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Original poster

AIBM to not let ds2 4 wear his Elsa dress out anymore due to twattish sniggering parents

610 replies

NellysKnickers · 13/04/2015 16:00

Ds2s hero is Elsa. He loves her and Frozen. He also loves mud, dinosaurs, trains and his bike. He wore his Elsa dress to pick up ds1 from school today. I'm shocked by the amount of parents giggling and pointing, I expected a bit from kids who dont know any better but adults? ?? I'm torn between being upset and wanting to pinch them in the face ( obviously I would never do this in reality) Why is it that people think it's ok to laugh at someone a little bit different, Dh just says they are a bit thick!

OP posts:
leedy · 14/04/2015 13:21

It would be interested to know what most Fathers think about their sons dressing up in girl's frocks

My boys' father, I suspect, would not give a monkey's.

Some of the posts on this thread are incredibly depressing. We need to sit down and "gently explain" to our children that there are arbitrary, probably damaging social rules that they can't break or they'll be mocked and laughed at and people will think they're "revolting" - and that's somehow "kinder" than letting them make their own completely harmless decisions about clothing. "It's better in the long run. Learn to conform. Hide being different. Don't upset people by being yourself. That's just being self-indulgent. It's not all about you. Don't show off. Don't ask why. Keep your head down. Don't cry. BE A PROPER MAN."

(that is, of course, aside from the posters who seem to think that the OP forced her child into a dress to "make a statement")

It reminds me of a similarly depressing conversation I had as a mouthy, socially awkward, "brainy" schoolchild with one of my other "brainy" friends where she sat me down and said "You have to stop talking about books and stuff and pretend to be like them so they won't laugh at you so much". I still nearly cry thinking about it.

Micah · 14/04/2015 14:20

I was once told on a similar forum, in a similar situation that I should make my 4 year old daughter grow her hair to stop people being mean about her being a boy wearing girls clothes.

Fortunately my dd, and her school, decided that they would come down hard on the other children and stop their behaviour, rather than modify her hair. Plus she goes to a fantastic multicultural school where long flowing blonde locks are not the norm.

She's 11 now and still has short hair, because she has a condition and it won't grow. And she likes it short.

She still gets idiots insisting she is a boy, and actually challenging her on it. Because, let's face it, I'd you don't have long hair you can't be a girl. That's how ridiculous and backwards we have gone with sex stereotyping.

Judging children for their looks, hair, clothes, choices is bullying in my book. I don't care if you think they "should" learn to fit in. Maybe you should learn to accept people's differences.

GColdtimer · 14/04/2015 20:55

See nearly 24 hours later and nobody has given a proper reason for why this is not ok. Because dressing up clothes shouldn't be worn on the school run - by whose rules?? Loads of children do round here.

Because a 4 year shouldn't wear a dress and should conform. Again by whose rules and where does this stop?

This thread has really saddened me. Obviously intelligent women being so narrow minded and judgemental

The opinion of someone who would judge another mother for letting her DC wear fancy dress on the school run is not one I would value tbh.

TomCruiseCreepsMeOut · 14/04/2015 21:02

The narrow minded people who find little boys wearing dresses distasteful or a source of mockery will never give the true reason why they feel this way, because it would leave THEM as the ones open to judgement and disdain and they are too cowardly for this, so they dance around the issue. The fact is they see boys wearing dresses as being like girls, and this is an aberration in their eyes. They see girl things as crap and beneath boys, and for boys to like them must mean there is something wrong with them.

Only1scoop · 14/04/2015 21:06

I certainly don't see 'girl things as crap and beneath boys' Confused

I don't do fancy dress on the school run though.

spudholes · 14/04/2015 21:11

Nobody wants their son to look like a dandy and be ridiculed by others. Lots of things aren't socially acceptable, and this is one of them. And no, I don't have any issue with crossdressing/trans people either before you mention it. Go ahead and insult me because I don't agree with you.

JacquesHammer · 14/04/2015 21:13

I don't do fancy dress on the school run though

I don't think that would bother anyone here though? If that is your rule for both boys/girls no matter what they choose to wear then that is fine. So your answer would be "no Johnny, you can't wear your Elsa dress on the school run because we don't do that - look little Suzy isn't wearing her fancy dress either"

It wouldn't be ok if you said "no you can't do the school run dressed as Elsa, but please put on a Buzz Lightyear and that's fine"

Smile
Micah · 14/04/2015 21:25

So, spudholes. Say I agree for one second that it's not ok for a boy to wear a dress.

Does that make it ok for people to ridicule my daughter wearing a dress because they think she is a boy?

How do you know the child in a dress is a boy or not? Without secondary sexual characteristics, you've no way of knowing for sure.

JacquesHammer · 14/04/2015 21:30

Nobody wants their son to look like a dandy

Pretty sure that phrase hasn't been used since 1878.

Would you like to define what "looking like a dandy" actually means - because I suspect its going to be bloody homophobic

Ems1812 · 14/04/2015 21:34

I hate gender stereotyping. If your little boy wants to wear a dress then he bloody well should!

My DS has a thing for a baby blue mini handbag I have & quite often likes to carry it when we are out. I have seen so many children/adults sniggering at him & it makes my blood boil & my breaks my heart but I will not back down & you shouldn't either OP. You should be proud that your son doesn't care what others think, it's admirable especially at such a young age.

My DS is only 16 months & I worry that he will grow up thinking he has to fit in with what narrow minded people call "normal" just because people can't be more open minded or keep their spiteful opinions to themselves.

GColdtimer · 14/04/2015 21:34

But spud who says it's not socially acceptable for a 4 year old to wear a dressing up dress? People wouldn't bat an eyelid at my school and I can assure you it's in no way middle class. You are stating this as fact when it's only your (bigoted)opinion.

