To think it's wrong to say someone's attractive....."for their age"

[Songlark]

I hear it said a lot about older women. Comments like "for her age she's quite attractive" or "she's good looking for her age".
I just think the age bit is irrelevant. If someone is attractive, they're attractive, why add the "for her age" bit on.

I'm guilty of saying this . I also told a 57yo she dresses nice for her age and she seemed really chuffed. I don't mean it rudely or to try and offend but some women don't make as much effort once they reach a certain age

Well, Floisme, shoot yourself if you want, but as long as you do not say it to someone face, there is nothing offensive about it.

Yes, people get often less attractive after 50, that's nature. too bad.

I think it applies to men. Dh and I were commenting how amazing looking Brad Pitt is for 50 (our age). And I don't see why we shouldnt be able to say that?

No honestly I'm not being picky, but it's nice to get a compliment. But when the "for your age" bit is added on it just doesn't sound as good. I wouldn't dream of saying it to someone. Is it not implying that older people aren't normally attractive ?

I agree songlark, there is that implication that if your older then being attractive/ looking good is not usual. Why the need to tag on 'for her age' Stick to the complimentary bit.

Older people are often less attractive than their younger selves though; there's all that scope for saggy jowls, varicus veins, drinkers noses, hair loss, spare tyres etc which younger people don't have. My point being older people generally become less attractive, so it's actually nice to be complimented if you look good.

Look, if I look good, then say so. If I don't - well don't. Just don't patronise me please.

Sorry if that sounded snappy. It's been a hard day on aibu

Isn't it just said about people who are much too old for you to date? As in, yeah she/he is way too old for me, but I appreciate that they are attractive.

Is the way I feel about Tom Selleck

Some people are better looking in older age than in their youth. Julianne Moore makes a much better looking 50 something than she did 30 something.

I agree though that 'for her age' does take the sheen off a compliment somewhat.

Obv I'm not saying Julianne Moore is old, just older.

Attractive, for her age.
Pretty, for her size.

Not proper compliments IMO.

I think for me it's the fact that 'for your age' seems to imply that it's some sort of 'surprise' that a person is looking good, as if they expect us to look like old hags 'at our age'.

But oddly enough I'm chuffed if someone tells me they 'never would have guessed' that I'm (redacted).

I asked a colleague how old her children were. She said 24, 22 and 19. I said 'Blimey I wouldn't have been surprised if you had said toddlers'. was that right or wrong?

Ooooh loads of scope for offence there sparkling!

I can see how cheeky it sounds. It made me think of a convo I was having with a colleague. He said a 26yo we work with who has 5 kids looked good for someone with 5 kids. I'm not entirely sure how you're meant to look after 5 kids

Think that's ok sparkling. I see that as very different.

Oh heck, I am always saying this to my grandma.

Grandma, I say, you don't half look good for a 75-year-old.

She inevitably laughs ...

... possibly because she is actually 90 this year.

sparkling that's something I'd say and not realise how it could offend! A woman was talking to me about being a young mum and she told me she had 2 grandkids by 39 and I said something like you don't look old enough to even have kids! She started laughing. I should probably keep my mouth shut regarding age from now on

I just think the "for your age " bit is irrelevant. It seems to imply that age is a barrier to good looks, some older people are far more attractive than some younger ones. So I don't see why age should come into it really.

See. I should just not speak. I will apologise next time I see her for thinking she might have been a lot younger than she was.

Glitz no don't stop saying that, it's a lovely compliment and nothing at all about what I've been on about.

Sparkling and glitz, I wouldn't be offended by those comments.

If someone says something that insinuates you look younger than you actually are then how could it be offensive?

Nor would I , but that's not the same as what I've said.