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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP WASTING FOOD

133 replies

WibblyWobblyHead · 12/04/2015 19:47

I'm a SAHM so usually make DP's dinner ready for when he comes home.

Sometimes he'll buy food and eat it on the way home then tell me that he's not hungry cos he's eaten so the food I've cooked goes in the bin wasted.
All I ask is for him to give me a text and tell me not to cook if he's eaten to save me wasting my time preparing and cooking it for it then to be thrown away. He's self employed and works alone so has no excuse about not being able to text at work.

If I haven't cooked and he gets home and there's nothing prepared he moans and groans that he's starving!

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for wanting him to give me 1 text to let me know either way when he's "so busy at work and hasn't got time to be texting" (even though he checks in on FB etc....)
We haven't got much money as it is so to have food wasted constantly is really starting to irritate me!

AIBU?

OP posts:
loveareadingthanks · 13/04/2015 16:01

Just stop cooking for him.

You say you'll feel bad about that. Why? He doesn't like the food you cook. He throws much of it in the bin. You are doing him a favour in not expecting him to eat it any more!

(I'm sure your food is lovely, he is just an arse, but if you look at it this way, and give him this explanation if he moans, then no guilt, no worries).

He's being really rude to you. Fuck him.

FenellaFellorick · 13/04/2015 16:20

You'd choose to feel bad not doing something nice for someone who chooses to repay that by being selfish and thoughtless while at the same time acting like it's your job to cook for them and you are somehow failing in your 50s stepford wife duty if you don't have dinner on the table which they may or may not eat?

Well, that's up to you of course Grin but feeling bad wouldn't be my choice! I'd be feeling more along the lines of - what's the emotion that normally accompanies the words screw you Grin ?

liveloveluggage · 13/04/2015 16:33

Sounds like you are a bit scared of him or you wouldn't let him treat you this way. Does he have a bad temper? Is he unkind/disrespectful in other ways?

Original poster
WibblyWobblyHead · 13/04/2015 17:27

No I'm not scared of him, he can be a dick at times but isn't violent or anything

OP posts:
Jux · 13/04/2015 17:38

My dad always ate what was put in front of him and thanked my mother when he'd finished eating. They'd been married over 25 years when he told her he didn't really like tomatoes. All those years she'd been including toms in almost everything because a) they grew in the garden and were therefore cheap, and b) us kids loved them. Poor dad!

That's more what you want, though it's taken to the other extreme. Someone who appreciates the time, effort, energy, thought, that goes into producing nourishing food for the family.

He does sound like he may be trying to undermine you. How is he in other areas?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/04/2015 17:56

Poor man. Working hard all week and being nagged about texting to let you know about dinner.
He hasnt got time for that.
I think he is entitled to eat what he likes and spend his money how he wants. He earns all the money after all.
Make him food you know he likes and consider meeting him at the door in your nightie, gin and tonic in hand.

Auntieveronica · 13/04/2015 18:12

Eat the lamb stew before he gets home and freeze some for yourself

trashcanjunkie · 13/04/2015 23:12

Erm, he doesn't have to be violent to make you feel scared of him. Sadly though, I get the feeling you aren't going to do anything about it.

StayGoldPonyBoy · 13/04/2015 23:37

He sounds like my stepdad. My mum is so wet she just panders to him. When we were kids, my siblings and I basically ate spag bol made from a jar with just mince and no veg, plain chicken and veg, and ol del paso fajitas on rotation.

We would end up on beans on toast because she cared more about pleasing him than us as he kicked up more of a fuss, so he'd have his shitty tea which we would refuse to eat, and we'd get shouted at for being 'fussy and ungrateful' for not eating the same meals in a row indefinitelyHmm

I felt like I'd struck gold with DH who loves my cooking and eating new things! If there's something he doesn't like, he'll tell me politely after he's eaten it anyway, and tell me WHY he doesn't so I could maybe edit the recipe if I loved the meal and wanted it again. Like an adult, rather than a petulant child.Hmm

SuburbanRhonda · 13/04/2015 23:40

Make him food you know he likes and consider meeting him at the door in your nightie, gin and tonic

Naked, surely? Wink

Chchchchangeabout · 13/04/2015 23:43

Tell him you'll only cook for him if he texts x hours in advance to let you know he'll be home and wanting dinner.

Lweji · 14/04/2015 00:14

But I bet he will still change his mind and still end buying his own food.

Jux · 14/04/2015 01:13

I hope you do the housework in a corset, stockings and stilettos, so you're ready for him just in case he pops home unexpectedly Hmm

JessieMcJessie · 14/04/2015 01:38

LTB. He's a tosser. Do you have no self-respect?

UncleT · 14/04/2015 06:34

Stop throwing it in the bin. He's being U though too, obviously.

ChopperGordino · 14/04/2015 06:50

You have to stop cooking for him. There isn't really any other option if you want the situation to change

SanityClause · 14/04/2015 07:09

Just joining the chorus.

Don't cook for him. When he moans and groans that he's starving, say you thought he was going to eat on the way home.

When he is at home, don't cook for him. Tell him in the morning that you're not going to, because he doesn't really like your cooking, so it's best if he cooks for the family, when he can.

But seriously, as others have said, this is a kind of EA (emotional abuse). He is using your cooking as a way to keep you guessing. He either doesn't eat your food, or he complains about it when he does. This is designed to make you feel shit, and unbalanced.

Did it start once you became a SAHM?

Whocansay · 14/04/2015 07:25

Stop cooking for him.

If he comes in and says he's starving, point him towards the fucking kitchen!!! Make sure you have frozen crap in the freezer that he can prepare for himself. There should be no issue here.

If you continue to let him treat you that way, that's your fault. You don't HAVE to do anything.

He's rude at the very least. Stop pandering to him. He's a grown man and can sort himself out.

Jackieharris · 14/04/2015 07:26

I think he should start cooking for you!

Hissy · 14/04/2015 07:53

I heard that Saatchi bloke never used to eat food Nigella had made for him...

Just saying...

Abusive pricks refuse our food, because to eat it happily would make us feel good.

Get a job love, make money and get away from him. Leave this idiot.

HazleNutt · 14/04/2015 08:29

I have this feeling that OP won't change anything though..

riverboat1 · 14/04/2015 09:32

This kind of thing sometimes happened when I first moved in with DP.

Then I pointed out it was annoying and asked him to text me if he wouldn't be eating at home that night, or would be home really late.

He agreed and now always texts me if he won't be home for dinner.

Seriously, if you've asked him for a simple and basic mark of respect to you in the form of a quick text, and he has refused...WHY would you feel bad about stopping cooking for him? Just stop it, and get in some really cheap stuff he can make for himself without you needing to worry about him wasting money by cooking up large quantities, eg pasta, noodles, baked beans etc.

MidniteScribbler · 14/04/2015 09:41

Bloody hell, there would have to be some MAJOR grovelling before I ever cooked this twat another meal.

Notso · 14/04/2015 09:45

Jux Awww your poor Dad. What did your Mum say when she told him?

championnibbler · 14/04/2015 10:16

Stop cooking for this twatting prick. End of.
He has two arms and two legs - he can do his own food.

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