to be annoyed at mil going on and on about the wait for hip replacement when she can afford it privately

[medona]

She just goes on and on about it, fair enough if she was stuck and had no choice. But if she just paid to do it privately she could have it done in weeks rather than months. The doctor that will be doing it is offering to do it privately and it will be done in the same hospital, the only difference is she would have to pay for it.

I wouldn't mind if she was broke, but she's Judy bought a new car and has several expensive holidays each year!

Aibu to think she's being very entitled and should either shut up or just pay?

Maybe she doesn't want to jump the queue ahead of the peasants who have no choice but to use the NHS? NHS means same surgeon, much better after care and less chance of being transferred to good old A and E when the private hospital can't cope with the post op complications.

If I had £100K in the bank and an operation tomorrow would cost £11K I'd do it.

HOWEVER: you pay for every last thing. You don't know how much it will end up costing if there are complications etc. And some specialists won't do private work: my mother had to wait a very long time for a back operation because the only specialist who was prepared to do it as it was complex did not do private work so she couldn't have jumped the queue even if she'd had the means. Several people including me offered to lend her the money.

And as many people have said, the NHS is for everyone.

As is state education - it really annoys me when people say richer people should educate their kids privately. I am happy to pay taxes to support the less well off in society, but I also expect to get something myself, whether that be use of my local library (though that largely comes from council tax) or my son's schooling, or a GP's appointment when I need it. For free - because I've already paid for it.

YABVU. Private healthcare is parasitic on the NHS. If I had my way it would be banned. She is being principled and good for her.

Its hardly being principled its just about her saving money, the system sounds broken yes but one person isn't going to make any difference other than improving their health and bumping someone else up in the list.

Surely if she doesn't take the private slot and no one else does then it will go unused? The private work is done on top of their normal work as its lucrative o thought?

It's not fair to use services intended for people with less means.

Since when was the NHS only for the less wealthy? I thought everyone here paid taxes which then pays for the NHS amongst other things. So the more wealthy should now pay twice?

FWIW I went through an op on the NHS, infact 2 (same op, needed to be done twice within 3 months to complete the procedure.) I could have paid I guess but it wasn't cheap, especially having it twice. We could have forgone a holiday or two, but chose not to. But you know what? When my estimated time was delayed twice, once only days before and a 6 month wait went to well over a year - 18 months of twice monthly pain - yes, I did whinge about it to be nearest and dearest. In hindsight, I should have paid - but at the time, I heard the initial wait, listened to the consultant and decided NHS. Does that then mean I can;t complain, to those who I believed loved and cared about me, that I had pain and two very inconvenient delays, including one days before the op was due and after my pre op was completed? Or only the least well off people only allowed to complain too?

She might be thinking she needs that money in the future but not for holidays for paying for a care home in the future, so maybe she's being responsible.

As a side note a good friend had two hip replacements and after looking into it here had it done abroad - something to do with what they replace your hip here with which wasn't as good as what the implant was that she paid for abroad - different materials used and the one she paid for had a better outcome I think, sorry can't remember anymore details.

Is this really about private v public health care or being irritated by a MIL who is complaining about the pain in her hip. Just wondered.

I had a hip replacement privately (insurance) a couple of years ago. I was lucky. At 41 I would have had a long wait on the nhs. If I didn't have insurance, needed an OP and had the money, I would do it.

The OP has made a huge difference to my life. I'd be crippled without it.

Sorry but she doesn't need the money for anything else, she's happy to drop 5 figures on a new car even though the current one was fine.

The arguments about dodgy abroad ops or in private wards are not valid as by doing it privately she will still get it done in the NHS hospital by the same doctor who will do it on the NHS, just after a long wait.

Its like she's cutting off her nose to spike her face.

See you haven't commented on my Q above OP. Why do you think you're entitled to decide what MIL spends her money on - would you be happy if she told you what to spend your money on. How do you know she doesn't need the money for anything else - as someone else said maybe she's worried about getting older and having to pay for care that she might need, but it's her choice, not yours.

How do you get on with your MIL in general (if you care to say!)

I had a private operation years ago and complications arose which the NHS wouldn't treat so for that reason alone YABU.

I've answered that a few times. I'm not telling her she should pay for it, I'm telling her to shut up about the delay and problems as she could get it fixed asap if she wanted.

Funny how she always finds the money for new expensive lux stuff, bit not for an op tha would improve her heqlth.t

But if something went wrong with the op she would have to keep paying, so I can understand this.

Are you sure that's true?

I'm sure I've heard of the NHS fixing people up after cheap boob jobs abroad.

Didn't they fix people with PPI too?

I actually dislike this "mixing" of NHS staff and facilities with private care.

I think hospitals and staff should be either private or NHS.

And I think after HCPs qualify/finish training they should be contractually obliged to stay in the NHS for a minimum of 10 years.

Why should someone paying privately for tests or operations use NHS facilities ahead of NHS patients?

I'd be genuinely interested to hear the arguments for and against on this!

The NHS will only rectify damage caused by dodgy boob jobs etc. so they took out the faulty implants but wouldn't replace them.

Which is fair enough.

Is her poor health impacting on you, OP? I have something similar with my ILs, rolling in unspent money they'll never need but won't spend a penny to make their own lives more comfortable at a time in their lives when tit could make a difference. It's their choice though. I just refuse to get emotionally involved any more. It's not easy, and it has changed the nature of our relationship, and I can see their entrenched attitudes are hard on DH (he bears the brunt of the caring). We're not going to change them at their age (in my case PILs are both 90-ish).

Logically, you are probably right. But your MIL probably believes the NHS will be there for her in her hour of need.

YABU. Many people have holidays abroad and newish cars, but are still entitled to use the NHS.

No guarantee it will be straightforward and she won't need the NHS anyway if there are complications.

I would also guess that she is more than a little nervous about it, despite the moaning, and is happy enough to wait for her appointment.

Paying private is effectively queue jumping for the well off. Same doctor, same hospital.

She is entitled to free nhs treatment. The delay will be made worse by the queue jumpers. It's wrong in my eyes.

Medona it was true for me. I was in pain for ages until DH paid again.

I might be wrong but I don't think this is about private v public health care. I think the OP is irked by her MIL's complaining. You also sound envious OP of your MIL's wealth. Is she generous with your family?

That's is cheese dh does help out a lot, so it does impact on us. I understand she wants to not waste money, but seriously it would make everyones life a lot easier if she just paid for it. We would offer to help, if she was poor, but she has way more money than us so wouldn't accept our money anyway.

I'm not jealous of her wealth, she was born at a good time and won the housing and pension lottery.

YABU, and sound somewhat butter.

butter bitter

My Dad paid privately for his hip replacement op last April. He reacted badly to the post-op painkillers, went a bit mad and ended up throwing a chair through the window of his private room in a bid to escape because he genuinely believed they were trying to kill him. All a bit dramatic and horrible, he split open the wound where they'd done the replacement and had to go back into surgery to have it sutured again, and had a security guard outside his room for the remainder of his stay.

It was an absolute mess of a situation and ended up costing a fortune because he'd budgeted it costing x amount and with the extra surgery and longer stay, it cost almost twice the initial price.

He now needs the other hip doing and is merrily letting the NHS do it next month. He laughed the other day and said he doesn't care how doolally he goes this time because it won't cost him a penny.

The only time I've gone private is for DS1 as the NHS waiting lists were atrocious and living with hearing problems is awful for anyone, let alone a child. If I needed treatment, I'd use the NHS, so would DH. It's by far the best option.