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AIBU?

To think it's wrong to say someone's attractive....."for their age"

137 replies

Songlark · 13/04/2015 14:40

I hear it said a lot about older women. Comments like "for her age she's quite attractive" or "she's good looking for her age".
I just think the age bit is irrelevant. If someone is attractive, they're attractive, why add the "for her age" bit on.

OP posts:

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Bowlersarm · 13/04/2015 18:16

I don't agree OP. When I compare my legs to women of my own age, they're great. When I compare them with younger women they hold their own, but it's much stiffer competition.

Sparklingbrook · 13/04/2015 18:18

What if I saw Bowler's legs and said she had the legs of a teenager? Is that ok?

IvyWall · 13/04/2015 18:21

Yes I think it's the stiff competition idea. Helen Mirren looks good for her age in that she is an attractive older woman. But compare her to a youthful beauty and it's not a fair fight.
I don't think it's offensive. I'm a "mature woman" myself and I envy the perfection of youth

OwlinaTree · 13/04/2015 18:21

Squoosh what a cow!

Bowlersarm · 13/04/2015 18:22

Take it from me Sparkling, that comment would not be amiss

GlitzAndGigglesx · 13/04/2015 18:24

Bowlersarm I'm sure you do. I'm 22 and my legs look alright from afar but up close you can tell I stopped bothering with them at 15 . I've always been told I have nice hands and would feel honoured if I were told that in 40 years...for my age of course

ArgyMargy · 13/04/2015 18:24

I reckon if someone's bothered to give me a compliment, I'll take it as a compliment. Lord knows it's rare enough

GlitzAndGigglesx · 13/04/2015 18:25

I'm not suggesting you're 62 btw!

Floisme · 13/04/2015 18:26

I am done now and too chilled to care. If if I'm feeling cross again tomorrow, I'll come back and try and explain.

Sorry op, I do still agree with you.

ArgyMargy · 13/04/2015 18:27

And I hate it when women refuse to accept compliments ("you look great in that dress!" "oh no this old thing I've had it years blah blah")

Songlark · 13/04/2015 18:27

Yes but the legs of a teenager aren't necessarily nice legs are they. Its what you get given isn't it.
I agree Ivy about Helen Mirren, but there are girls who could never aspire to her good looks even when they're young. Youth doesn't necessarily equal beauty does it.

OP posts:

Songlark · 13/04/2015 18:28

Bye Flo

OP posts:

howlongwillthesunlast · 13/04/2015 18:33

lets be honest, on average there are more attractive women in their teens and twenties than women in their 70's, no? that's not to say there are no attractive older people. its just a fact that looks fade, wrinkles appear, hair becomes thinner, skin loses its elasticity. its stating the obvious isn't it?

GlitzAndGigglesx · 13/04/2015 18:34

Argy yes!

Bowlersarm · 13/04/2015 18:34

Exactly howlong

Songlark · 13/04/2015 18:38

No bulldozer from me howlongwillthesunlast it's all very depressingly true. It's a fact, happens to us all. Not necessary for people to remind us that's all.

OP posts:

howlongwillthesunlast · 13/04/2015 19:01

Well i'd think it very rude to say it directly, but it's quite normal to say it as in, "Helen Mirren, looks good for her age", it means exactly that. She's not a stunner as in 'Rose Huntingwhatshername', but bearing in mind what age does to us, she looks great!, she probably would have wiped Rosie with the floor when she was Rosie's age.

howlongwillthesunlast · 13/04/2015 19:03

Just to add, saying it directly that would be a 'compli sult' as someone named it on another thread recently.

Greysanderson · 13/04/2015 20:47

I rarely hear anyone say it directly to someone when it is about that person, generally it is a bunch of younger people who say things like so and so looks attractive for their age etc.

Well as people age looks fade, wrinkles, less skin elasticity, random hair growing in random places, loss of hair, more weight issues etc.

When someone says that comment they do truly mean it as a complement.

bananayellow · 13/04/2015 20:52

I can think of better things to get my knickers in a twist about.

Whats wrong with saying it? I would rather look good for my age rather than bad for my age.
It's only the truth, and I am mature enough to realise that my nearly 50 year old self, isn't going to look as good as a thirty year old.

RoboticSealpup · 13/04/2015 20:55

A friend of mine said this about herself when she was 27. I wanted to throttle her. She's now 33 and must be looking in the mirror and seeing a corpse. Idiot.

Floisme · 14/04/2015 07:29

OK let me try and explain. This is just my opinion; it may not be yours but I think the world is big enough for all of us.

I don't consider 'young' a compliment and 'middle aged' or 'old' insults. They're life stages not character traits.

There are amazing looking older women all around you. Vivienne Westwood is one of them. I don't think she looks good 'for her age,' I just think she looks really cool. Full stop.

There are also lots of beautiful young women. Stunning. You don't look like that when you're older and I think it's silly to try. I also think it's silly to compare them. It's like going to a safari park and saying 'Wow that rhinoceros looks amazing, considering it's not a flamingo.'

If you think I look good then please tell me. I'm vain, I like compliments. But just say 'Hey Flo, you look good'. However if the best you can manage is 'Hey Flo you almost look like a young woman' - because let's face it, that's what it means, no? Well then quite frankly, I will wonder why you've bothered.

To think it's wrong to say someone's attractive....."for their age"

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howlongwillthesunlast · 14/04/2015 08:03

However if the best you can manage is 'Hey Flo you almost look like a young woman".......Well then quite frankly, I will wonder why you've bothered.

but the point we're making is nobody says that unless they are deliberately being rude. Of course that is not a compliment.
Hoever I would say between me and you, i think Vivienne Westwood is a very cool lady for her age, that is because not many ladies her age fit the definition of cool, that's is just a fact as well as a very sincere compliment.

FunkyPeacock · 14/04/2015 08:12

YANBU if this is actually said directly to the person you are complimenting. There is no reason to add 'for your age' to a compliment unless you are doing it tongue in cheek

When discussing other people, esp celebrities I think we are all guilty of this occasionally. It's still a compliment!

I wouldn't say it's necessarily sexist either as I would probably say the same if describing and older man too

Bowlersarm · 14/04/2015 08:17

I have to disagree with Vivienne Westwood looking amazing; she looks very individual. But beauty in the eye of the beholder and all that....

I know what your argument is against it Flo, I just don't agree. I think in these miserable modern times, when people are trying to be nice with compliments, it's rude and mean to put them down about it. Next you'll be saying you don't want to be told you 'look good' because the assumption is that you do unless told otherwise. Or something.

I agree with Sparkling'earlier. It is a minefield. If you can't give compliments freely then it makes the world a more joyless place.

I wouldn't say it to someone's face because it isn't designed to be said that way, but I think its perfectly acceptable to say it about someone.

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