Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBM to not let ds2 4 wear his Elsa dress out anymore due to twattish sniggering parents

610 replies

NellysKnickers · 13/04/2015 16:00

Ds2s hero is Elsa. He loves her and Frozen. He also loves mud, dinosaurs, trains and his bike. He wore his Elsa dress to pick up ds1 from school today. I'm shocked by the amount of parents giggling and pointing, I expected a bit from kids who dont know any better but adults? ?? I'm torn between being upset and wanting to pinch them in the face ( obviously I would never do this in reality) Why is it that people think it's ok to laugh at someone a little bit different, Dh just says they are a bit thick!

OP posts:
Devora · 13/04/2015 19:46

Let's remember that there is not a clear dividing line between 'things your child has every right to do and the world has to deal with it' and 'things the world isn't ready to let go of and you need to teach your child how to adapt to that'. It's a continuum, surely?

At one end, most of us teach our children ways to behave and self-present that are all about making themselves acceptable to society. I tell my 5yo that she can't waggle her bare bottom in public. Not because there's anything intrinsically wrong with that, just because it's not considered polite and my job as her mum is to teach her how to find her fit with the world.

At the other end, small children are quite fond of telling all and sundry that they have two mothers, I have found. There are times when I could really live without that, times when I as a childless lesbian would definitely have chosen not to frighten the horses. But there is no way I'm going to teach my child that her family is something shameful or secret, so my focus is entirely on teaching her how to handle these encounters, not on telling her she can't have them.

Clearly some posters feel that boys in dresses belong more to the bum-waggling end of the continuum. Others feel that it's further down at the other end, that we should not be suggesting to our boys in any way that dressing in girls' clothes is shameful. And clearly we are here talking about boys who just enjoy sparkly dresses, as IME many do. But can I just ask those posters who think that parents who allow this are damaging their children: what would be your feeling if this was a child who was expressing a strong belief that he was in fact a girl - or should be? If the child was showing early signs of being transgender?

Sootgremlin · 13/04/2015 19:46

Me too, jellydinosaurs, I live in rural area nowhere near London and all the little kids go on the school run in their dressing up clothes. It's perfectly safe as long as they don't encounter a naked flame on the way. Counting my blessings after this thread tbh.

CactusAnnie · 13/04/2015 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 13/04/2015 19:47

Santana I teach secondary. We have openly gay students and a boy did wear a dress on a non-uniform day. As I said, in a non-diverse small northern town, not Brighton or Islington. He didn't get teased. I think a lot of young people now are a lot more tolerant and accepting than previous generations. I really can't imagine a Y7 boy being bullied for having worn a dress 7 years earlier.

SantanaLopez · 13/04/2015 19:47

I am quite sure I do and I don't want to test it out with my son.

A girl who wet herself aged 4 was still trying to live that down aged 32.

TiggyOBE · 13/04/2015 19:48

Think I'll go make a cup of tea.

OnlyLovers · 13/04/2015 19:49

A girl who wet herself aged 4 was still trying to live that down aged 32.

I'd move if I were you. Seriously.

GColdtimer · 13/04/2015 19:52

FFS I can't believe people have a problem with a preschooler going to school in a dress. He is just dressing up. Shame on anyone who thinks this is wrong.

5madthings · 13/04/2015 19:53

A girl who wet herself age four was still trying to live it down aged 32?!! Where the fuck do you live.

alwaysstaytoolong · 13/04/2015 19:53

I genuinely don't care what any child or adult wears.

In my years on the trans clubbing scene I had loads of friends that were transgendered and transvestite.

Some of the TVs did attract attention or laughs even on that 'scene' because their clothing choices deliberately attracted attention. So even in an everyone welcome. ...wear what you want... .be who you want atmosphere something very outside of 'usual' would lead to comments so it is not unreasonable to say that can happen anywhere even though it shouldn't in an ideal world.

I don't think OP was necessarily making a point to anyone in taking her DS out in a dress or attention seeking.

But anyone who has been on MN for more than 5 minutes and posts about how shocked and horrified they are that it provoked a reaction is probably being disingenuous by posting THAT on MN.

These identikit threads happen with such frequency and always result in 100s of posts of arguments.

If OP really was cool with her DS clothing choice she'd already be sensible enough to know other people might not be and would ignore that regardless.

It's the 'shouldn't my DS be able to wear a dress MUMSNET? ' that IS attention seeking.

RoseWithAThorn · 13/04/2015 19:53

I'd move if I were you. Seriously.

