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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP WASTING FOOD

133 replies

WibblyWobblyHead · 12/04/2015 19:47

I'm a SAHM so usually make DP's dinner ready for when he comes home.

Sometimes he'll buy food and eat it on the way home then tell me that he's not hungry cos he's eaten so the food I've cooked goes in the bin wasted.
All I ask is for him to give me a text and tell me not to cook if he's eaten to save me wasting my time preparing and cooking it for it then to be thrown away. He's self employed and works alone so has no excuse about not being able to text at work.

If I haven't cooked and he gets home and there's nothing prepared he moans and groans that he's starving!

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for wanting him to give me 1 text to let me know either way when he's "so busy at work and hasn't got time to be texting" (even though he checks in on FB etc....)
We haven't got much money as it is so to have food wasted constantly is really starting to irritate me!

AIBU?

OP posts:
HootOnTheBeach · 12/04/2015 23:11

Stop cooking. If he moans and groans tell him he's a big boy and can cook for himself. Then ignore any begging for you to make him dinner.

I am honestly speechless at his behaviour.

If you wanted to get into a petty fight you could comment on his facebook statuses checking in with 'do you want dinner tonight?'

every

single

one

trashcanjunkie · 12/04/2015 23:22

Ok, so it's totally not your fault he's sometimes a cock. What are you gonna do about how it affects you?

Lweji · 12/04/2015 23:39

Sounds like someone I know had the misfortune to be married to. And he was an abusive git.

Mine used to say he didn't feel like eating, so he wasn't making dinner.
Then, as I had finished would suddenly find himself hungry. I normally cook more than what is needed for the people at home, anyway.
But he was a git and abusive.

Coumarin · 13/04/2015 00:38

All this "batch cook and freeze things for him" "freeze things so he can ping a meal if he wants" Confused Sod that! The OP isn't her DP's personal bloody chef. He's a grown man, he knows where the kitchen is. Yes it's nice to cook for someone because you care and you know it'll be appreciated but in this case he doesn't care so why should she?

Batch cook and freeze my arse.

kissmethere · 13/04/2015 00:51

He's an utter arse! Is he a mummy's boy who had everything done for him at the snap of his fingers?
Stop OP he's hugely disrespectful and is unappreciative. This pattern has to change. I used to do this and I'd be cooking at all hours and food would have been got elsewhere so more waste. Dh respected that it stopped though and I'd know if he was eating with us or not.

Summerisle1 · 13/04/2015 01:06

Stop cooking meals for him. If all he wants to eat is instant rubbish then it won't take him any time at all to sort his own tea out when he gets home, will it? You aren't clairvoyant or running a cafe.

SolidGoldBrass · 13/04/2015 02:13

What's his behaviour like otherwise? Because this is, at very best, extremely thoughtless and selfish - he just doesn't care about the waste of money, or the waste of your time. Or it could be part of a pattern of abuse, in that he won't eat what you have cooked, but gets angry if you haven't cooked, so you are always in the wrong.

TormundsMember · 13/04/2015 02:30

He sounds selfish. I'm a sahm too and cook for all of us, sometimes DH goes to the reduced aisle in Morrisons eats on the way home. He doesn't text me as it's usually a spur of the moment choice, however when he gets home HE puts his dinner into a container and takes it to work with him the next day.
If he lobbed it in the bin then I just wouldn't bother cooking for him.

PeppermintCrayon · 13/04/2015 03:42

This is really weird, selfish behaviour. Does he know how to cook? Does he know how much food costs? Does he know what an absolute git he's being?

DH and I always text each other about dinner as we both have quite erratic work schedules. He certainly wouldn't come home grumbling if I hadn't psychically known to make him dinner.

Inertia · 13/04/2015 08:48

Sounds as though there's more to this than food. He is showing you that he has no respect for your time, your work in the home, or your request for communication.
He buys food for himself without checking whether you would like some - that's pretty selfish. The refusing to text you is all about putting you in your place - big man is far too busy doing important stuff to contact wifey.

I would work on the basis that unless you receive a message asking you to cook then you will assume he had organised his own dinner.

