AIBM to not let ds2 4 wear his Elsa dress out anymore due to twattish sniggering parents

[NellysKnickers]

Ds2s hero is Elsa. He loves her and Frozen. He also loves mud, dinosaurs, trains and his bike. He wore his Elsa dress to pick up ds1 from school today. I'm shocked by the amount of parents giggling and pointing, I expected a bit from kids who dont know any better but adults? ?? I'm torn between being upset and wanting to pinch them in the face ( obviously I would never do this in reality) Why is it that people think it's ok to laugh at someone a little bit different, Dh just says they are a bit thick!

Oh, and no. Am adult can make those choices for him or herself and I would defend his or her choice to the death.

But, an adult knows he or she is defying a social norm. An adult can make that choice for him or herself in a way a child cannot.

But home, do you feel revolted by adult cross-dressers?

(Or cross-dressing pets...?)

Agree with Spud's post. Do what you want - don't make your children 'pay for it', they look to their parents for guidance and don't need to feel ridiculed by others for the decision their parents make.

Rose, does it matter if they are?

Cross post, sorry, you already answered!

they look to their parents for guidance

I would rather give a child guidance on how not to point, stare and laugh at someone, personally.

Indeed. Joan of Arc costumes are all the rage, I hear.

Not in the slightest! On the contrary, I am pleased they have the confidence and freedom to be who they are, so to speak.

However, they are wearing what they want to wear with the knowledge that a norm is being defied and with the ability to deal with potential ramifications. Their identity is established. They are able to make choices and deal with the fallout (if any) from those choices.

The above does not apply to young children. Dressing up clothes out of the house is a personal dislike of mine anyway but Disney dresses - pale in colour, flimsy in material, impractical in every sense of the word - are a nightmare. Add to that a boy wearing it and it will attract a lot of attention.

I have a clothes-allergic daughter (1) and it wouldn't hurt anyone if I took her naked on the school run but I'd never do that because she is not old enough to know people would stare and titter and point - my job is to protect her from that, not encourage it. In the privacy of our own garden in nice weather she can be naked to her hearts content. :)

Don't get me started on pets. Big butch dogs should absolutely wear pink collars it's hilarious.

Actually, my DH did once refuse to walk our dog as she had a pink lead!

Yes, because as parents we don't do that, do we? Just because play clothes are for playing in, we neglect to tell our children that it's rude to point, stare and laugh...

Some of you just want to Make.A.Point. Can't you make it yourselves, without using your children to do it?

This thread has turned incredibly nasty. Poor OP being told that no one gives a shit, that everyone gives a shit so she shouldn't do it, that if she lets this happen what does she expect, that she must have only done it for the attention...

What most bugs me, though, is this implication that caring about equality and diversity is some kind of affected, Islington exhibitionism. Sod that. My family are the 'alternatives' in our area and my kids have to deal with that every day. I get snide parents, too, laughing at my daughter's 'politically correct doll' (i.e. with brown skin, like her) and little comments that they suppose Barbie dolls are banned in my house.

@ "Islington exhibitionism".

I've never heard that before but now that I have I'll make a point of using it because I know people who display it.

Devora, or Deborah as my iPad thinks you are called - I have a 'forrin' name which gives away my identity though my skin is light enough to pass for a dark haired british national.

I have learned to lightly say, 'yes, my name is --- - that isn't a problem, is it?' Inevitably hasty 'no, not!' with a touch of 'gosh, she is touchy!' are passed back.

However, I have to admit my life would have been easier - a lot easier - if I was called jane or sarah or Elizabeth. I constantly have to explain myself, my name, my nationality. It's tedious, and whilst I'm not ashamed of any part of it I long, frequently, to just blend in.

Sometimes, you can't blend in. Your skin colour or who you love or what you want to look like is more important. That's okay.

But, choosing for your child to stand out, to be different, to be stared at and laughed at and mocked, is difficult for me to understand.

Lying, Home lives in an area where people snigger at overweight people and children who dress in ways they don't approve of. Sounds grim to me, but perhaps you'd fit right in.

Some of you just want to Make.A.Point.

I think, actually, some of 'us' just want to let little kids wear the things they want to, because it makes them happy.

