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Original poster

AIBM to not let ds2 4 wear his Elsa dress out anymore due to twattish sniggering parents

610 replies

NellysKnickers · 13/04/2015 16:00

Ds2s hero is Elsa. He loves her and Frozen. He also loves mud, dinosaurs, trains and his bike. He wore his Elsa dress to pick up ds1 from school today. I'm shocked by the amount of parents giggling and pointing, I expected a bit from kids who dont know any better but adults? ?? I'm torn between being upset and wanting to pinch them in the face ( obviously I would never do this in reality) Why is it that people think it's ok to laugh at someone a little bit different, Dh just says they are a bit thick!

OP posts:
MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 15/04/2015 14:29

But unfortunately they do stand a chance of being bullied and teased because this IS the world and that shit happens.

Op was bothered he'd be remembered for being the boy who wore a dress in the park when he starts school in September. So why the Fuck did she let him if she thought that? I'd say that was unlikely tbh. It's 5 months away but that thought crossed HER mind.

And if she was so damn they were giggling and pointing why the hell didn't she say something???

I think I judge her for not doing that then her letting him wear the bloody dress!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 15/04/2015 14:30

is the real world that was meant to say.

LikeIcan · 15/04/2015 14:32

Girls dressing up as traditional male characters shows them as 'feisty' & 'strong' & other positive things. Boys dressing up as princesses makes them look like wimps. I'm sorry if that sounds too blunt but that really is how a lot of people judge it.

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 15/04/2015 14:35

I think it was a stupid lack of judgment on her part which could result in her child being bullied.

I hope not though.

leedy · 15/04/2015 14:35

"it's not the job of a 4 year old child to change society"

Serious question, though: whose job is it, then? If it's not anyone's job to change this particular social norm, do we just have to throw our hands up and (as per my previous post) say "that's how it is, it's immutable, it can't be changed, little boys can never wear dressup clothes associated with little girls without nasty consequences and shame, ever, ever, ever"? Or if it just became more common for small children to wear whatever they liked, would people stop finding it remarkable?

Presumably there was a time when it wasn't the job of any individual girl/woman to change society's "that's just how it is" expectations about girls being educated, girls wearing trousers, girls not being married off and repeatedly impregnated at the earliest available opportunity...

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 15/04/2015 14:35

"I agree it's cruel and unfair but it's not the job of a 4 year old child to change society."

No, it's the job of adults to not laugh or inwardly balk at people challenging damaging gender sterotypes. I'd come down like a tonne of shit if I found out my child was teasing or making fun of someone for wearing a dress. I'd de-friend any adult who did it. It's not my job to squeeze my child in to a box just to fit in, it's my job to challenge anyone who says it matters that he doesn't.

This thread is so fucking depressing.

OnlyLovers · 15/04/2015 14:39

Pyjamas, it 'really really is' true BECAUSE of attitudes held by you and other posters saying similar things.

And what hoppy says.

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 15/04/2015 14:39

Like

Exactly.

leedy · 15/04/2015 14:40

"I see Mrs S has let her daughter out in trousers again. It's disgusting! Will she not think about the poor child - she'll be remembered for months as being the girl who wore her brother's trousers to the park. I know she's one of those modern ladies and it would be lovely if we all could dress as we chose, but really, she has to accept reality, and the reality is that a girl can't go out dressed like a boy without expecting some kind of mockery. I think it was a stupid lack of judgement on her part which could result in her child being bullied or worse. I'm sorry if that sounds too blunt, but that's how it is."

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 15/04/2015 14:42

only please stop personal attacks on me.

I am merely pointing out facts and life as it us in the real world.

I am not fucking agreeing with twattish parents who laugh at children.

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 15/04/2015 14:44

leedy adults choosing to dress how they like is fantastic.

Adults are resilient and make choices after consideration and from conviction.

4 year old children are very vulnerable and need parents to protect them not hang them out to fucking dry!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 15/04/2015 14:45

But saying 'that's just the way it is' validates those twattish opinions. Perhaps if enough people said 'it doesn't have to be that way' then things will eventually change. Are we just supposed to sit around, stifling our children until society magically removes it's head from it's arse?