FenellaFellorick · 13/04/2015 08:51

I would just stop cooking until he changed his attitude. It isn't his right to have you cook for him and if he's going to piss you about, then he needs to take over total responsibility for feeding himself.

Original poster
WibblyWobblyHead · 13/04/2015 14:15

Aarrgghh he is really doing my head in! He's just so ungrateful. We've got an Asda delivery coming in the morning but there's not much food left here until then so I went to the shop to get a family size chicken and veg pie ( which he usually likes) and I cooked it with potatoes, broccoli and gravy. He ate all of his then said "I wouldn't have that again it wasn't very nice, and stuff you get from corner shops is usually in their freezers for months" Angry
So that leaves another half of a big pie that I'll have to eat all by myself or it'll waste.

Why can't he just appreciate anything! It's not even as if I'm a bad cook and we never usually have the same thing more than once in a week.

I'm cooking lamb stew tomorrow and it'll be frozen for me to eat if he doesn't want any, I'm so fed up of his moaning!

I wish I could just say I'm not cooking for him anymore but I know I wouldn't be able to do it cos i'd feel bad eating mine when I've done nothing for him

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 13/04/2015 14:17

To be honest as long as you keep popping his food in front of him then I know it sounds harsh but more fool you.

There's no way on earth I would keep martyring on with this little number.

Original poster
WibblyWobblyHead · 13/04/2015 14:20

I know you're right, nothing I cook for him is good enough!

OP posts:
Lweji · 13/04/2015 14:23

If you don't want to leave his sorry ass, then cook whatever you want, serve yourself and mention that he probably doesn't want it anyway, because it's not to his liking.

Lweji · 13/04/2015 14:24

And make food you like. Never mind him.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 13/04/2015 14:25

Id be pissed off too, him buying food out must make things difficult financially too as you said you've not got alit of money.

Tell him he either texts or there's no food

SergeantJarhead · 13/04/2015 14:28

Batch cook and freeze to fed an asshole who doesn't appreciate anything you cook for him? Ha. Like fuck.
As a pp said Op, is this the only shitty behaviour he indulges in?

badtime · 13/04/2015 14:28

Don't stop cooking for him, just tell him that if he wants you to cook for him, he has to let you know (by text or whatever).

He is an absolute dick if he thinks you are unreasonable to ask him to send you a text about whether he needs dinner but it is fine for him to ignore, belittle and waste your much more prolonged effort to make the dinner.

sparkysparkysparky · 13/04/2015 14:31

Tell him to get out of a 1970's sitcom and to grow up.

plainjanine · 13/04/2015 14:37

Could you cook and eat you dinner before he's home, so you're not eating it in front of him? When he gets home you can say you haven't made him anything cos you assumed he'd sort himself out / what you did wouldn't be good enough to his taste, and you're not hungry. Just don't tell him you've already eaten?

expatinscotland · 13/04/2015 14:37

'I wish I could just say I'm not cooking for him anymore but I know I wouldn't be able to do it cos i'd feel bad eating mine when I've done nothing for him'

Well, carry on as you are then. Hmm

hellsbellsmelons · 13/04/2015 14:39

Sounds like someone I know had the misfortune to be married to. And he was an abusive git
THIS ^^ I have a feeling this is the tip of the iceberg!

And this as well >>>>> nothing I cook for him is good enough!

All very telling OP. Tell us more about his put downs of you.
I'm sure you can list a lot!
And when did all this nonsense behaviour start? When you were pregnant of after you gave birth to your first child?

HazleNutt · 13/04/2015 14:40

If you agreed that he will let you know if he wants dinner, and he does not, why would you feel bad doing as requested (i.e not cooking)? He doesn't feel bad at the moment, behaving like a cock.

sparkysparkysparky · 13/04/2015 14:51

I sometimes have this trouble with my 8 year old. Feeding children with capricious palates can be tricky ... no, wait a minute.
Op, you know this is not on. I suggest showing him the damage it does to your family budget. My other suggestions are likely to be illegal!

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