015 19:32

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CrystalCove · 13/04/2015 19:33

Has anyone told the scots men can't wear skirts yet?

Kilts aren't skirts Biscuit

ICanSmellSummerComing · 13/04/2015 19:34

Ds sometimes dresses in dd's little red riding hood dress. Doesnt mean I'd let him go out like that!

why on earth not?

OnlyLovers · 13/04/2015 19:34

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OnlyLovers · 13/04/2015 19:36

He'll just want to kill himself aged 11 when he's still remembered for wearing the dress

What a cruel and foul post. What the hell kind of person are you for saying that? And what the hell kind of place do people live where a child will be remembered, negatively, for years for wearing a dress when he was a pre-schooler?

ICanSmellSummerComing · 13/04/2015 19:36

He'll just want to kill himself aged 11 when he's still remembered for wearing the dress

what a horrible society, that would remember and tease a boy aged 11 for wearing a dress as a young boy, shameful.

We should all hang our heads in shame at that suggestion.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/04/2015 19:38

OnlyLovers... 'fucktards'? Really, you're going to use that? Who do you think you are exactly?

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 13/04/2015 19:39

I'm really confused by the people whose minds are blown by the concept of preschoolers wearing fancy dress on the school run . I live in a really non-diverse small northern town in a not particularly middle class area and the playground is full of miniature Buzz Lightyears, Spider-Men, Ninja Turtles and Disney princesses. Kids just love wearing them. No one reacts negatively. I haven't seen any boys in dresses but I really can't imagine people actually sneering at a 4yo. Fancy dress on small kids certainly isn't 'alternative' here, it sounds depressing that it would be considered odd for young children to dress up anywhere, regardless of the gender issue.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 13/04/2015 19:39

It would be interested to know what most Fathers think about their sons dressing up in girl's frocks

I would have never gone near a man who thought masculinity was stripped by wearing a dress. Thankfully my Dh would not care less.

Sootgremlin · 13/04/2015 19:40

Well, I know what's revolting on this thread, and it ain't the boys in dresses.

OnlyLovers · 13/04/2015 19:40

Ah, I thought someone might jump on me for that.

OnlyLovers · 13/04/2015 19:41

It would be interested to know what most Fathers think about their sons dressing up in girl's frocks

I forgot to comment on this. But I agree totally with ICan.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 13/04/2015 19:42

Fancy dress on small kids certainly isn't 'alternative' here, it sounds depressing that it would be considered odd for young children to dress up anywhere, regardless of the gender issue

^ soul crushingly so. But I adore Drama, the arts, being creative, I have loads of dressing up clothes for them.

Whathaveilost · 13/04/2015 19:43

these things are remembered for a long time" where you live sounds super creepy TBH WhathaveIlost

Yeah, it can be, especially when things that you don't see every day!

When I used the word alternative it was because I couldn't think of the right word at the time.

Whathaveilost, I AM the 'alternative mum'. We have no choice but to be the alternative family, unless you think (as many do) that gay people shouldn't choose to have children, or that black and white people shouldn't make a family together, or that children shouldn't be adopted

I didn't say they were my views. I said that children wouldn't go to the school gates in fancy dress but if the OP wants that well carry on.

Personally at this stage in my life I couldn't give a shit tbh.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 13/04/2015 19:43

As I've said, my son doesn't wear dresses but my husband has never been fazed by carrying the hot pink yummy mummy changing bag I was given so I'm guessing he wouldn't be bothered if DS did ask to dress as Elsa. It's just wouldn't be a big deal.

SantanaLopez · 13/04/2015 19:43

what a horrible society, that would remember and tease a boy aged 11 for wearing a dress as a young boy, shameful.

Yep, so why lead him to it like a lamb to the slaughter?

ICanSmellSummerComing · 13/04/2015 19:46

Santana no one would remember and tease where I am, I would NEVER live in such a place.