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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at mil going on and on about the wait for hip replacement when she can afford it privately

119 replies

medona · 11/04/2015 17:14

She just goes on and on about it, fair enough if she was stuck and had no choice. But if she just paid to do it privately she could have it done in weeks rather than months. The doctor that will be doing it is offering to do it privately and it will be done in the same hospital, the only difference is she would have to pay for it.

I wouldn't mind if she was broke, but she's Judy bought a new car and has several expensive holidays each year!

Aibu to think she's being very entitled and should either shut up or just pay?

OP posts:

ragged · 15/04/2015 19:13

The NHS provides care on basis of need.
She isn't the most needy at moment. So she has to wait & it's turn of others. Bitter pill to swallow, of course.

I would like more capacity in the system. We don't want wealthy (powerful, influential, voting, activist) people going private because then they are less invested in how well the rest of the system works.

Original poster

medona · 15/04/2015 19:27

Thanks for that spare, I guess it is a polarising view. I'm the same as you, health is before everything else, if you don't have health you have nothing in life! I don't understand this spunking money on a new car, then being in pain and not having a great quality of life, just to get a freebie.

Then again I think that's a big problem with the NHS, people don't value stuff that is free, even though its not free we pay billions.

OP posts:

Original poster

medona · 15/04/2015 19:31

Gosh belovid my IL have the same attitude! I can't understand it for a second, it causes so much suffering in the long term and they are ultimately the loosers. Who wants to die with a big bank balance and in bad heath?!

OP posts:

Original poster

medona · 15/04/2015 19:32

NHS isn't like a savings account, doesn't work like that.

And if it was as mil is a boomer who never worked then she would definitely have to pay for it herself.

OP posts:

Beloved72 · 15/04/2015 19:32

"We don't want wealthy (powerful, influential, voting, activist) people going private because then they are less invested in how well the rest of the system works."

But they already do this in relation to education by sending their children to private schools, and everyone on mumsnet seems to think this is fine, because it takes strain off state funded schools.

youtrytellingthemthatthen · 15/04/2015 19:40

"Everyone" on Mumsnet doesn't think that's fine - though it's frequently cited as justification by the people who use private schools. Plenty of other people don't think it's fine at all, for the very reason that it makes those people less invested in good state services.

Abraid2 · 15/04/2015 19:43

My son was promised, after years of asking, a tonsillectomy, which, because of the eight-month waiting list, would have taken place just before his A levels. We had to pay privately for an earlier date to ensure he could start the last year of sixth form in reasonable health. He'd already had his AS levels wiped out by tonsillitis.

People telling me I am doing something somehow immoral to go privately make me wonder for their sanity. How could allowing a 17-year-old continue to suffer from very serious tonsillitis (ten days of very high temperatures, swollen and painful glands, tonsils covered in pus and so large he could barely swallow) and affect his A levels and his whole future possibly be the right thing to do? We could just afford to it, with sacrifices made and some grandparental help. I frankly think the NHS should refund us for the full amount: the surgeon said his tonsils were in a dreadful state, covered in scar tissue. There was an obvious clinical need for them to be taken out. Obviously this isn't going to happen, but meantime we are £4,000 down. £4,000 out of taxed income, that is.

Floisme · 15/04/2015 20:02

I'm not sure what her working history has to do with anything?

Can I ask again, does she live with you or are you her carer? If yes then it must be hard for you and I sympathise.

If not, then how is she 'impinging' on your life? How often do you see her?

TenerifeSea · 15/04/2015 20:10

It seems like some of you are saying that you can only complain about NHS waiting lists if you don't have the funds to pay for private.

I think part of the problem is that people don't realise how much private healthcare costs. For example, a pre-surgery blood test could easily set you back a couple of hundred pounds. It's a lot more than the consultant's fee and the actual surgery.

OTheHugeManatee · 15/04/2015 20:24

It's not fair to use services intended for people with less means.

Presumably you also believe people who can afford private education should leave the state schools for those 'with less means'?

Heebiejeebie · 15/04/2015 20:30

Waiting lists are almost all about bed and theatre availability not consultant time. Less golf would not equal more new hips.

TenerifeSea · 15/04/2015 20:37

"It's not fair to use services intended for people with less means."

That isn't an NHS tagline and never was!

RedToothBrush · 15/04/2015 22:12

Whilst, someone is waiting for a hip op, they are in pain and because of their lack of mobility the rest of their health suffers.

So everyone going on about 'those in most need' should think about how much not meeting the demand for a simple operation quickly actually ends up costing the NHS in knock on costs.

We need to get out of the mentality of justifying cuts in this way. This is NOT how you save money. This is how you make our healthcare system even more costly. All people who are sticking up for waiting lists are doing, is making it politically acceptable for the NHS to be run in an arse about face way.

ilovesooty · 15/04/2015 22:17

I agree with Floisme
I'm also quite surprised we got to over 100 posts before the OP started with the "boomer" comment - though there was a heavy hint of it earlier.

Original poster

medona · 16/04/2015 06:36

*I'm not sure what her working history has to do with anything?

Can I ask again, does she live with you or are you her carer? If yes then it must be hard for you and I sympathise.

If not, then how is she 'impinging' on your life? How often do you see her?*

It was a direct response to the pp saying she had paid for it many times over.

I've said several times dh has to spend a lot of his time off helping out, so yes it does affect me massively. Rtht.

OP posts:

Floisme · 16/04/2015 06:41

I have read the whole thread, thank you.

So your husband sees her and helps out but you don't?

DamnBamboo · 16/04/2015 07:54

You sound bitter and jealous OP.
Your MIL is perfectly entitled to moan if she wants as the waiting times can be very long.
Doesn't mean she should have to spend her own money.
And what do you mean she hasn't paid much into it as she's never worked? What has that got to do with anything?

DamnBamboo · 16/04/2015 07:57

OP why even post here? You clearly don't think YABU. Why bother asking.

Floisme · 16/04/2015 08:02

I have to go now, sorry. I'm still curious to know how often you actually see her?

That's you , not your husband as the whole basis of this thread was the implication that she was always moaning at you.

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