Fromparistoberlin73 · 15/04/2015 14:47

We should just bow down to it because well, one person can't do anything, and you don't want your child to suffer, do you, and people will think you're a twat, and might as well give in now, and IT'S JUST HOW IT IS

you make a good point there actually- its really hard to work out which battles to fight, and which to leave IYSWIM

OnlyLovers · 15/04/2015 14:49

Pyjamas – and anyone else in the 'stop him wearing a dress' camp – you're not really engaging with the debate about whether or not it's OK to challenge what you call 'facts' and what others might call 'current social mores'.

What do you think of leedy's post above about girls in trousers?

leedy · 15/04/2015 14:49

"4 year old children are very vulnerable and need parents to protect them not hang them out to fucking dry!"

And I just don't accept that refusing to police "correct" gender behaviour in a 4 year old child is "hanging them out to fucking dry". Is it also "hanging them out to dry" to let little boys play with buggies? Dolls? Have a pink sippy cup (my DS2 was very proud of his)? A friend's husband once went off on one because she let her DS go out pushing his sister's pink toy pram with a teddy in it - was he just being a good protective parent who recognizes how things are "in the real world"?

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 15/04/2015 14:52

I'm not going to 'hang my child out to dry'. I'm going to be there, behind him, challenging any twat who thinks there's something wrong with a boy wearing a dress, and making sure DS knows he can wear what he wants, be who he wants, and it doesn't fucking matter what some narrow minded arsehole thinks.

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 15/04/2015 15:01

Yes hoppy but the problem is you won't be always behind your child challenging èvery twat because unless you intend to home school he/she will be out in the world and away from your eyes for 6 hours a day from the age of 4.

Of course he can wear what he wants but in going so and if that is against our societal norms then he will meet some who will challenge this.

And that can be very hard for small children to deal with. It won't be you dealing with this it will be him.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 15/04/2015 15:02

As far as I can make out the op didn't challenge the pointing and giggling parents...

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 15/04/2015 15:05

only er there's no stop him wearing a dress camp just some pointing out that it's a decision that can lead, as had done in the ops case, to horrible circumstances.

The rights and wrongs if it are debatable but the concequences are facts.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 15/04/2015 15:05

I'd rather teach him resilience to cruel idiots than tell him to hide who he really is. And I presume everyone here who is saying we should just suck it up because that's the way society is, is also teaching their children to be kind and accepting and to understand that everyone is different and gender stereotypes are ridiculous so hopefully in a generation it wont even be a problem.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 15/04/2015 15:06

He didn't notice

But SHE did she was bothered by it so why didn't SHE say something to them?

Because they could have been pointing and giggling at something entirely different.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 15/04/2015 15:10

It's shite as child being teased and picked on for whatever reason. It's all very well an adult telling you to stand up for yourself and stick to the bullies.

Yeah, great in theory, crap in practice sometimes Hmm

Some kids can stand up to bullies but not all of them can.

OnlyLovers · 15/04/2015 15:10

Oh come off it, Pyjamas. There are plenty of comments on here along the lines of 'save the dressing-up for home', 'make him change before doing the school run', 'I would never let my son wear a dress' ...

I'll ask again, in terms of engaging with the debate: do you think the consequences (by which I'm assuming you mean the pointing and laughing) are immutable?

FrenchJunebug · 15/04/2015 15:55

b A friend's husband once went off on one because she let her DS go out pushing his sister's pink toy pram with a teddy in it - was he just being a good protective parent who recognizes how things are "in the real world"?

and you think this is ok?! In the real world there are women who like rugby and men who push prams, or you haven't noticed.

JacquesHammer · 15/04/2015 16:00

I'm not going to 'hang my child out to dry'. I'm going to be there, behind him, challenging any twat who thinks there's something wrong with a boy wearing a dress, and making sure DS knows he can wear what he wants, be who he wants, and it doesn't fucking matter what some narrow minded arsehole thinks

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