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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandson's Football - Whole Family Affair

355 replies

Chellors123 · 12/04/2015 12:21

In-laws have a history of 'overbearing' behaviour and crossing boundaries into parenting with my DS, they are both retired and are keen to be involved with everything we do which drives me nuts.

DS has started playing football and has a match every week. I enjoy going with DH and other DS, we meet up with the other mums/dad etc and its become quite a social thing. So now PIL's also want to come every week and text/ring us constantly to find out what time the game is and when they do come MIL spends most of match chatting to the other mums (which winds me up as I see this as another example of muscling in) meanwhile FIL is shouting instructions to the team! PIL's spent 20 years watching their DS play football everyweek and I just feel this is now my turn with my DS. I have no problem with them watching DS just not every week,

DH thinks IABU and says 'just let them get on with it' and doesnt see my problem, anyway we have had a massive row as we tried the dodge the calls/text route hoping they would get the message but we just got more calls/text/asked more. DH really shouted at me saying I dont understand it puts him in an uncomfortable position as he doesnt want to avoid calls and now we are not speaking. I do feel bad, am I being unreasonable to feel strongly about this and should I just back down for DH's sake?

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 12/04/2015 12:41

You're quite right, OP, it is family time . . . and your PIL are family.

MidniteScribbler · 12/04/2015 12:41

I think YABU. The best memories of my childhood are of my grandmothers sitting in the stands when I was at sport. If my parents couldn't take me due to work, there was always a nana or an aunt willing to step in. DS has no grandparents, and will never have the special relationship I was lucky enough to have. Parenting doesn't need to be competitive, there is plenty of room in your son's heart for you and his grandparents.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 12/04/2015 12:42

YANBU! This is totally the kind of thing my PILs would do.

Mutt · 12/04/2015 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoanCollins · 12/04/2015 12:42

YABU. Their grandchild is doing something they also enjoy, it's normal for them to want to share it. It's max 2 hours. And you certainly can't dictate who MIL talks to. It's obstructive, childish and is putting your DH in a horrible position by telling him he can't respond to his parents texts and calls.

That's controlling and borderline abusive. You can bet your bottom dollar if a woman came on here and said a man was dictating when and if she could communicate with her parents she would be getting told to LTB.

saoirse31 · 12/04/2015 12:45

yabvu. and sound v insecure, perhaps about your relationship with other parents? As one poster said what actual harm is it dung? You just don't like them.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 12:46

Imagine the conversation 'Chellors doesn't want you there every week, you're muscling in on her parenting of ds.'

Good luck with that.

Grandad is BU about shouting instructions to the team and should keep his mouth zipped, I've been where you are x 3, Grandparents like to watch kids football.

AlternativeTentacles · 12/04/2015 12:47

Let them take the kids and have a snooze whilst they are out?

queentroutoftrouts · 12/04/2015 12:48

Just adding to the chorus of YABU.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 12:48

In my experience your ds will like having other family coming to watch the team and him in particular.

Have I missed how old he is, 6/7 I'm guessing if they're 20 minute games?

Bowlersarm · 12/04/2015 12:48

One boy on DSes team had all four of his grandparents come to watch him, week in week out. I thought it was really lovely. And there were always assorted grandparents, aunts and uncles for the other boys around. It is a family event, and a spectator sport.

SugarOnTop · 12/04/2015 12:50

letscook "I'm sorry, does being married mean that the DH should no longer consider his parents?"

where did i say that he should not consider his parents or their feelings?

the dh is acting spineless and ignoring his wifes feelings completely - DH really shouted at me saying I dont understand it puts him in an uncomfortable position as he doesnt want to avoid calls .......
he needs to find his backbone and do something to try and sort this out so everybody is happy or at least agree to compromise.

Sparklingbrook · 12/04/2015 12:50

Still DSs are now playing almost proper full time matches, how I long for those short games....

Sparklingbrook · 12/04/2015 12:51

OP brace yourself if they are entering the team for any summer tournaments.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 12:51

I'm a Mother of 3 boys, if in time I become a grandmother to boys I will be watching every match as will dh, if my hypothetical DiL objects she'll have to learn to get over it.

Idontseeanydragons · 12/04/2015 12:52

YABU. DS's GP's go when they can to watch him play his sport because they are proud of him and his achievements, presumably your IL's are also proud.
FIL shouting instructions to the team needs stopping though. - maybe a quiet word with the coach might be in order.
They're watching him out of love not to piss you off or barge into your family time.

Christinayangstwistedsister · 12/04/2015 12:52

I'm thankful that Ds isn't into football...

hannahwex · 12/04/2015 12:53

What about when your son has children of his own? Will you not want to be involved in things like this?
Some women seem to forget they will be a MIL someday

Sparklingbrook · 12/04/2015 12:53

I hope the end of Season presentation evening is tickets only.....

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 12:53

Sparkling reminiscing about the days when they all chased the ball like a herd of sheep and miniature goals Wink.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/04/2015 12:54

I agree with Fenella. It sounds as if you don't really like them and want to keep 'your family' to yourself. It is selfish, that's not what families are, you become a part of them and they expand with a place for everybody.

I wish you could see the consequences of carrying this on and put a stop to that now because you'll reap them later. BTW, your DH is not being spineless, you are being possessive. Your son is NOT your possession.

Why not ask him how much he enjoys having family members cheering him on - and then keep quiet.

Bowlersarm · 12/04/2015 12:54

I loved the tournaments. Lots and lots of short matches. Keeping any eye in the other teams to see what your team needed to do to get through. Those were the days.

I'm hoping my theoretical future dil won't mind me coming to watch my theoretical dgs or dgd play in any matches Sad, because I've had 'my' turn' with my DS.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/04/2015 12:54

I hope the end of Season presentation evening is tickets only

Hahaha Grin Football.

BackforGood · 12/04/2015 12:57

YBBVVVU

My dd plays football - I look enviously at the families who have Grandparents there, wanting to support them and being prepared to turn out in all weathers to support the dc. I'd loved to have had that kind of support.

Christinayangstwistedsister · 12/04/2015 12:57

It must be a big deal to them, if after you ignore their texts and phone calls, they keep trying