SilverBirch2015 · 14/04/2015 22:02

From this thread I've discovered there are an awful lot of social mores that I was not aware of:

  • dressing like a Dandy is not acceptable for people below a certain age
  • any child wearing dressing-up clothes on the school run is not acceptable
  • it's ok to laugh at obese people, but it must be behind their backs
  • little boys cannot dress-up in female character clothes, because The Islanders will always remember.
  • they can however dress in female clothes at any age if it is done "for a laugh"
  • dressing-up as a Princess, even if the dress is blue, is not acceptable if "it is done in a serious way" by a young boy

Anything else I need to remember, just in case I get socially shunned or laughed at? It is all so very complicated. When I was on the school run years ago, all I used to worry about was getting there on time.

cinders456 · 14/04/2015 22:04

This thread is pretty ridiculous! Why would you actively encourage your son to wear a dress, for goodness sake??! The answer, of course, is to serve your plight to be ultra-pc...

Only1scoop · 14/04/2015 22:05

Cinders ....I suspect this can be true.

cinders456 · 14/04/2015 22:07

Actually, I positively regret posting on here..
Just to clarify, no it's not ok to make fun of an innocent child. But it's odd for a parent to make out that there's no difference between boys and girls..

SilverBirch2015 · 14/04/2015 22:08

Some modern Dandy's, looking quite smart to me:

dandyportraits.tumblr.com/

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 14/04/2015 22:12

No one is actively encouraging boys to wear dresses. My 4yo boy loves fancy dress but would never wear female fancy dress. I'm not going to suggest that he does. But I do know a little boy his age who loves pink and barbies and maybe he would want to wear a princess dress and if he did, then why shouldn't he?

Saying no one wants their son to look like a dandy is the most ridiculous statement in a thread full of them. What's the alternative? That your 4yo boy looks butch? They're small children! Let them be kids and stop imposing your horrible, bigoted, unpleasant views on them.

fakenamefornow · 14/04/2015 22:25

I think you're being over sensitive op. If I see a child out in 'dressing up' clothes it always makes me smile/laugh and discretely point them out. Kids looking like that are adorable and put a smile on everybody's face. The gender thing wouldn't even register, at that age it's only clothes that distinguish boy from girl anyway. I would probably assume your ds was female (read what you like into that) but even if I knew he was male, well so what, it would still make me smile in the same way.

SilverBirch2015 · 14/04/2015 22:27

The Dandy comment has really tickled me.

I can imagine the arguments Laurence Llewelyn Bowen and is wife must have had before parents evening. "No Laurence, little Bowen cannot wear the frilled shirt, one lace handkerchief is enough for a young child and that velvet jacket can only be worn on special occasions as we agreed, the other boys might like it and end up Gay, or even worse a couple of bigots might snigger"

Pangurban · 14/04/2015 22:36

Let him enjoy himself. Elsa is a cartoon character. Good part and they love 'the' song. It's all make believe. If it doesn't bother him, don't let these other people be instrumental in you stopping your boy's fun.

One of my boy's friends used to carry a dog collar around with him. His mother was annoyed as it was the old grubby one and not the good replacement one which was on the dog!

Pangurban · 14/04/2015 22:42

If he was dressing up as an ancient roman/greek/biblical, he would have a dress/toga or skirt on him anyway. Same with robes for lots of characters.

Micah · 14/04/2015 22:54

It wasn't so long ago that women wearing trousers wasn't "societal norm". Trouser wearing females were laughed at, called whores, and ridiculed.

Aren't you glad some of them had the guts to just keep on doing it until it became normal?

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 14/04/2015 23:17

I love mumsnet. It's the right on liberal world that would be lovely to inhabit.

Unfortunately out there in RL boys on the school run dressed as Elsa have the fucking piss ripped out of them. Obviously as 4 year olds they may not know this but it will happen
And unfortunately be remembered by older kids.

The child will be teased. And however much you rail against the societal prejudice and judgment it will happen.

Just say, as normal people would,'it's time to get older kid from school now so take off dressing ups and get your clothes on'

No prejudice, no worries, no problems.

Why on earth would any parent let a 4 year old boy dress as Elsa on the school run.

Mmm why? It's about them. Not the child. Them.

Bambambini · 14/04/2015 23:39

Homeishappiness "There are indeed unpleasant and unkind people who will openly laugh and jeer and mock. There are also people who are not unkind and will be passive when faced with this but will bring it up later - it would almost certainly be an evening conversation here - 'today, some silly woman was walking down the road with a 4 year old boy dressed in a frock.'"

But why would you feel the need to be so negative and sneering about it. I would probably notice, I might smile or laugh but not sneeringly - I think lots of people would as well. But you choose to sneer, would you really not rather be more tolerant about something that doesn't actually harm anyone?

I have sons, I possibly wouldn't have taken them out in a dress (it never came up but they did like to push their little toy buggies about town) as I wouldn't want them to face ridicule - I really don't know. I did take one shopping to the supermarket dressed as superman - don't really see the issue with folk letting their kids wear these outfits just out and about.

GColdtimer · 14/04/2015 23:49

Cinders nobody is making boys wear dresses, they are just not telling them they can't if they want to.

Massive difference.

my dd hAd a friend who loved dressing up in her princess clothes. One day he saw my (fireman) neighbour's motorbike parked on his drive and wanted to go and see it. I have a picture of him aged 5 sitting on the bike with tiara and belle dress having a ball. Fireman neighbour didn't bat an eyelid. Why would he. The child was 5 and was playing make believe.

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