But, choosing for your child to stand out, to be different, to be stared at and laughed at and mocked, is difficult for me to understand.

I agree with this.

I think, actually, some of 'us' just want to let little kids wear the things they want to, because it makes them happy.

And it won't hurt them to hear the word 'no', will it? Whether that it is no, you're cold, or no you will get hurt because you will trip over those high heels. Or no, you will get hurt because people will laugh at you. Whatever.

Won't do any damage.

Some people are insisting that this comes from a mother desperately trying to show off rather than a kid wanting to play. I don't understand that. Why can't it just be a boy who likes a film character wanting to wear the costume?

Also, Lying, my son has a thick cotton Spider-Man onsie that is as comfortable and practical as a tracksuit. Absolutely no reason for him to not wear it outside! Aged four, you can be as eccentric as you like in your sartorial choices as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't shoehorn my son into a dress to suit any agenda of my own but I certainly believe imagination and creativity should be encouraged. My son will play at being a dinosaur, a pirate, a robot, a superhero - if he wanted to play princesses then why shouldn't he? Why would it matter?

And, sorry, but I find it hard to reconcile that the sight of a boy in a dress is 'revolting' and makes you 'curl your lip' in contempt yet you are totally fine with adult males wearing dresses. I understand your point about understanding and challenging social norms, but for it to inspire revulsion and scorn in you, that suggests a more visceral reaction than simply disagreeing with it on the basis that the child doesn't understand the implications of what they're doing. And I also don't believe it should have such implications at that age anyway.

I'm really saddened by some of the comments on this thread. Why would anything a child dressed up in cause raised eyebrows ffs. Some people are ridiculous.

As for the snide insinuations that these 'cross-dressing' (ugh) boys don't exist in real life, maybe it's precisely because of attitudes like this. It's not cross-dressing, it's play.

In Tesco the other week I saw 3 boys ask for Frozen stuff, for them all to be told it is for girls and not for boys. And yet...if they all wanted it...and were allowed it, it would be less of a problem, wouldn't it?

My ds is 4 and likes pink. I have never bought him anything pink, but he likes it anyway. Perhaps because it is a nice bright but soft colour that appeals to children in general. When his cousins brought some dressing up outfits over, he immediately wanted to try the Elsa dress on, because he's seen loads of girls at playgroup wearing it and wanted to get in on it. He hasn't seen the film but has heard the song and goes around singing it. He doesn't know the what is boys and girls yet, it's all just 'stuff' to him. He loves his Batman outfit, trucks and diggers etc...what is the point of a distinction, what are you saying about the child, what does it matter what they are interested in? They are just playing.

Anyone who would smirk at a four year old for their choice of dressing up outfit is not a pleasant or intelligent person.

I've never told my DS that what he wants to wear is inappropriate. He's nearly 8 and has invisible SN. Last time he had to dress up as a superhero at school, he chose to dress as an invented character and I made him a silver suit. If other parents are small minded enough to think that's funny and even worse, point and laugh, then they're the ones who've got the problem, not him.

I'm surprised you're so small-minded Lying.

And, btw, both my son's have always worn boys' clothes, I've never dressed them in pink or put them in skirts and they haven't asked to wear them either. I'm not coming from the perspective of a parent whose son wants to wear dresses, I just don't understand the negativity towards those who do.

But conversely, why would you tell a child they can't do something they want to, that is no harm to anyone, purely because others might make fun?

It's victim blaming. It's the child's, or the parents fault for letting them wear what they choose. No- it's the people making fun of a small child's choice that need to change, not the child.

Same as a bully needs to stop bullying. The bullied shouldn't have to change their behaviour or blame themselves.

If my child dared laugh at another child for doing something different I'd come down hard. I certainly wouldn't be encouraging them to laugh and point.

Anyone who would smirk at a four year old for their choice of dressing up outfit is not a pleasant or intelligent person.

So why allow your child to be that person's target? Is it your battle with gender equality or your child's? It's the child who is going to suffer.

It's victim blaming. It's the child's, or the parents fault for letting them wear what they choose. No- it's the people making fun of a small child's choice that need to change, not the child.

But I can't change the person laughing at my child, can I?