Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at mil going on and on about the wait for hip replacement when she can afford it privately

119 replies

medona · 11/04/2015 17:14

She just goes on and on about it, fair enough if she was stuck and had no choice. But if she just paid to do it privately she could have it done in weeks rather than months. The doctor that will be doing it is offering to do it privately and it will be done in the same hospital, the only difference is she would have to pay for it.

I wouldn't mind if she was broke, but she's Judy bought a new car and has several expensive holidays each year!

Aibu to think she's being very entitled and should either shut up or just pay?

OP posts:
shewept · 11/04/2015 17:17

Yabu. Sorry. She doesn't have to pay for treatment just because she can afford it. She isn't being entitled, she IS entitled to treatment.

scarletforya · 11/04/2015 17:17

Yanbu

I think if you have the money for private you should use it and leave the public resources for those who need it more.

I always paid for private healthcare when I had more money. It's not fair to use services intended for people with less means.

BarbarianMum · 11/04/2015 17:19

Well maybe you are being a little unreasonable. Presumably she has paid for the NHS through her taxes, so is morally (as well as legally) allowed to use it.

How long is the wait? A couple of months sounds pretty reasonable to me.

nancy75 · 11/04/2015 17:19

The nhs isn't intended just for people with less money, what a ridiculous thing to say

Viviennemary · 11/04/2015 17:20

As the NHS is at present everyone is entitled to free treatment so she doesn't have to pay no matter how rich she is.

confused79 · 11/04/2015 17:20

Yanbu
I think if you're that desperate to have it done, and can afford it, then definitely pay out for it. You can be waiting ages for NHS.
Similar situation, I need tooth implants from a cock up from NHS "cowboy" dentist many years back. My current dentist has said I would have a case and could get on NHS but tbh I don't want to be waiting for what could be a good year or so where more damage could be obtained (other teeth not having support where there's such a big gap etc....) so am paying out £7000 for it. I don't mind as it's what I want, and I'm impatient!

shewept · 11/04/2015 17:21

It's not fair to use services intended for people with less means.

What? The NHS is not intended for people with less means. Its intended for everybody.

maroonedwithfour · 11/04/2015 17:21

Yanbu. Either pay or shut up and wait.

mumeeee · 11/04/2015 17:22

YABU. Just because she has the money she does not have to pay for private treatment. She may need the money for things she has planned for the future. The NHS is for everyone.

mumeeee · 11/04/2015 17:25

Oh and DH and I go abroad on holiday at least once a year. We do this because holidays take us away from other stresses of life. So your MIL is entitled to use her money on expensive holidays she is not being entitled wanting to use the NHS.

csivillage · 11/04/2015 17:26

Hay - are you my sister?!

My mum is EXACTLY the same. Over £100k in the bank in cash, no mortgage, can't go abroad due to health issues and insurance, but goes on holiday to the UK every month. She has more tinsel and turkey weekends in November than anyone I know!!!!

She can't bloody walk. Is in constant pain. Her quality of life is really affected. I looked into it for her, it would cost £11k if she paid for it herself and she would be done and dusted and recovered before the summer months.

But noooooooo

She has to wait in line. It is bloody irritating.

HeyDuggee · 11/04/2015 17:27

By that logic, you should be spending your money on private healthcare instead of taking up your GPs appointments. So others who can't afford private can get an appointment faster.Hmm

chickenfuckingpox · 11/04/2015 17:28

yanbu you need good humor on the NHS my friend has been waiting over 5 years for a hip replacement she now needs two and they sent her home the other day because she has a fungal infection by where they were going to make the incision to be honest because she is so incapable of walking her size has shot up to enormous proportions and she is now prone to them if we had the money we would pay privately as she now needs more surgery than she did five years ago

csivillage · 11/04/2015 17:28

The NHS wait is 4 months from referral. But what they don't tell you is that the process to get to referral can take 4-5 months.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 11/04/2015 17:28

What would smart for me is that Id be using the same doctor and the same hospital. So clearly they have space and time.

If it were an entirely private hospital with entirely private staff, otd be worth paying for.

As it is, you are expecting her to pay for the exact same product she can have for free a couple of months later. Id be moaning about that too.

Original poster
medona · 11/04/2015 17:29

I'm not saying she needs to pay, but she should stop complaining about it and the wait if she has the option to have it fixed next week but would rather spend the money on Luxury's.

No she's never worked so hasn't paid a great deal of tax, another reason why I think she's being entitled.

OP posts:
shewept · 11/04/2015 17:34

We all moan about stuff. I moan about having to wait for a gp appointment for over a week. Its shit! If you don't want to hear it tell her to stop moaning.

So she didn't work? She was a sahm? So sahms aren't entitled to nhs care? Or can sahms whose other half don't earn good money use it?

BeaufortBelle · 11/04/2015 17:38

I think YABU to expect her to pay if she disagrees as a matter of principle. Having made her decision when she could pay with ease I don't think you are being unreasonable to be irritated that she is complaining about the wait.

We tend to use private healthcare and my DH's view is that we should because we can and it frees up space for those who have no choice. OTH if there was no private care the same surgeons would be available to do more work.

My MIL is the same as your mother btw.

Original poster
medona · 11/04/2015 17:41

Yes village its exactly the same! I find it so infuriating why she causes herself suffering and a low quality of life just through a moral stance, if you don't have health then you don't have anything!

OP posts:
scarletforya · 11/04/2015 17:45

Oh, I didn't know that about the NHS. Sorry, am in Ireland. Thought it was the same as here with a public and private system.

Bair · 11/04/2015 18:03

I disagree, part of the reason they are huge lists is that the NHS works like this, same doctor, same hospital but you can pay to go 'private'. How is it private? It's jumping the queue. You can guarantee if there are complications (which I sincerely hope there isn't) the NHS will be the ones doing the after care.

I remember reading a book written by a doctor in his first few years, he was rather perturbed to be booking and working on his consultant private patients when he was an NHS doctor.

It's like getting the bus, the bus driver also works as a taxi driver. If everyone paid for taxis there'd be no bus service eventually. But the same amount of users. So you'd end up paying taxi fares for a huge taxi with loads of people on it, like a bus.

ChazzerChaser · 11/04/2015 18:33

Whilst laudable, the idea of paying if you can afford it, is problematic. If everyone who could did that, it would leave a last resort health service for people with no choice. Politicians would see that those with the power and voice were starting not to care about it, so investment would be cut more and more. Ending up with a poor class of service for those unlucky enough not to be able to pay. This is exactly what happened to social housing. At it's outset it was intended for all. It's been systematically undermined until it's become a last resort provision, resulting in pretty crap provision.

expatinscotland · 11/04/2015 18:40

YANBU

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 11/04/2015 18:47

Maybe she's heard things about Private Healthcare?
Like the hospitals who will happily treat the patients but if there's any problems there's no ITU on site?

Can she get referred to one of the hospitals that will do low risk operations on low risk patients (like a hip replacement on a healthy person) and contract these out to private hospital care?

I had an operation last year and TBH , if I'd known how long it would take, I would've gone private from the start. I 'lost' a year .
And I work for the NHS, but we don't get any special treatment.

PeppermintCrayon · 11/04/2015 19:56

I think if you have the money for private you should use it and leave the public resources for those who need it more.

And I think the more people pay for treatment privately because they can, the less incentive there is to fund and provide good quality public healthcare.

I don't think it's right to pay to jump the queue just because you can. Do it if you want to but don't try to justify it on these grounds.