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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP just text his mum "Hi lovely lady"...

148 replies

Evenhasawatermark · 13/04/2015 08:17

I know his mum is indeed a lovely lady but for him to address her like it seems a bit overly friendly. He usually uses phrases like that when slightly tipsy and is after something from me!
AIBU to find it a bit weird that he text her calling her that and then said he does it all the time?

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 13/04/2015 09:40

I think "lovely lady" is much more appropriate for his mum than it would be for you

Original poster

Evenhasawatermark · 13/04/2015 09:43

That sounds harsh

I now know it is normal to say things like this and have apologised. I get on with his mum and like their relationship in general.

OP posts:

Slutbucket · 13/04/2015 09:44

It must be very confusing for you but you both seem to have a sensible approach to it. You just need to keep talking to each other and maybe a good friend. May I also suggest relationships is a better board for issues such as this. Explain about your diagnosis you will get good advice. In answer to your question YABU but you know that!!

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 09:45

Yabvvvu, are you jealous? It's a affectionate term, get over yourself.

Only1scoop · 13/04/2015 09:47

I think ok use it on his mum if he really must ....but to use similar on you when he's tipsy ....

Original poster

Evenhasawatermark · 13/04/2015 09:55

Thanks slutbucket-I dithered between here and relationships to be honest!

I didn't mention the bipolar part in my OP as sometimes you get too many pity posts. I got my answer that IABU and have acknowledged it.

It's just a shame when people don't read a thread before posting.

OP posts:

Sallystyle · 13/04/2015 09:55

That's mean AF. OP has already said she knows she is being unreasonable and apologised to her husband.

Hide this thread OP. People won't read that you have said YABU or that you have problems with social interaction and will just continue to put the boot in.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 09:59

Sorry just read your update, you realise the problem lies with you, and your awkwardness surrounding social interaction. Its nothing wrong with it, its not like he's saying to her, hello gorgeous or what's up beautiful, now that would be odd.

AnyFucker · 13/04/2015 09:59

it's not mean at all, it was meant to be light hearted

Pincushion20 · 13/04/2015 10:00

Hi OP, I also have both bipolar and relationship confusion, and I'd have reacted in a similar way to you. The difference is that I have a tendency to assume that any perceived oddity is my problem. It's not ideal - it leaves me quite vulnerable, but there you go.

For what it's worth, I use AIBU with extreme caution these days. I find the responses from people regularly baffling and often frightening. My problem - not anyone else's, but this is not a 'safe' place for me. I'll read, sometimes learn stuff, but I'll rarely post these days.

The Relationships board is easier, especially if you let people know that you have difficulty reading relationships, which is why you're asking.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 10:00

That phrase probably signifies the closeness that he feels with his mum, and the bond they share, it does not go once he turns 18, or meets someone else.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 10:02

My SIL often texts or writes on her mums wall, hi beautiful or hello lovely lady, its a term of endearment tbh, I can see she is close to her mother.

Fannydabbydozey · 13/04/2015 10:03

I call everyone lovely lady if they are ladies, honest. And lovely man if a bloke. But I'm a total luvvie (and a hello/goodbye hugger)

I've just asked my son (11 so no real idea) and he's said "it sounds a bit formal!"

It depends on the person, if he's a cheery, luvvie person then that might be his way. I know a guy who calls everyone gorgeous, his mum and other men too! Not gay either! Watching him call my brother gorgeous makes me do a happy dance...

Anyway, sounds like you are sensibly trying to see if your reaction is unusual.

SandStorm · 13/04/2015 10:03

I think 'mean' was aimed at Aeroflot, not AnyFucker.

TheFairyCaravan · 13/04/2015 10:07

Even I think some people have been quite harsh and this thread is a prime example of why you should read the whole thread before posting.

I've got 2 sons, 18&20, we're incredibly close. They call me pet names etc, it's very rare that I get called "mum".

If I were you I'd hide the thread and not think anything else about it.

Momagain1 · 13/04/2015 10:11

OP, I see your statement about being BI-polar and havving comm issues.
When you post questions like this, start your post with that statement. Maybe there is a better forum than AIBU to post in as well.

'Lovely lady' is an unusual phrase to use with your mum, but not outright weird enough to be worried about. Even if he uses it to initiate cuddling, etc. with you, he might see it as a generally affectionate term. Not everyone ringfences certain terms to restrict them only to certain people and situations.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 13/04/2015 10:12

Unless he's Norman Bates you needn't worry. I hope my kids call my lovely lady when older

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 10:13

Yes I admit I did not read the whole of the thread, just the op as I was in a hurry before getting ds out for nursery, so I am sorry if I upset you op. You can see now that you are not used to that kind of interaction. Really its completely fine tbh. Well I tell you, when dd was born 8 years ago, the noise got so much for dh who had to work the next day, that he hopped into bed with MIL who was also staying with us. I wondered where he was, I searched all round the house, and found him in bed with his mother . Not doing anything of course, but sleeping in the other side of the double bed.

museumum · 13/04/2015 10:16

Actually, I do think there's slight issue with using a phrase you use on your mum also on your wife when you want sex!

It's fine for him to text that to his mum but tell him not to use the same phrase to you when he wants a shag. That is a bit odd.

Sallystyle · 13/04/2015 10:17

No, it was meant for AF but I read it completely wrong.

Sorry AF :)

Here I am telling people to read the thread then I go misread something

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 13/04/2015 10:18

I think its slightly odd, only because neither me or my partner get on with our mothers. I envy those who think their mums are 'lovely ladies', he must think a lot of his mum, all in a good way!

Momagain1 · 13/04/2015 10:21

Aeroflot: the post partum family works in mysterious ways, doesnt it? Whatever works, works.

Slutbucket · 13/04/2015 10:22

I think I understand about the pity posts unfortunately we have a weird relationship with mental health issues. People feel it is ok to call someone bonkers, unhinged etc but it's funny that there would never do that with a physical illness. Relationships is more balanced just ask for constructive feedback. People are more supportive but will tell you what you need to hear! Finally I would add have you someone you can talk through these issues with. It would seem that you need a safe relationship to discuss this with... I think this is definitely a case of having counselling so you can check these things out.

TheJiminyConjecture · 13/04/2015 10:23

I also think lovely lady is fine for his mum but I'd find it weird if that was the way DH signalled to me that he was "in the mood".

I agree with AF that the term seems more appropriate in a familial love way than a romantic love way. So I can see why you would be confused (bi polar aside).

Christinayangstwistedsister · 13/04/2015 10:25

I don't think I would like my dh using the same nickname for me and his mother..just explain to him why it makes you uncomfortable.

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