Is that because you are judging the area the poster lives in is full of "fucktards"? Or is that because you simply can't accept other people have opinions? Perhaps it's because you have no idea that a lot of areas (and the people in them) just don't/won't accept certain things?

SantanaLopez · 13/04/2015 19:54

Why should I move? I thought we were all changing the world bit by bit.... oh wait. That's only okay when it's a child being made to shoulder his mother's chip.

SwirlyThingAlert · 13/04/2015 19:55

Only on MN do little boys go to Tesco in full on fairy princess dresses like someone claimed on this thread. I sometimes think I live in a parallel universe.

Whathaveilost · 13/04/2015 19:56

A girl who wet herself aged 4 was still trying to live that down aged 32

Last year at my dads 75th birthday party several people where reminiscing about school days and referred to one lady ( who is now dead) as Jilly wet knickers as she wet herself in infants. This name stayed with her all her life. Bloody awful I know.

This is not the area that I'm living now where I said that things are remembered but in a wealthy area of Cheshire.

Something's are never lived down sadly.

Theycallmemellowjello · 13/04/2015 19:59

I haven't read this whole thread, but I am just shocked at the number of people saying that OP should know that a male in a dress just will draw attention and it's therefore unreasonable to feel aggrieved about people laughing at such a male, no matter what their age. Or trying to argue that maybe the pointing and giggling had nothing to do with gender and was exactly the same reaction as the people would have had if it had been a little girl dressed as Elsa and therefore the OP should just stop playing the victim and shut up and never mention cross-dressing again. well sorry, bigots, but it's 2015 and it's not socially acceptable to point and giggle at anyone because of their gender identity. And it's fine to call out those shitheads who do. If you're defending this behaviour, you're on the wrong side of history.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 13/04/2015 20:03

Twirling in skirts and gold glitter shoes? Raising her children in Sweden has prompted Harriet Cobbold Hielte to question many of her ingrained English views on raising a boy. Could we all learn something from the less rigid Swedish approach?

www.mrfoxmagazine.com/parenting/scandi-sense/

OnlyLovers · 13/04/2015 20:04

Rose, because I don't like the idea of living somewhere where such cruel things happen. I can accept other people have opinions, thank you; in this case I think those opinions are twattish. And I do have an 'idea that a lot of areas (and the people in them) just don't/won't accept certain things', thanks again. I used to live in one. I won't again.

Santana, the thing about the 'chip' on the OP's shoulder is getting very tired. She did not deliberately or forcibly put a dress on him that he doesn't want to wear for her own purposes. She just wants her child to wear things that make him happy, that don't hurt or impact on anyone, without him getting laughed and stared at by supposed grown-ups.

Devora · 13/04/2015 20:05

I have really tried to engage on this thread, to suggest different ways of looking at this and to try to build a conversation that isn't just mud-slinging. I think I've been polite throughout. But I seem to be being labelled as a mother with a chip, so I'll gracefully retire at this point.

Roobo · 13/04/2015 20:07

I think it's hilarious that the OP thinks that a 4yo boy dressed in a floor-length, blue, glittery ball gown will go completely unoticed Hmm

It's fancy dress FFS, it's meant to draw attention and be funny!

Some people take themselves far too seriously.

OnlyLovers · 13/04/2015 20:07

Devora, thanks for your contributions. I've enjoyed them.

Devora · 13/04/2015 20:08

Thanks, OnlyLovers Smile

SantanaLopez · 13/04/2015 20:08

She just wants her child to wear things that make him happy, that don't hurt or impact on anyone, without him getting laughed and stared at by supposed grown-ups.

Well, now the OP knows that if her son wears a dress he'll get laughed at and stared at. Unsurprisingly, because MN is the only place where little boys wear dresses.

So either she leaves him to the mercy of the supposed grown ups, or she tells him to put on something else. Her choice.

OnlyLovers · 13/04/2015 20:11

Santana, there's so much wrong with your post I don't really know where to start.

Would you point and stare at a little boy in a dress? Would you like the idea of a little kid being at people's mercy' in that way?

You sound nastier with every post.

I'm sorry to disappoint, BTW, but I have seen more than one little boy in a dress, in RL.

OnlyLovers · 13/04/2015 20:11

Roobo, she doesn't expect him to go completely unoticed. She just thinks it'd be nice if adults didn't point and laugh and stare at him.

SantanaLopez · 13/04/2015 20:12

No, I wouldn't. And it would be my worst nightmare if anyone did that to my son, which is why I so passionately feel that OP was in the wrong.

Swipe left for the next trending thread